Holy… I can’t believe I never noticed that line before. That’s awesome!
And now, the countdown.
60) Zombie Double-Cross
Deadpool (v.2) #4-5 (2009)
Writer: Daniel Way
Deadpool is unfortunately running into an annoying habit of his writers doing the same story again and again. Between the story in question, the Game$ of Death one-shot and the current Suicide Kings miniseries (all within a couple months of each other), Deadpool has been tossed into stories where he’s hired to do a job for a million dollars, only it’s all one big set-up. Come on, guys. Mix it up every once and a while.
That said, I really dug the end of the first recent story to do this. As part of the new series by Daniel Way, Deadpool is hired to rescue a rich former mercenary’s wife from a corrupt plastic surgeon Dr. Lovosno and his faction of zombies. As it turns out, Deadpool himself is payment from the rich guy, as the zombies can feed off of him forever. In theory. In actuality, Deadpool takes horrible to cannibal types, so that idea’s in the crapper. He sets up a way for Lovosno’s zombies to feed on the traitorous merc and his henchmen, only he backstabs the zombies too by slipping out and blowing up the entire area.
Lovosno’s head lands near Deadpool, whining about how Wade betrayed them all.
Maybe I just find something really funny about kicking disembodied heads that can still talk. Like in Waterboy.
59) Mr. Sinister’s Bathroom
Cable/Deadpool #17 (2005)
Writer: Fabian Nicieza
Due to something going on in X-Force, Cable has gone missing across the multiverse and since he and Deadpool are genetically linked when they teleport, Cable’s friends need Deadpool to help track him down. First this involves keeping Deadpool in a tube and harness Forge created that’s supposed to get a lock on Cable’s location or… something like that. Being stuck in there for four days, Deadpool really, really has to pee.
He’s never allowed that luxury and instead is tossed from world to world to see different alternate versions of Cable. This leads him back to Earth 616, though Wade doesn’t realize it. While he was off adventuring for just a few minutes, Scarlet Witch had turned the world into the House of M reality. Deadpool arrives to find that Cable is a baby taken care of by farmer and scientist Mr. Sinister. After a very brief fight, Deadpool calls for a timeout.
“Hey, listen, by any chance, can I use your bathroom? I mean, I haven’t gone in like four days and—“
“Down the hall, first door on your right.”
“You’re the best mad scientist ever!”
What follows is a couple pages of Deadpool pissing with a relief none of us can never imagine as Sinister patiently holds Baby Cable outside the bathroom door.
Also great is when Deadpool’s done, they continue the conversation. Deadpool steps out of the bathroom and Sinister interrupts him and demands he washes his hands.
58) Meet Bob, Agent of Hydra
Cable/Deadpool #38 (2007)
Writer: Fabian Nicieza
I like Bob and I’m glad he’s been popping up in the current Deadpool run. No matter how ominous Secret Warriors wants to make Hydra with their big retcons, it won’t change the fact that their henchmen are a bunch of jackoffs. Bob is a jackoff with a blog. No wonder I like this guy.
Deadpool’s sidekick makes his first appearance when Deadpool has to infiltrate a Hydra compound to save Alex Hayden. Also, to make things a bit more challenging, Deadpool has been shrunken down by Pym Particles.
Deadpool pilots Bob into shooting other Hydra goons. Later on, as they try to escape, Bob says that they won’t let him back into Hydra because of this. Deadpool tells him he should be fine, since he’s forced him at gunpoint. To support that, Deadpool casually shoots Bob in the arm.
57) Enough is Enough! I am Sick of These Monkey-Fighting Juggernauts on This Monday-to-Friday Plane!
Deadpool: The Circle Chase #2 (1993)
Writer: Fabian Nicieza
In a fight over a mysterious disk, Deadpool gets in a tangle with Black Tom Cassidy and the Juggernaut. Naturally, he’s on the losing end of that fight. He gets ready for a rematch when he finds out that a Mr. Cain Biggs and Mr. Thomas Small have bought tickets for a plane out of Cairo. As the plane is taking off, Deadpool breaks in and asks the fellow villains what the in-flight movie is.
