Eh. I couldn’t resist.

40) Siryn Stays
Deadpool #5 (1997)
Writer: Joe Kelly

Deadpool’s healing factor has been on the fritz, and he’s offered help from a strange source in Dr. Killbrew. Killbrew is the sadistic scientist who tortured Wade and gave him his powers in the first place, but now he’s a guilt-ridden old man who wants to make things right. Deadpool really wants to tear him apart, but two things are stopping him. One, the cure for his ailing healing factor and two, Siryn is in his company for the adventure.

After a run-in with the Hulk, Deadpool has a blood sample that’s able to pump him back up to working condition. Behind Siryn’s back, he tries to murder Killbrew. Killbrew is only slightly reluctant, but accepts that he deserves this. Before Deadpool can end it for him, Siryn breaks the door down with her voice. She’s furious at Deadpool and stands in front of Killbrew to protect him.

The two argue back and forth, with Deadpool continuingly demanding Siryn leaves the room so he can do this. She flat out refuses, making him freak out. He doesn’t want to show this part of himself in front of her, but he’s being given no choice. Siryn demands to see proof that Deadpool’s inner animal wins out over the good man she knows he can be and lets it slip that she’s known for a while that Deadpool’s been creepily watching over her when she sleeps and feels safe because of it. She promises she’ll be there for him, allowing Deadpool to feel mercy for once in his life. He tells Killbrew to get the hell out of there ASAP and to thank Siryn for being able to keep his pulse.

39) Deathstrokin’ the Terminator
Agent X #14 (200)
Writer: Gail Simone

Jason Borelli submitted one of his favorite scenes:

This came at the end of Agent X, where Black Swan dragged an addled Deadpool with him in order to regain his full self. And Wade found a “binky,” and it wasn’t a pacifier.

“Binky”? Eh… close enough.

The final arc of Agent X has the Black Swan show himself at Alex’s home with a mentally retarded Deadpool in his care. Without understanding his own actions, Alex reacts by shooting Deadpool in the head. Taskmaster tries to save Wade by use of tin foil and a staple gun and it looks like he’s going to survive. Black Swan spends the next few pages on exposition, but to keep things entertaining, Alex and Sandi toss Deadpool’s recovering body into the bathtub. When Sandi isn’t looking, Alex notes how peaceful Deadpool looks before repeatedly punching him in the face.

In the middle of Black Swan’s explanation for how he and Deadpool are still alive, Deadpool lets out a loud scream from the bathroom and yells at everyone to come in and look. What do they find?

Gail Simone wrote a comic where Deadpool masturbates in front of loved ones and it still sees the light of day. Comic books are amazing sometimes.

They take Taskmaster’s van to their amusement park headquarters. Alex and Sandi still have to put up with Deadpool’s love for his scabby manhood. Alex misses another chunk of exposition because he’s too busy yelling, “Bad moron! Bad! Stop that! That’s dirty!”

38) Showdown with Taskmaster
Deadpool #2 (1997)
Writer: Joe Kelly

Michelle P. loves the hell out of the second issue of Kelly’s run.

Pretty much all of it. Deadpool fights Task Master for the first time. I hate to sound like a blurb on the back of the book, but that issue really does sum up the original Deadpool run pretty well. Lots of action, lots of dialogue, Deadpool showing that he has a human side, and then showing that he is also a bastard. Also, I’m pretty sure he beats Task Master by throwing down dance moves.

Yes! Yes, he did!

Taskmaster has kidnapped Weasel and when they throwdown for the first time, Taskmaster wins. After all, Taskmaster’s powers give him an advantage in any one-on-one fight. Not only does he have the ability to copy all human movements, but he’s an expert at reading gestures and knowing where the fight will go next.

He knows what special abilities you have. He can see the enhancements. He can detect the increased electrical activity in your brain. He knows what moves you’re preparing to make. He’s fought your fight already, in his head, in a million different ways. He can hit you without you even seeing him. He’s what soldiers dream of growing into. He’s what children see when they first imagine what death is like. He’s the Taskm…

Damn it. I got my awesome comic characters confused.

