I think most of the people reading this have heard of Dollhouse.  It’s a series about a super-secret underground organization that rents out ‘Dolls’ out to the rich and powerful.  Dolls are men and women who have had their memories wiped, and have been mentally implanted with memories that allow them to complete a specific task asked for by the client.

A good enough premise, but a few things keep hitting me while watching.

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from marvel’s war of kings: darkhawk #2, words by cb cebulski, art by harvey tolibao

You should be able to control your anger when you encounter:
1) Rush hour traffic
2) Underdone omelet
3) Stubbed toe
4) Your mother being put into a coma a couple hours ago by a giant monster from space

Clearly, Chris Powell, bka Darkhawk, is wrong to be upset here. Maybe he should get himself under control, as this fine young beacon of rationality and sense is suggesting!

Sometimes I wonder about the backstories of the characters, and how they relate to their skills.  Batman has his parents murdered in front of his eyes.  He becomes the best martial artist, the best detective, the best strategist, the best escape-artist, etc.  True, he did have a long time to train, but what are the odds of him actually being the best, no matter how hard he worked?

Frank Castle had his entire family murdered in front of him.  No lifetime of training for him.  He went straight to ultimate badass after that.

Superman tops them both with his entire planet blowing up.  He becomes, arguably, the most powerful being on earth.

It’s not that I can’t understand the reasons for this.  In the story, a traumatic event explains the character’s drive and focus, which in turn explains their skill.  Also, practically speaking, few people want to read a superhero comic about a superhero who feels fine and isn’t very good at what they do.

At the same time, I wonder about ways to break from the mold.  An evil part of me wants to make up a superhero character who has that traumatic past, but whose past hasn’t conferred upon them the skill that other heroes have.  It’s tragic to be the hollow-eyed, traumatized heavyweight who saves other people’s lives because you couldn’t save your own.  How much sadder would it be to be the hollow-eyed, traumatized screw-up who can’t run fast enough to save people’s lives, can’t fight well enough to save people’s lives, and is just too damn dumb to figure out the situation, anyway?

These three books are sitting on my desk right now:

For reference, they are Watchmen: Portraits, Watchmen: The Film Companion, and Watchmen: The Art of the Film.

They’re part of the Watchmen merch that came out prior to or at the same time as the film. I can attest to the fact that they’re awesome, particularly the portraits book. They’re enormous single page portraits of the cast and crew, and even a few props.

Anyway, I have these books, sent to me courtesy of Katherine at Titan Books, and I thought to myself… I should give these away. In fact, I can double it. I have two of each book. That’s six books total. I’m going to give away all six.

Here’s what you have to do. In the comments below, I want you to tell me what your favorite Alan Moore story is. Preferably, it will be a book that we can all pick up on Amazon or at our local book store. If it’s a single issue, tell us what collection it’s in. Here’s the rub, however: you need to tell me, over the course of around a paragraph, two if you’re really into it, why you love it so much.

Just for clarification, we’re talking books here. “Tom Strong” isn’t an answer, but “Tom Strong volume 1” is, as long as you back it up. “League of Extraordinary Gentlemen #1” isn’t an answer, but “LoEG v1, which includes #1,” is. Make sense?

I’m going to close off submissions on Wednesday, unless the thread dies off before then, and then I’m going to go through with my crack team of comics criticism scientists (read: me, myself, and I) and pick out the six best. Those six will get an email from me so that I can get their addresses and then I’m going to mail them a book. I get to pick the book, but all three are about equally awesome.

How’s that sound? Have at it.

Another fun-filled week comes to a close. Last time, Hank Pym blew himself up to save the SHIELD folks. None of this would have happened if they remembered Ultimate Captain Marvel exists. There’s a joke in there about Pym committing suicide because he saw that his Janet-less self leads to Dan Slott’s Mighty Avengers, but I… oh, wait. I just made the joke. Carry on.

Let’s finish this off with the Ultimates.

Wow, that’s not a very impressive line-up for the Ultimates. Two of them just died, one of them is dying and the other one wants to die.

Hope you enjoyed this week’s run. ManiacClown and I had a blast. I’m going to be gone for the next few days thanks to the CHIKARA King of Trios tournament in Philly, but I’ll be back with more of that Venom garbage people seem to enjoy. In the meantime, enjoy the usual set of words from hermanos and Esther.

Week 4!

And now for something completely different.

