Welcome back to another week of panels. Again, I’m joined by my usual panel of panel panelists in David Brothers, Was Taters and Space Jawa. Pretty full week this time around so let’s get to it.
Azrael #15
David Hine and Cliff Richards
Batman, Inc. #2
Grant Morrison and Yanick Paquette
Previously, Colossus and the Hulk smashed the hell out of stuff because blowing up pieces of Avalon is really important. How come? I guess they want to make sure that they destroy Magneto regardless, but I’m sure there’s some cool stuff the world could use from a big, floating island. It seems so pointless, you know?
Then Nick Fury showed up alongside Reed, Doom and Zarda. His ace-in-the-hole (or at least the one for this version of the story) is that it doesn’t matter that he has a metal gun on him. The way Magneto’s been fighting, it’s like he only strikes in the name of his own delayed defense. Valkyrie cuts his arm off and THEN he uses his magnetic powers on her sword. Captain America beats him around and THEN he uses his magnetic powers on his shield and the surrounding environment. Wolverine mauls him for a minute and THEN he uses his magnetic powers to tear his skeleton apart. Even this whole scheme is based on following up, “They started it!” I’m just trying to make sense out of what they’re giving me here.
Anyway…
Yeah, that’s about it for Magneto. Come back tomorrow, as ManiacClown and I start on the long stretch of epilogue. We still have two overly-violent deaths to go!
Last time on Ultimatum Edit, Wolverine stabbed Magneto so Magneto killed Wolverine so Wolverine stabbed Magneto so Magneto killed Wolverine. It was a pretty full day, to tell the truth. But what are the strong guys up to?
ManiacClown wanted to make a bunch of Warhammer 4000 jokes involving Mystique’s gun and Colossus looking like one of those soldier guys, but come on. This project can only be made up of references I get. To hell with him.
We’ll continue with Fury tomorrow. See you then.
Day Four!
Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!
Last time on We Care a Lot, I discussed Eddie Brock’s cancer retcon. Before that, I was talking about Daniel Way’s Venom on-going series. To refresh your memory, the Venom symbiote is on the loose up in Canada. It killed off all of army girl Patricia Robertson’s friends and is on its way to a more populated area. Robertson is allied with an alien life form named the Suit, who fights with a cell phone gun. They are being antagonized by a pair of spy chicks who want Venom for themselves. Although they have already been killed, another couple of them have popped up. Venom has finally settled on a host that he can live off of forever.
And that’s where we left off. Venom #10 begins with the Venom-controlled Wolverine attacking Vic and Frankie’s ship and forcing it to crash. The two suit up in their armor and reveal to the reader that they’re probably into each other sexually. Of course they are.
They don’t last a minute. Frankie is stabbed to death by Venom-Wolverine and Vic stumbles upon her doppelganger’s corpse from earlier. She realizes that she’s nothing more than a clone, puts her gun to her head and pulls the trigger.
The torso remains of the Suit give Patricia a new cell phone he has created. He says that he placed the original in a special place and that the new phone acts as a detonator. Venom-Wolverine busts in after her and she presses the button to activate the first phone. As we see, after Wolverine was knocked out by that nuke, the Suit tore open his chest and shoved his phone in there. Now the cell phone goes off, electrocuting Wolverine from the inside and forcing off the symbiote.
BOOOO!
As we last left our unfortunate heroes, Nick Fury is visited by Mr. Fantastic, Dr. Doom and Zarda. He doesn’t seem at all surprised to find out that the world is being torn apart in his absence, as he apparently warned Doom about it back in the day.
Hey, ever notice that the current Squadron Supreme series takes place five years after Ultimate Power, but only months have passed in the Ultimate Universe? What the hell is up with that?
ManiacClown and I will be back tomorrow to finish off the Kitty Pryde scene and finally get to some actual Magneto action. It’s about time.
Last time, we saw Dr. Strange try his chances with the Great Pumpkin Dormammu. Unfortunately, Dr. Strange only got a rock. And by “a rock”, I mean “his head exploded”. Then Hulk jumped around and met up with the X-Men. We’ll continue with that, then move on to the Search for Nick Fury subplot.
Just so you know, the end of that Hulk sequence in the original Loeb version was really a joke about the Hulk having a raging boner. Christ…
Tomorrow, we’ll continue with the Nick Fury stuff, then see what Kitty Pryde is up to.
Thanks again to ManiacClown, who believes that Zarda really just hates the stick shift and doesn’t know how else to express her feelings. Maybe she should have written a catchy song about it, like Cake.
Previously, Hawkeye and Yellowjacket moved past their differences and saw common ground… I guess. Then Thing tried to comfort Sue, only to have her use her powers on him in her sleep.
Let’s continue with the Fantastic Four theme by checking in with Reed and Namor.
We’re not even really exaggerating on Reed’s behavior on those first two pages. The guy is really that dense within this story.
Thanks again to ManiacClown. I’m too tired to have anything witty to go with that.
Thor’s hilarious adventures continue tomorrow.
Remember yesterday when the Fantastic Four pushed a bunch of water back into the ocean and then Reed went after Namor? I don’t either.
Now Reed and Namor’s fight is heating up. Let’s see where it goes.
But first, a warning. You know how I’ve been replacing narration boxes with character theme songs? Well, funny thing, Dr. Doom doesn’t have a theme song. Not unless you count his Capcom fighting game theme, but that doesn’t have lyrics. I had to go an alternate route. Now enjoy the rest of the show!
ManiacClown actually did stuff this time, so I thank him for it. Speaking of he and I teaming up, I got some very good news.
If you enjoyed Ultimate Edit and what’s done so far of Ultimatum Edit, please give it a look. If you’re a fan of Mystery Science Theater 3000, definitely give it a look. It’s only a buck and the riffing is embedded into the movie already. C’moooon! Do it!
Back to the Edit, tomorrow we finish up the week with Charles Xavier explaining it all.
Previously on Ultimate Edit, punk was declared officially dead. Meanwhile, Spider-Man, Iron Man and Captain America each hopped into action. Yeah, guys! Go punch out that storm!
Let’s see what’s going on with the surviving members of the Fantastic Four. Keep in mind that the first page is referring to the Ultimate Fantastic Four/X-Men crossover arc that acted as a prelude to this story. So if you haven’t read it, just be glad you have no idea what they’re discussing.
That last thumbnail makes Reed look like George Bush Sr.
Once again, ManiacClown has been a non-factor what with him being all busy and stuff. Why do I even feel the need to mention him and bold his name? Is it a cry for help?
Tomorrow, we’ll finish off the Reed/Namor fight and take a trip to sunny Latveria. See you then!
Our last installment showed that New York City is screwed. How screwed are they? Let’s watch.
Maniac Clown and I will return tomorrow to bear witness to even more comic character deaths. Of course, these deaths are only going to be major characters. Millions of innocent civilians are dropping like flies, but they don’t know any heroes, so we don’t need to see their bodies.
Day Four!
Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!