The rematch goes differently. Taskmaster cuts off Deadpool’s middle finger and tells his class of criminal students that Deadpool’s going to lash out in an act of unbridled rage. Yet… no.

Rather, Deadpool goes into a fighting style based around dancing and farting. This completely blows Taskmaster’s mind and opens him up for a beating.

Taskmaster doesn’t even fight back. He’s too confused and outraged at what just happened, promising that one day he’ll break Deadpool.

Interesting fact: Taskmaster was meant to have a much larger role initially in Joe Kelly’s run. After his defeat, he was going to somehow enhance his power to the point that not only can he copy movement, but strategy and intuition as well. Too bad. I would’ve liked seeing where that would have went.

37) Telekinetic Assist
Cable/Deadpool #41 (2007)
Writer: Fabian Nicieza

During the big X-Men vs. Hecatomb storyline, Providence is ravaged and chaotic. Domino finds Black Box mauled to death with Sabretooth holding onto Irene Merryweather as a hostage. Deadpool flies in and opens fire on Sabretooth, allowing the others to escape. At this time, Deadpool and Cable are on very, very bad terms due to Cable messing with Wade’s mind in order to guilt trip him about all the people he’s killed over the years. Still, Deadpool knows it’s the right thing to do and goes up against Sabretooth.

Deadpool shoots the ever-loving hell out of Sabretooth. The art is dark, but by the time Deadpool runs out of bullets, there doesn’t seem to be all that much holding Sabretooth together. They fight hand-to-hand and reach a stalemate as Cable looks on. He just set the island to explode and figures that the two of them can probably survive the blast. Then he decides against it and steps in.

“Hello, Wade. Goodbye, Victor.”

With a little push of telekinesis, he heaves Sabretooth several miles into the distance and into the middle of the ocean.

Ah, there you go!

This leads to more great stuff, but that’ll be covered further down the line.

36) Teaming with Taskmaster
Deadpool (v.2) #9 (2009)
Writers: Daniel Way and Andy Diggle

It doesn’t feel quite right to induct a piece from a story arc that’s still going on, but if I can do Messiah Complex, I can do the Deadpool/Thunderbolts crossover.

Deadpool’s friendship with Bullseye led to some good moments, but from the beginning it knew that it didn’t have any legs. Deadpool is a guy working towards having a conscience, while just the other week, Bullseye murdered a civilian he just saved for no reason other than blowing off some steam. Deadpool’s come along too far and Bullseye’s gone too far.

Now, doing the same kind of relationship with Taskmaster instead? That’s more like it. Taskmaster hits similar notes as Deadpool. He’s a top-level mercenary, he’s an expert at hand-to-hand combat, he’s got a sense of humor, he’s greedy, he can be a total badass at times and at the end of the day, he isn’t a total piece of shit. Come on, go read that issue of Avengers: The Initiative about that kid Boulder and tell me Taskmaster doesn’t have his redeeming human qualities.

Like with a lot of Deadpool’s relationships, the two of them don’t seem to actively like one another, but have the uncanny ability to endure each other. They’ll verbally tear into each other and all, but remain reliable. And hey, at least Deadpool’s nice enough not to bring up the time Taskmaster cried like a little girl at Moon Knight’s mercy. Back in Cable/Deadpool, Taskmaster sums it up quite nicely with the line, “The things I do for friends I can’t stand…”

In the crossover with Thunderbolts, Deadpool has hired Taskmaster to work with him in order to get back at that swindler Norman Osborn – along with the side-mission of getting romantic with Black Widow II. Now, for the last couple years, some fans have argued on line about the Taskmaster’s costumes. Some like the classic Skeletor costume. Others like the Agency X hoodie outfit. Only now do I know which Taskmaster costume is truly the best.

This whole team-up is filled with the two of them playing off each other real well. Especially once Taskmaster-as-Deadpool tries to horn in on the Black Widow action.

We get at least one more issue of this team-up, so that’s not too bad.