DC has just announced a new weekly.  It’ll be oversized, sixteen pages, and feature one-page stories about all kinds of different DCU characters.  There will be the typical characters like Batman and Superman but Wednesday Comics, the title of the weekly, will also bring all of DC’s obscure characters into the limelight.

The thing about me is I hate and fear change.  I’m also not a fan of disorder, and I know these things won’t fit in my long-boxes.  And yet, I cannot resist this.  Standalone stories.  Random characters.  I’m there.

You?

Dwayne McDuffie: I wrote a scene set at their gravesite that I recently had to quickly rewrite into something not very good.

Matthew Murray: Do you actually enjoy writing JLA? It just seems to be constant editorial rewrites and bad art.

McDuffie: No, I don’t.

To be honest, I wouldn’t like writing JLA either if I was paired up with an artist with zero storytelling skills, multiple tie-ins and interruptions due to crossovers or just editorial mandate (no one but Dan Jurgens cares about Tangent Comics, DC), and having to clean up Brad “Write First, Think Later” Meltzer’s crappy subplots.

I think back to this, back when I was excited, and this, when the shine first started wearing off, and then this, coming a year later, in which I don’t even want to read a series I was hyped for and features characters I love because I know it’s going to be subpar.

I said it in 2007:

Step 1: Hire a quality writer, one known for doing right by your characters.
Step 2: Pair him up with a T&A artist or two, neither of whom are known for their ability to convey emotions beyond Angry, Shocked, and Aroused.
Step 3: Hamstring the writer by making him tie into your crappy stories that have nothing to do with the book he’s writing.

Turns out I was right.

Well done, DC Comics.

(thread on McDuffie’s forum here, via the new scans daily)

Yesterday’s installment featured Thor and Captain America talking about financing or whatever, followed by Iron Man and Ms. Less-Than-Marvel taking on Multiple Man. Then an arrow shot out. Who could it possibly be?!

In Ultimate X-Men #100, they killed off Ultimate Madrox, so in one fell swoop we get rid of the Matrix and Rocky Horror jokes. Due to the latter, ManiacClown is currently inconsolable.

Join us tomorrow as we close out yet another week.

Day Seven!

Reading about Oracle always tangles me up in logistical questions.  Does second-life work like that?  Can a guy really open up a wall in a game?  When a woman screams in real life, does it make any sense at all that her avatar starts screaming, too?  Because I think she would be too busy screaming to tell her character to scream.  Then again, maybe it’s pre-programmed that they scream under certain circumstances.

And how does one explode a human head, anyway?  I first thought it would happen with an explosive device, but that couldn’t happen unless said device were pre-planted in said head.  The second idea was heating up the liquid inside the skull with microwaves, but it seems like that would get the excess liquid to bubble out the eyes and nasal cavities.  Unless it happened fast enough to heat the liquid instantly, which brings us back to an explosive device.

While I may not be much of a second-lifer or skull-exploder, I do know my Babsology, and more importantly, my superheroes.  The series is called The Cure.  The first issue chronicles the villain’s desperate, yet evil, attempts to save his desperately ill daughter.  It also makes much of the hero’s misery over her grievous injury.  Babs is going to have to choose whether to heal the girl or heal herself.  Being a hero, she’s going to heal the girl.  There is a way that set-ups like these go.  In fact, this is the way that this set-up has already gone in Birds of Prey.

And so, of course, I’m hoping it goes the other way.  Part of this is because of my shameless bias for Batgirl Babs.  Part of it – let’s say that I’ve had it up to here with stories that come complete with forgone conclusions.  My heart drops a bit each time I see summaries that go along the lines of:  “Will Batman kill the Joker this time?”  “Is this the end for Lois and Clark?”  “Is Batman dead?”  The answer is always ‘no.’  Always.  Without exception.  We know it the moment we pick up the solicit.

This time, I’m hoping for a surprise.

And we return. As you may recall, the last installment had the X-Men being dysfunctional as always. Then we saw Thor and Captain America fight side-by-side against the Army of Darkness in order to save the life of Valkyrie.

In terms of cutting room floor jokes, ManiacClown wanted to have Danvers complain that she can accept being killed by Magneto or Doom, but not a C-lister like Multiple Man. Then after a series of shots, “BLAM! D-lister. BLAM! E-lister. BLAM!”

Tomorrow we have… Okay, let me break it down for you. The first issue had a variant cover of Dazzler. The second one had a variant cover of Xavier. We saw what happened with those two. This issue’s variant has Yellowjacket. You know you want to read tomorrow’s update.

Day Six!
Day Seven!