Fighting Black Tom is a bad idea. Fighting Juggernaut is a worse idea. Fighting them on an airplane, where you can’t even run and hide, is a really stupid idea. Stupid like a fox!
Deadpool opens the emergency exit and sends Black Tom out of there, though he keeps him from falling via a cable. If Juggernaut takes a step, he’ll let go.
Juggernaut may be unstoppable, but that doesn’t matter all too much when he’s jumping out of a plane to save his buddy.
Deadpool closes the door, laughs over what a dumb concept friendship is, and takes a seat so as to enjoy the rest of the flight.
56) The Hit on Curtis Boland
Deadpool #68 (2002)
Writer: Gail Simone
Businessman C.L. Montgomery has hired Deadpool to take care of his enemy Curtis Boland. Boland worked in Montgomery’s mailroom years ago and due to cutting costs, he had to be let go. He happened to be fired on his birthday, which has caused Boland to become an obsessive jerkhead about it. He’s rebuilt himself to become nearly as rich and has gone to stalking Montgomery to the point that he knows his son is a mutant and is willing to go public on it.
Deadpool isn’t so sure about the job, but meets up with Montgomery’s young son. Though never shown, the boy is supposedly super hideous and Wade feels a connection to him. He takes the job and as Montgomery readies the blueprints of Boland’s building, Deadpool simply rides his motor scooter off a ramp, through the window and then through the window in Boland’s building.
This would be an easy job for the Merc with a Mouth, but due to the mind virus given to him by the Black Swan, he experiences extremely painful migraines and begs Boland’s men to kill him. Boland instead stomps on Deadpool’s hands and says that for raising the stakes, he’s not only going to expose Montgomery’s mutant son, but kill him as well. After smacking Deadpool and calling him a sickening, weak man, Boland is surprised to see Deadpool laughing.
See, during all that, Deadpool tied Boland’s shoes together. He gives him a little sweep kick and lets gravity do the rest for him.
55) Daredevil Spoiler
Cable/Deadpool #30 (2006)
Writer: Fabian Nicieza
A couple years back, Matt Murdock was in prison and another Daredevil was on the streets. This led to a Daredevil vs. Daredevil fight where the fake revealed himself by making his fist glow and showing us that he was Danny Rand. I know I’m biased, but that’s probably one of my favorite uses of a mystery man in a comic story. It gave Brubaker’s Daredevil run some intrigue to start off with, it was a surprising reveal without being completely out of nowhere and it really led to some great stuff.
Which reminds me. Fat Cobra is getting his own one-shot soon. That rules!
In Daredevil and Civil War, there wasn’t much to go on when it came to who Daredevil was other than we knew Daredevil could see and Iron Fist was completely missing from the Civil War clusterfuck. I guess that does make it more obvious when you look at the Luke Cage issue of New Avengers.
The cool thing is, the biggest hint came in the form of Cable/Deadpool. First, you have to look back to Cable/Deadpool #21, where our two heroes take on Luke Cage and Iron Fist. Check out this martial arts exchange between Deadpool and Iron Fist.
Nothing too special, right?
Let’s go further down the line. During the Civil War, Deadpool fights the fake Daredevil. Five pages into their fight/debate, BOOM!
“George Carlin. ‘Vuja de’ – the feeling none of this has ever happened before.”
“Okay, the other one then. Déjà vu. This has happened. Hey—wait a minute—you’re not even Daredevil for real, are you? –You’re really—“
Then Captain America’s projectile shield shuts him up.
I always thought that was a cool hint.
54) Monty’s Prediction
Deadpool #17 (1998)
Writer: Joe Kelly
I always thought Montgomery truly added something special to Kelly’s Deadpool run. He was just as freakish as Wade, but despite his lack of action skills, a bit more likeable and worth rooting for. Maybe it’s because of his inability to defend himself, which makes you feel for the guy anytime he’s forced to do something against his will.
His true breakout moment comes as Deadpool is still reeling from his latest and biggest emotional breakdown. Siryn is gone, Blind Al is unresponsive, Weasel is gone, his friendship with Bullseye is strained and he feels horrible about most of it. He’s too guilt-ridden to be a monster and he’s too much of a dirtbag to stand taller. LL&L’s assessment that he’s destined to be their big hero isn’t helping his situation and it’s causing him to lash out at his liaison Zoe Culloden.
