Welcome to the world of WWF Battlemania.

Unlike the WCW comic, Battlemania holds some sense of nostalgia with me. While I only owned one issue as a kid, the series takes off right as I started watching. I recall first catching onto the WWF during January of 1991. The Ultimate Warrior was in his final days of being WWF Champion, before losing the title to Sergeant Slaughter at the Royal Rumble. The Hart Foundation, Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart and Bret “Hitman” Hart, were tag champs, destined to relinquish their titles at Wrestlemania to the Nasty Boys. Months earlier, the Undertaker had made his debut, already showing signs of the monster push they were giving him towards the main event. So there is a stronger feel of familiarity with me.

In fact, there are many differences between the WCW and WWF comics. They’re like comparing apples and oranges. The WCW comic is just a bad comic. Battlemania is merely a sad comic. Don’t get me wrong, it’s far more competent than WCW’s ink and paper production in both writing and art. The thing is, that’s one of two reasons why Battlemania is depressing to see exist.

Battlemania was a production by Valiant Comics and half of the stories in the series are drawn by one Steve Ditko. Yes. That Steve Ditko. The guy who co-created Spider-Man and Dr. Strange. The man who came up with the Question and Captain Atom and the Creeper and Speedball. This guy was stuck working on a comic book about a wrestling corrections officer brawling with a wrestling zombie in the middle of a funeral home. It’s kind of disheartening.

Also depressing is the roster. Despite all the wrestlers in the WCW comic, only Rick Rude and the barely-there Brian Pillman are no longer with us. For a comic that only ran for five issues, WWF Battlemania has a harsh list of dead wrestlers. Not counting cameos, nearly every issue features at least one wrestler who has passed away.

One strange thing about the series is the complete lack of Hulk Hogan. For about the entire run, Hogan was the company’s champion. Not only does the Ultimate Warrior get the more marquee showing, but Hogan isn’t even mentioned once. I’m going to guess this comes from the legal issues based on his name and Marvel’s Hulk.

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Oh, man, it’s been a minute! Where have I been? Busy, that’s where!

In terms of work stuff, I have been co-writing Guide for The Darkness. I think the game drops later this month? I went to one of these Hot Import Nights show. Better yet– it was for work. I’d never been to an import tuner show, mainly because my taste runs more toward Continentals and Cadillacs than RX-7s and Mazda 3s, you know? It was cool. A lot more models than I expected, though. I didn’t get to see any of San Diego, either, and that kind of sucks! I’ve also been doing a gaggle of galloping game manuals. Curiously, all of them are nerdy or comic game franchises. In fact, the manual I’m wrapping up tomorrow morning is related to a certain franchise that Dark Horse publishes.

In terms of real life stuff, I’ve been adjusting to life in San Francisco, trying to figure out a workable budget that’ll let me stock my place and pay my bills, picking up a diet, and I’m probably going to start exercising here in my place. Need to find a pull-up bar that doesn’t need screws, but that ain’t likely. I’ve also been burning through these Entourage DVD sets I have. I haven’t had a haircut or a shave in a over month now. Time to lose the stubble and cut my hair down to a proper 1/8 inch. Gotta find somebody to do the hair line, though.

My neighbor, I think downstairs-ish, is playing Waiting on the World to Change by John Mayer right now. Last week, it was Sade. I can’t really fault her taste in music, you know? Really laid back. I’ve been listening to a lot of Ludacris and Outkast, myself.

Life is weird. Life is good.

In terms of internet stuff, I’ve been thinking up clever MySpace display names (“Darling, after Valentine’s, I’ve decided!” [get it?]), modding Something Awful’s comics forum (which really isn’t that hard), chatting about ISSUES IN COMICS with people I know, and reading and enjoying most of the blogosphere. Listening to podcasts, too. Check the Funnybook Babylon link on the right-hand side, there.

A couple people said on a blog that there are no non-stereotypical or non-offensive non-white male characters in comics. That was an interesting two days diversion, I must say.

In terms of blogging stuff… I’ve been slacking. I owe a certain comics blog that I really enjoy a guest post (which I’ve finally cracked after a few weeks of stage fright/lack of time). I owe 4l a ton of posts, too.