35) Deadpool vs. Agent X
Cable/Deadpool #12 (2005)
Writer: Fabian Nicieza

One of the problems I had with Nicieza’s Cable/Deadpool – other than how confusing some of the super-science aspects were – was that Nicieza sometimes seems a bit too focused on his own Deadpool work and less receptive of others’. We got a couple T-Ray appearances and a Blind Al cameo, but other than that, he seems to completely focus on his own previously-created characters and plotlines. This is my way of saying that the Black Box storyline bored me to tears.

That’s why it was nice to see Alex Hayden show up whenever he would, even though he retained the scars that he cleaned away at the end of his own series. Then again that’s just because he looks more badass that way, so play ball.

Deadpool is working with the Fixer in order to save Cable from his catatonic state. Alex appears, under contract by an unknown entity to make sure Cable stays out of the game. Deadpool and the Ken to his Ryu (or more fittingly, the K’ to his Kyo, if you get the reference) go at it, shooting and stabbing while screaming the same stuff to each other at the same time. Deadpool hates his own guts, meaning he also hates Alex’s guts just as much. Literally, in this case.

Alex brings up the “winkie” episode from earlier and notes that he’s still in therapy. The two fire their guns at each other at the same time, each falling to the ground. Deadpool is up first and takes advantage by slicing and dicing Alex while he’s down.

Weasel and the Fixer are having a bit of trouble, so Deadpool runs up to help them out.

Later in the arc, Alex confronts Deadpool over stealing his pancreas. Sure, he grew another one, but it’s the principle of it all!

34) The Death of Dr. Killbrew
Deadpool #19 (1998)
Writer: Joe Kelly

Deadpool is on the run from Ajax and has the unfortunate company of Ilaney the German pilot and Dr. Killbrew. Deadpool only keeps Killbrew alive because he needs a way to kill Ajax. This leads to a conversation Killbrew starts about how guys like them are able to break the cycle of violence and live real lives. Deadpool explodes at him, asking what he’s done to break that cycle. As far as he’s seen, all Killbrew’s done is run off into a cabin and feel guilty. Deadpool then gets really mad the moment he finds out Killbrew doesn’t know how to defeat Ajax.

Ajax soon after tracks down Deadpool and overwhelms him with his cybernetic fisticuffs. Ilaney is beside herself in fear, but Killbrew decides to do what needs to be done. Figuring that Wade was right, he takes a canister of gasoline and a torch and lets it loose on Ajax’s head. It doesn’t come close to killing him, but it does mess up his helmet and give Deadpool some breathing room.

What was that Monty said? “Finally… in the coldest circle of Hell, the Devil will teach you mercy… and for a brief moment… you will believe.”

Held up by Ajax, Killbrew accepts his coming death. Ajax then kills him gruesomely by squeezing him like an accordion to the point that his eyeballs bulge out and his teeth go flying. Ilaney gets Deadpool to use this sacrifice as time to run, which our hero reluctantly does, cursing Killbrew for being stupid.

Later, Killbrew’s ghost appears. He’s glowing red and his arms are chained, but he seems at peace with himself. With Ilaney on the verge of death, Killbrew’s last act on Earth before enduring his punishment in the afterlife is to touch her on the head and give her the power to pull through.

33) Deadpool is Downright Fierce
Deadpool #27 (1999)
Writer: Joe Kelly

Don’t look surprised! You knew this was coming.

In the words of Jason Borelli:

Wade was having a breakdown, and Dr. Bong suggested he fight somebody to work things out. Watching Wade scream “SNIKT ME!” was funny, and he did end up having a breakthrough, even as Logan popped the claws right through him.

Deadpool’s been having delusions involving a mystery woman pouring milk and ugly cartoon bunnies hopping all over the place. He goes to Howard the Duck villain Dr. Bong for psychiatric advice and is told to get in an ultra-violent fight to unlock the door of his mind. He always seems to reach an epiphany during his action sequences, so it makes enough sense to him to go through with it. Since he and Wolverine can stab each other until the hypnotized Skrulls come home, he goes after the old Weapon X alumni.