Monty stands up to Deadpool and verbally slaps the taste out of his mouth.
First he brings up what a loser Deadpool is and how much he pities himself. Then he alludes to Deadpool’s mistreatment of Blind Al, which angers Deadpool greatly. He doesn’t like people going into his personal business, but Monty steps through that by pointing out how Wade wears his emotions on his sleeve. If Deadpool really wants to turn his life around, he needs to believe in something. Monty uses himself for just that.
“So… are you going to return me to my chair… or shall we be taking my life today?”
Deadpool ignores Zoe’s insistence over what a big deal it is that Monty told Deadpool the future. He decides to maybe see what Monty’s predictions have to offer and takes off. Before teleporting, he remarks, “Later, kid… And Monty… you’re all right.”
53) Living in the Fridge
Cable #13 (2009)
Writer: Duane Swierczynski
Messiah War is kind of a big deal for Wade Wilson when you look at it. Ever since getting his own series, the guy has been shunned from all the comic crossovers. Civil War? Only in a tie-in. Secret Invasion? Tie-in. House of M? Tie-in, even though Alex Hayden (as Nijo) at least got a cameo in the main book. That X-Men arc where Cable dies? Even then, only in the tie-in. Contest of Champions II? Well… okay, he was in that. But it sucked and nobody read it.
Being in Messiah War is at least a victory for the character.
The story takes place over 800 years in the future. Cable and his adopted daughter Hope are there due to time travel. X-Force are also there due to time travel. Deadpool? He’s there the old fashioned way. He waited.
Having an elongated life might not be too bad, but not this way. Deadpool is pressured into explaining his backstory or else Wolverine will continue stabbing him. During a big war, he hid himself in a meat freezer, which got pinned closed thanks to the building collapsing. Take it away, Future Deadpool!
Deadpool is eventually rediscovered by some people in the future, but he’s quick to be taken in as Stryfe’s lieutenant. While trusting him is questionable, his claim is that he’s no longer working for Stryfe due to Stryfe going too far. Either way, it’s pretty apparent that the years have not been kind to Wade’s mentality. More than usual.
By the way, Plastic Man spent 3,000 years stuck at the bottom of the ocean in scattered pieces. Beat THAT, merc!
52) Snapping at the Sidekick
Deadpool #50 (2001)
Writers: Jimmy Palmiotti and Buddy Scalera
Despite showing up in an unpopular time for Deadpool, I always liked Kid Deadpool. Christopher Cassera’s father died due to Deadpool’s inability to kill a mobster in time. As penance, Deadpool has to keep Chris safe until the boy’s father’s killer is out of the picture. Unfortunately, Chris is an asshole and outright hates Deadpool for causing his dad’s death.
Despite his lack of powers and experience, Chris is given a uniform and the label Kid Deadpool. On their first job together, Deadpool finds the 17-year-old drinking what he believes to be liquor, so he smacks it out of his hands. Later on, as Deadpool is trying to watch television, Chris goes on a rant about how much his life sucks compared to a superhero like Deadpool.
“Super powers. Super life. Probably had everything just handed to you. You’re just a spoiled old man with a lot of nice toys, and not a care in the world. You’re nothing but a wannabe phony. You can’t even do a simple job right.”
This stops Chris right in his tracks. With a horrified look, he backtracks. “I… I didn’t know.”
Deadpool angrily walks off with his head down. “What’s to know…”
51) Blow My Mind!
Cable/Deadpool #2 (200)
Writer: Fabian Nicieza
In the first arc of their joint series, Deadpool and Cable are each on the hunt for a biological morphing agent. By the first cliffhanger, they cross paths and Deadpool exclaims, “Blow my mind! If it isn’t Nathan Dayspring Askani’son Summers Cable Soldier X! So… Cable… uhm… Why’re you looking so constipa—“
And suddenly the back of Deadpool’s skull explodes. Deadpool goes down and Cable briskly walks through, muttering, “You did tell me to.”