I’ve been trying to get things straight in my mind. I want to talk about how Nymphet getting canceled made me realize that I, and probably a lot of other people, only care about the first amendment when it suits me. Change comics? Whoo! Cancel pedo books? Whoo! Censor a book I like? Whoa, nelly! Hold up there.

How do making a change in someone else’s comics to reduce sexism/racism/*ism and respecting their right to free speech track? It’s an interesting dilemma. If you have any insight, feel free to share. I’ve thought about making this a separate post, but I don’t feel like I have my mind wrapped around it right yet.

I’ve also been wondering how to follow up my big post from the other weekend, too. I mean, how can you drop a manifesto and then come back with “Deadpool sure is cool hurrrrrr” you know? Here’s the answer: you won’t know how until you do it.

Anyway! I’m well-rested after my weekend in San Diego (kind of) and I really want to get back to 4l. The review post I owe you is up next (and I plan to write it tonight so I won’t be a liar!) and then hopefully some good stuff.

Peace up, A-towns down!

Wow, I haven’t written crap in the last two weeks. To be fair, I have been writing. I just haven’t been posting. Work’s been giving me hours that aren’t writing friendly and a lot of my time off has been spent either sleeping, going to Chikara shows or proctoring the SATs. The last of which is the easiest money ever and if you can find someone who can give you that gig, go for it.

I do have something fairly big set for this Sunday, so definitely tune in for that.

In the meantime, and I don’t want to sound like a corporate shill on this, but Barnes and Noble has an annual sale around this time that kicks a certain amount of ass. For the month of June, all their DVDs are “buy two, get one free”. All of them. This means I’ll be picking up the Wrestlemania I-V boxset, the Wrestlemania VI-X boxset, with the Rocky I-V boxset tossed in for free.

More importantly, and getting back to the whole comics thing, it means I’m finally done collecting my Diniverse DVDs. Four Batman sets, three Superman sets, three Batman Beyond sets, four Justice League sets, Mask of the Phantasm, Sub-Zero and Return of the Joker: Awesome Version. Technically, the collection isn’t complete, since I’m missing Mystery of the Batwoman, Brainiac Attacks and Return of the Joker: Pussified Version. Maybe I’ll end up picking up Batwoman, since it wasn’t all that bad, but the latter two can rot in a dumpster for all I care. Off-screen electrocution my ass.

I think I mentioned this way back around NY Comic-con time, but here’s Read a Book, part of BET’s new slate of animation. I was there when they showed this and you can kinda hear the reception to it on the video: busted guts and hurt sides.

It’s just as funny the second time around. Thank heaven for YouTube, huh?

I promise, I’ll quit this linkblogging stuff soon!

Digital Femme Online

While white, Asian, Latina and biracial female characters are forced to fulfill duties as the resident eye candy, black female characters are usually quietly solving problems and taking charge in the background or behind the scenes. When no one sees you as a sex object, you actually get to be a real person. A capable person. That’s the good news.

The bad news? When you aren’t considered to be a sex object, the men that are hired to draw the characters that share your features generally do not care whether those features are rendered correctly. After all, those features don’t appeal to a majority of readers. Why waste time? And the men that are hired to write about characters that share your features will pay minimal attention to the romantic entanglements and familial ties of those characters and will instead focus on fleshing out the characters they find alluring.

But like I said, I’m kind of wary to shine a spotlight on the phenomenon, because when you do demand equal billing and attention or you do finally reach a widespread audience? The whitewashing begins. And you go from this to this.

Particularly interesting Frank Miller’s Sin City pages in there, too.

Gavok note: We have a special guest appearance by SDShamshel, who reviews the bad wrestling comic I won’t read for the simple fact that I can’t read it. Enjoy.
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Japanese comics have always had a strong relationship with the world of professional wrestling. In its heyday, Kinnikuman was read by every young boy, and both Tiger Mask and Juushin Liger started off as manga characters before their personas were adopted for real-world squared circles. However, as great and exciting as those wrestlers may be, this article is about something greater.

