Ultimatum Edit Week 1: Day One

November 7th, 2008 by | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

If we are here not to do
What you and I wanna do
And go forever crazy with it
Why the hell are we even here?

There was never any good old days
They are today, they are tomorrow
It’s a stupid thing we say
Cursing tomorrow with sorrow

When we stand here in a row
Looking like a bunch of heroes
I know that-ah deep inside
Nothing more but bunch of zeros

— “Ultimate” by Gogol Bordello

We couldn’t stay away.

After the job that ManiacClown and I did with Jeph Loeb and Joe Mad’s Ultimates 3, we decided that we would give the follow-up event Ultimatum a shot. When I say we’d give it a shot, I don’t mean that we were sure we were going to target it from the very beginning. More that we were going to give it a shot of being passable and leaving it alone.

As it got closer to the release, we knew that although it was nice to be generous, it was going to be all for naught. Between the Ultimate Captain America Annual that showed Ultimate Black Panther’s origin and the laughable X-Men/Fantastic Four crossover written by Loeb’s Heroes buddies, we could tell that the writing was on the wall. Loeb was referring to Ultimatum as the story that would destroy the Ultimate universe and sadly, he’s already been doing that. Ultimate Spider-Man remains the only thing worth reading.

The Loeb backlash has already started somewhat. He’s been axed from Heroes. From what I understand, those burned by the first six issues of Hulk have left in droves. Don’t they realize that Hulk, who has become Joe Fixit again for no reason, is fighting Sentry, Moon Knight and Ms. Marvel because they’re sort of Marvel’s version of the DC Trinity? That’s compelling stuff! I’m not even sure how well Ultimatum will do in the long run, since it’s not really latching onto Millar’s Ultimates run’s success like Loeb’s last foray. And, you know, there are far better comic events going on with Secret Invasion and Final Crisis. Then again, now that he’s off Heroes he has more time to write comics. Stupid double-edge sword.

Enough rambling. Let’s get down to business.

Join us tomorrow for more exposition!

Day Two!
Day Three!
Day Four!
Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!

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17 comments to “Ultimatum Edit Week 1: Day One”

  1. Thank christ you guys did this so I didn’t have to.

    Admittedly, you guys are much funnier.

  2. Grr. And I’d almost forgotten about Loeb’s crappy Ultimate writing.

  3. So, is Valkryie going to slice Thor in half or what? I mean, she is moving the blade so fast it is computer blurred, and is like 3 inches away from his calf. It actually stopped me when I was reading, I really couldn’t figure out how she was going to stop.

    Also, Thor seems to have some sort of tumor/Rob Lefieldian Captain America boob going on in that shot.

  4. I was shocked when I realized you went with the ’90s Spidey themesong. Then again, no one ever called me clever.

  5. “I’ve decided to copy Ultron’s Yellowjacket design. Then I ran it over with a tank”.

    Omg that describes it perfectly!

  6. Kudos, guys, this is shaping up to be even better than Ultimates 3 Edit.

    Ben Grimm counting is glorious.

  7. ‘Gorgeous Art’ my arse. Being good at background isn’t really a good excuse for giving every single character the same expression as every other character in the same panel.

  8. “Let’s ask Bendis” was BEAUTIFUL.

  9. I also agree about the Ben Grimm and Bendis parts in the pages. I found the part about almost hitting the narration box to be very funny. 😀

  10. I haven’t read the actual issue yet, and I know that she’s in the newest USM issue, but what the hell is she doing just sitting on a bus with Peter and MJ and Kitty? I mean, did Loeb and Bendis discuss what was going on or did Loeb just put her in there because hey why not?

  11. Is it wrong of me to hope that Loeb keeps on writing Ultimate comics forever just to see more Ultimate edits forever?

  12. You continue to save sanity in the face of the Ultimate Loeb universe. Godspeed, friends.

  13. i still like finch a little

    loeb i can live without

  14. Symbiote Clone Gwen? Really?

  15. @LurkerWithout: Carnage killed Gwen Stacy and absorbed her DNA. Now it takes her form and has her memories and personality.

    For some unexplained reason, she’s hanging out with Peter and the rest again. I guess they’ll explain in the next issue of Ultimate Spider-Man.

  16. The 90’s Spider-Man theme song killed me. It’s so ridiculous and seeing it in text form is even MORE ridiculous.

  17. LMAO Iron Klansman. You got Loeb good on that one.

    Is that actually a Gwen clone or is that a joke?

    How could you let that strange dirty exercise machine the Thing was using go unmentioned. WTF was that thing!?