Wolverine’s hanging with Kitty Pryde and wants no part of Deadpool. Logan is choosing the high road for once and tries to walk away. Now, usually Kitty Pryde is on our side. She’s a hero in other comics. Here, she’s nothing but an antagonist. An antagonist to Wade for getting in the way of his path to sanity and an antagonist to us, who would really like to see Wolverine man up and start stabbing something.

Ah, the classics. This sequence gets tossed around the internet so much that it’s completely lost its luster, but by gum, it deserves to be here. What can I say? I’m a Street Fighter enthusiast. It’s a reference out of left field, it’s so absurd that it no longer matters that Deadpool is assaulting a woman and in the end, Deadpool is going out of his way to pick a fight with one of the most dangerous men alive for a really idiotic reason. You know what else? This is the issue that hermanos had me read years back to introduce me to Deadpool. That’s right. This whole entire thing is David Brothers’ fault.

Also neat is how when Deadpool does reach his epiphany, Wolverine tears into him. Wolverine holds Deadpool in the air, impaling him with crossed claws, which is a reference to Deadpool’s pose on the cover of their first meeting years earlier.

32) Where Everybody Knows Your Past
Cable/Deadpool #19 (2005)
Writer: Fabian Nicieza

Having finished up their House of M adventure, Cable has started aging at an exceptional rate. He uses up his powers to fix up the holes in Deadpool’s brain, getting rid of his tendency to have blackouts and the like. The two take a trip to Intercourse, Pennsylvania, where they hang out at a bar and trade backstories. Of course, due to Cable appearing like a teenager at this point, he’s refused any alcohol.

Deadpool’s story focuses on his father, an army guy that beat Wade every other day when he was younger. From his flashbacks, we see that a lot of Wade’s personality problems came from his mother dying of cancer when Wade was only 5.

I’ll let Lurdiak take care of the rest:

One of my favorite Deadpool moments was the Cable and Deadpool issue where they go to a bar and trade stories while waiting for Nathan to age back from being a teenager to an old grump, and in one flashback we see one of Cable’s best friend’s being vaporized due to a nano-bomb in his system, and in the other we see Deadpool’s army dad being killed. The way the stories are set up is meant to make us think Cable watched helplessly as his friend died and that Deadpool killed his own father, but in the end we see that Cable pulled the trigger himself to prevent his enemies from detonating his friend when he was back at base, and that young Wade Wilson tried to save his dad from some punk, despite all the friction between the two.

Neither one confesses the full details of the story to the other and it’s a big contrast to how things usually are between them (Cable being the hero and Deadpool being a dick) but it also reinforces how Cable chose his own path and Deadpool is more of a victim of life than a truly free individual, and that was pretty sad. It’s more of a Cable/Deadpool moment but it’s really the Deadpool side of that story that brought a tear to my eye.

31) Democracy Smash!
Contest of Champions II #4 (1999)
Writer: Chris Claremont

I’ve done a full review of Contest of Champions II a while back, but the Deadpool aspect of it still surprises me. The story is about some Brood aliens hypnotizing Earths heroes into a fighting tournament. There are a lot of hero vs. hero fights in there, usually designated to single panels, but a couple of them were special in that the fans got to vote on the winners. In one issue, we get Hulk vs. Reed Richards, which is a rather dumb waste for such an idea. Who isn’t going to vote Hulk?

Then we get Deadpool vs. Daredevil. Granted, this was before Bendis’ amazing Daredevil run, but Deadpool won this match. Yes, at one point way back when, Deadpool was capable of beating Daredevil in a glorified popularity contest. Amazing.

So thanks to fan votes, Hulk beat Mr. Fantastic (he inhaled him and spat him out) and Deadpool beat Daredevil (tricking him into letting his guard down, then holding a gun to his head). That only makes it fitting that our winners meet in the next round, right?

Hulk’s pound tears a hole in the ground that swallows up Deadpool, maiming him on his long fall down. Deadpool cries, “This is so not fair!” which is met with Hulk landing down on his chest while roaring, “SMASH!”

The narration asks, “Guess who wins?”

If you’re wondering, then yes: Chris Claremont + Deadpool leads to a scary, scary amount of text.