Yes, that’s right. It’s Hulk Hogan THE MANGA. Published by “Special Volume Ace Five Comics,” Pro Wrestler Superstar Biographies: Hulk Hogan tracks Hogan’s life from the beginning of his career to his time in Vince McMahon, Sr.’s World Wide Wrestling Federation. The comic utilizes an interesting version of kayfabe (the wrestling term for “the fourth wall”), with events in Hogan’s life both inside and outside of the ring depicted with the utmost seriousness one expects from biographical comics about pro wrestlers.

As the comic begins, we find Hulk Hogan as the lead guitarist for a band. He flashes back to a time where as he was watching a match, a man approached him and suggested that Hogan become a wrestler. A mustache-less Hogan decided against it, and even tried to instead become a professional boxer. However, after the concert, as he’s watching a televised match between Muhammad Ali and Antonio Inoki, Hogan’s life changes forever.

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Quick post while I wrap up some other things–

Ultimates 2 #13 was a letdown. I mean, come on, how many of those pages had like one word balloon on them? And the wrap-up? It was blah. I don’t really want to spoil it if you haven’t read it, but you aren’t really missing anything, just another Millar anticlimax.

You want to see an ending? Read Wisdom #6. Paul Cornell and Manuel Garcia knock it so far out of the park it isn’t even funny, and manage to work in an origin story for a new Killraven all at the same time.

Killraven!

Anyway, the ending is pretty good. It wraps up the loose ends and ends on a kind of really low-key scene that’s a great payoff if you know the character. Very recommended! It is the anti-Ultimates 2 #13.

Later tonight, I hopes, look for some more reviews.

As inspired by a post on Higher Voltage, I present to you: World War Hulk, the Vastly Abridged Version Where Things Actually Do Change Somehow.

(Honestly, at this point, the best thing for the Marvel Universe would probably be the Hulk killing off half of their established cast to thin the herd, but there’s a goddamn Iron Man movie coming out, so that can’t happen…)

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No disrespect, but you a psycho, honey
Got that S.S.I. money and you start actin’ funny
Shrimps every night, ordering steaks
Them jumbo joints, them shits cost a buck fifty for eight
And when you told me your Merlot, need more grapes
I said “Honey, you never had wine before!”
And if you did, that’s not how you act at all
And no… that’s not how we rock in Theodore

–Ghostface Killah, “Tooken Back”

Sana Takeda (1, 2)’s cover to Heroes for Hire 13:

Jock (1, 2)’s cover to Green Arrow Year One:

Khari Evans (1, 2)’s cover to Shanna #1:

Last time it was Alex Ross’s boring Steel-on-a-black-background cover. This time it’s Sana Takeda’s ugly and creepy Heroes for Hire cover.

In exchange, I give you Jock and Khari Evans.

How do you go from a Michael Golden cover to something ugly and tentacle-rapey (also Misty is apparently not black) in a matter of months? Look at this:

I like cheescake comics. Bomb Queen, Cavewoman, those are funny books. But, Marvel, seriously– cheesecake is supposed to be attractive. Mewling little animu girls chained up around some slimy tentacles isn’t it. You’ve got the best artists in the biz and this is the best you come with?

Put Khari Evans on Heroes for Hire so that it will have good art again, please. I am for real here, I kind of like Shanna the She-Devil or whoever, but Khari is made for an ongoing book. He’s got a great style. Make him a Young Gun or whatever, push him hard.

About that Takeda cover… Marvel, that’s not how we rock in Theodore.

Get it together.

And you see, I don’t want to make the fucking comics. Making the fucking comics is hard fucking work. [snip]

But the fucking comics need to be made.

—Cheryl Lynn, Digital Femme, 1998

I said “Yeah, Flipmode, Flipmode is the greatest”
Knowing as a shorty, I was always told
That if I ain’t gon’ be part of the greatest
I gotta be the greatest myself

–Busta Rhymes, Extinction Level Event, 1998

Bear with me, as I have things what need saying. This will relate directly to comics and the blogosphere a little further down.

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