Later on, they meet up again, albeit the back of Deadpool’s mask has a big hole in it. After a moment of debate, Deadpool gets ready for another throwdown.
“I guess kicking your butt in is inevitable?”
“Don’t make me laugh while I do this.”
The series didn’t have enough of that gag.
I just noticed that I didn’t have any reader quotes to go with any of my picks for this article. Drat. Oh well. Maybe another mini countdown will pick me up. This time? TOP FIVE DEADPOOL VILLAINS!
This… This was not an easy list to make. Sure, you can say Deadpool’s biggest enemy is himself or go with the comedy option of “low sales”, but in terms of actual villains, Deadpool doesn’t have much to go on.
5) Typhoid Mary
You have to give Mary some respect for outright antagonizing Deadpool. As the devil on his shoulder (with Siryn as the angel), she proceeded to burn down all his newfound beliefs on heroism and redemption, putting him on a major path to ruin. I’d like to see their relationship revised, personally. For one, she’s working for the government as Mutant Zero in the Initiative, which makes their rivalry awkward. Two, Deadpool never truly avenged himself against her. She won and moved on. I suppose you can say he got the moral victory, but something new would still be nice.
4) Anton Kruch
Anton is the Prime Minister of the One World Church. For those still confused, he’s the blue guy who wanted to turn everyone blue so we wouldn’t have racism.
He didn’t do too much against Deadpool other than lie to him and cause him to melt, but I put him on the list because I rather like the way he ended up. He’s one of the crazy leader types who wants to affect the world for what he believes to be the better. For a few moments he gets what he wants, but he sees the flaws. Despite everyone on Earth being turned pink, he and Deadpool are able to sit back and identify the nationalities of the populace. In some stories, this would turn someone like Kruch crazy. He’d say he was cheated or blame it on Cable and/or Deadpool. Instead, he takes it rather nicely, fully admitting that his goals were wrong and then fading into obscurity.
I thought seeing that was a breath of fresh air.
Even if it wasn’t for the shallow pool to choose from, I’m obligated by law to include T-Ray on this list. He is, at the end of the day, Deadpool’s top arch-nemesis. Now, I think he looks cool and had plenty of potential to be something more, but I never really liked what became of him. Sure, he appeared at the end of Kelly’s run to show the “truth about Wade Wilson” and all that, but after that it’s been a disaster. His role in Funeral for a Freak was atrocious and his appearances in Cable/Deadpool were also pretty lacking.
Maybe he should be used against someone other than Deadpool for an issue or two. That might help.
2) The Black Swan
While he could have used a little more flash here or there, I enjoyed the Black Swan’s run in Deadpool and Agent X. The concepts of mental torture irk the hell out of me, so I can’t help but easily find this guy as one evil bastard. He’s the man who killed Deadpool and accidentally created Alex Hayden. That in itself is worth comic book street cred. But I liked how he seems so opposite of Deadpool. Deadpool, as our protagonist, is the lighter side of the mercenary picture. He kills guys who deserve it, acts goofy and is deep down a good guy. Black Swan is cultured, but also a cowardly villain with no sense honor. I’m wondering if killing him off completely (and having him stuffed) was the best idea, but I guess Simone wanted all loose ends tied up. Or maybe she just didn’t want anyone else using the character.
If there’s ever a reason for Deadpool to be a hero, it’s to spite this son of a bitch. Francis is an outright sadist and lacks anything redeeming as a human being. It is unfortunate that he’s been killed off, but even in his death, he’s still haunting Deadpool. He’s shown up to taunt a delusional Wade in Cable/Deadpool #35. He’s shown in a flashback in Way’s current run, letting us know that despite being long-dead and appearing in only one arc, he’s still remembered for what he did and who he was. Just recently, he got a bigger role in a flashback in Weapon X: First Class #2, which goes to remind you of how much you hate the guy. It makes you want to reread his death, but even then, the entire incident is a hollow victory.
Come on, writer guys. You don’t need to shove in a C-list guest villain to keep your series going. Go dig down deep and write Deadpool an actual bad guy with staying power!
More countdown fun tomorrow.