Ten more tomorrow. For now, let’s look at the more negative aspects of Deadpool’s existence. THE TOP 5 DEADPOOL MISFIRES. And to be fair, I won’t include any of those embarrassingly bad live action movies people have on YouTube. If you value your sanity, you’ll take my word on it.

5) Deadpool of Snot

I think the reason Christopher Priest’s run isn’t so well-regarded is easily explained. The way to write a humor-based story is to come up with a story and then write the jokes in addition to it. Coming up with jokes and then writing a story around that is destined for failure. That’s what Priest’s stuff seemed like to me. It was ultimately pretty directionless and made of sight gags that just didn’t pan out.

Early in the run, Deadpool finds out that unless he’s wearing a containment suit, he’s going to be melting into snot all the time. Unless tossing the word “snot” around a lot was the goal, I’m not sure what the point was of all this. Deadpool gets involved with Loki and this whole subplot is forgotten about before they can even use it for anything.

Then later on, there’s this whole thing about Deadpool in space, dealing with his unlikeable interns. At one point, Deadpool becomes gradually fat over the course of a scene. I really have no idea why. Maybe the reason passed me by when I tried reading it over again, but I got nothing. He’s really fat in space and this questionable sight gag is done away with after Deadpool uses a teleporter. Because teleporting makes you skinny or something. I don’t know.

At least that stuff about Deadpool being cursed to look like “Thom Cruz” worked in ways.

4) Dirty Wolff

Speaking of the space stuff, let’s talk about Dirty Wolff. In comics, the different companies love to use analogues. It’s a way for the writer to incorporate a character from another company while either altering the concept or making a parody. In The Boys, they had a Wolverine knockoff with hammers for hands. Justice League International used to have a Captain America type who was there to mentor Guy Gardner. Spider-Man dealt with a Superman-like being who turned out to be a Super-Skrull… and later turned out to be Jesus.

You have to use them in some way that makes them more than a cookie cutter facsimile. Priest didn’t know this when he created Dirty Wolff. Hey, you know Lobo? The DC character who Wolverine raped in a bar and I cheered him on because Lobo is a completely awful design? The difference between Lobo and Dirty Wolff is this: Wolff wears a metal mask. That’s it.

There’s no homage or joke at the original character’s expense or twist on the original concept. It’s just Lobo… with a mask. Meeting Deadpool. Yay.

3) Cruel Summer

This one always grinds my gears. I rail on Priest’s run, but at the end of the day, it was energetic and some jokes did hit the mark. Palmiotti’s run on Deadpool started with a noir story in the pages of X-Men Unlimited #28 that seemed way too dark and murky for a Deadpool comic. Then it moved to a three-issue arc called Cruel Summer, taking part in Deadpool #46-48.

It starts off well enough with Deadpool fighting a bank robber whose power is a sack with a portal inside it that acts as a gateway for an army of flesh-eating Pokemon. Once that’s over with, we get a crime drama that lacks humor and the ability to keep my interest.

The big flaw with Palmiotti’s Deadpool issues is that it never felt that he was writing stories about Deadpool himself. It usually felt like he was writing stories about the guest character of the month and Deadpool was just a supporting role. Then it all depends on whether or not you like the spotlighted character. Punisher and Kid Deadpool? Sounds fine to me. The Sisters of Mercy? No thank you. The double-crossing tattoo artist that Deadpool falls in love with at first sight? Hells no!

I was so turned off by these three issues that I almost quit the series, but thankfully it got better. Years back, I had former 4L writer Hoatzin check the series out. These are his feelings from that arc:

Oh god, now I know what you mean. I’ve been secretly catching up on Deadpool, and I have arrived at the second chapter of Cruel Summer. This is so not Deadpool. 🙁 The new characters suck (Cop guy! Black guy! Love interest from out of fucking nowhere!) and what little humor there is comes across as really… I don’t know, I guess you could call it obnoxious. And why the hell does he care so much for some random chick he met like three days ago and went out on a date with once? Whatever happened to him being a huge bastard? How long until it starts getting good again?

2) The Death of Copycat

Deadpool’s first in-comic girlfriend Copycat makes her return at the end of Priest’s run and hangs around on and off for the next fifteen issues. As part of the Weapon X storyline, Deadpool has to protect her from being hunted down by his former teammates. While he’s busy taking down Garrison Kane, Copycat is mauled off-panel by Sabretooth. She tells Deadpool she loves him and then dies in his arms. It’s pretty sad and the layout is effective.

The problem is in the payoff. What exactly is the point of having Sabretooth kill her? Anyone with a brain knows that nothing will come out of it. At the Marvel offices, Sabretooth has a far better parking spot. You know what Deadpool’s big revenge is? He shoves his own melting arm down Sabretooth’s throat, which he of course survives.

They should have made it Kane. At least then we can buy the idea that maybe Deadpool can actually avenge Copycat’s death.

To add fuel to the fire, when Deadpool joins the villain team in Identity Disc, Sabretooth is there too. Not once does he make any mention of their past or anything. Instead, he spends all his energy fucking around with Bullseye.

The Deadpool vs. Sabretooth fight I mentioned earlier from Cable/Deadpool was nice, but it really could have used him saying something like, “This is for Vanessa!” Just saying.

1) The Whole “Jack” Situation

Ahhhhhh. The big can of worms. I’m sure you knew this was going to be #1 the moment you saw this list.

Okay, so Joe Kelly’s run leads into the big revelation that Deadpool is NOT Wade Wilson. T-Ray is, in fact, the real Wade Wilson. Years ago, a drifter named Jack was rescued by Wade Wilson and his wife Mercedes. Jack’s plan was to kill Wade and take his identity. It all went wrong, leading to the deaths of the married couple. Jack went insane, became Wade Wilson and in his mind, he was the one attacked. The true Wade came back from the dead as T-Ray and dedicated himself to trying to make Deadpool pay for his past crimes.

At the end of the run, T-Ray lets Deadpool keep the name “Wade Wilson”, as it’s a loser’s name. It doesn’t matter to us because we’ve already seen him kill and ruin people’s lives. It’s just another example of Deadpool rising over his past mistakes. It’s cool and it doesn’t have to be mentioned ever again.

Then Frank Tieri shows up. After killing off Deadpool, he writes a story where T-Ray returns and uses a crystal to both raise Deadpool from the dead and turn pieces of Deadpool’s personality into sentient beings. At the climax (or anti-climax, really), Deadpool breaks the crystal and all the personalities are pulled into T-Ray’s body, jumbling T-Ray’s mind and making him catatonic.

“So boys and girls… if T-Ray absorbed all the components of my personality… that means he was never ‘me’ in the first place. I was always the real Wade Wilson. I knew it.”

I… what? Why? I have yet to see anyone make any sense out of that. Was it really necessary?

Then in Cable/Deadpool, Nicieza brings T-Ray back. T-Ray wants revenge on Deadpool and Alex Hayden for stealing his identity. During his fight with Deadpool, Deadpool starts going through the holes in T-Ray’s story. Or at least, holes that Deadpool makes up. Stuff like how T-Ray doesn’t have a healing factor, so he can’t possibly be the real Wade Wilson. Or retcons Nicieza made up about how Deadpool enlisted in the army as “Wade Winston Wilson”.

The whole last page of it is really just a bitter Nicieza talking down to the fanboys about how Deadpool is totally the true Wade Wilson and that all the Deadpool backstory that Christopher Priest wrote is utter horseshit. As obnoxious as it seems, he takes a chill pill by the next time T-Ray resurfaces. This time, Deadpool admits that in the end, it all depends on which writer you like better.

Man, what a headache.

Day Five!
Day Six!

The Top 70 Deadpool Moments Day 1: Stranded in the Combat Zone

The Top 70 Deadpool Moments Day 2: So You Said That Only Proves That I’m Insane

4 Elements: Uncanny X-Force #5

The Top 70 Deadpool Moments Day 7: But It Just May Be a Lunatic You’re Looking For

The Top 70 Deadpool Moments Day 6: You May Be Right, I May Be Crazy

Posted in comic books, Lists, Top 70 Deadpool Moments by Gavok |