Or do they?

How long do you give a story before you judge it? If it’s obviously one part of a series, do you wait until it’s done or are you just so turned off that you shun it forever and cast it into outer darkness?

I tend to walk the line. If it’s a writer I trust, I’ll ride it out and see where it takes me. If it’s a writer I don’t trust… well, I don’t generally read books by writers I don’t trust, so that problem basically solves itself.

I mean, I saw one of the best black characters in comics catch a bullet to the dome a while back. It was a good scene and a good story, so I stayed interested instead of turned off.

Also, can we please stop talking about how much X writer hates Y character just because bad things happen to that character? One joke in an interview two years ago does not a vendetta make, no matter how often and how loudly it’s repeated. Bendis doesn’t hate Tigra any more than he hates Dr. Strange or Mary Jane.

I should probably also talk about Young Avengers #1: Patriot sometime soon, too, huh? I’m sure you’re all dying to know my thoughts on it.

If you forgot about yesterday already, here’s the gist of it: Hawkeye and Captain America proved their worth in protecting the innocent by drugging an innocent Spider-Man, threatening to kill him and then leaving him to die alone in the snow. But if you want a real recap, you’re in luck.

Thanks to ManiacClown, who wrote a huge chunk of this one. And thanks to John Rambo, for killing half a continent over the course of 90 minutes. I salute you.

Day Four!
Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!

In our last installment, Hawkeye just kind of showed up like a jerk and shot at Spider-Man. Spider-Man realizes that the only way to counter an excessive amount of sound effects is his own assortment of too many sound effects. Let’s watch!

Thanks to ManiacClown for sharing my burden of being constantly confused for MightyGodKing.

Day Three!
Day Four!
Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!

What, you don’t think we forgot about this, did you? It’s another week of fun at 4th Letter with a brand new issue of Ultimates 3 to deal with.

If you missed the last issue, um… hm. The recap isn’t for another few pages. Bear with me. Here, just read this stuff about Spider-Man. You kids love Spider-Man, right? I promise, no Mephisto jokes.

Thanks again to ManiacClown for reminding me that most of the readers either don’t watch wrestling or are too young to get a Junkyard Dog/”THUMP!” reference.

Day Two!
Day Three!
Day Four!
Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!

Oh man! What a great joke from the fourth issue of Gotham Underground! Geordi LaForge is the newest Captain Cold, you see, and he is black, so of course he’s got ironic jokes about a) being black and b) the cold!

If only we could get a vegan black villain! At the Secret Society of Supervillains monthly buffet dinner he can be like “Well, who says all black people like chicken? And who says we don’t like watermelon!? Pile that plate up high! Mmmm-mm! I shol’ do love it! Haha, a little period humor for you, there!”

Ha! Ha! Ha!

Mark Millar is talking up his upcoming run on Wolverine over at Newsarama.

NRAMA: Okay, so sketch out Wolverine when we first see him in #66 – who is he? You say he’s broken…how? Body? Spirit? Is he still a scrapper?

MM: He’s not a scrapper anymore. He’s a guy who will see a fight, look sad and walk away. If someone spits in his face, he’ll wipe it away and walk off, even if his kids are walking. But we know what he’s capable. His teenage son thinks he’s a failure, but his wife knows what he can do when the right buttons are pushed and is proud of the fact that he’s turned his back on everything. She also knows exactly what happened to him on the night the heroes fell to the villains. So she’s entirely sympathetic.

NRAMA: Who else will we be seeing in this story?

MM: Only a few Marvel Heroes are still alive and the story mainly focuses on their descendants. There’s a new Kingpin for example and Spiderman’s granddaughter, Spider-bitch, is a favorite but the characters I’m most excited about are the radiation sick sons and grandsons of the Hulk – and inbred, ugly, incestuous team of supervillains with a nod to The Hills Have Eyes.

NRAMA: Eu. Speaking of the Hulk’s kids and descendants…what role do they serve in this new world? Besides the creepy factor…

MM: They’re the ganglords for California. Banner is a bald old man living in the remains of the Playboy mansion and he’s there with his sons and daughters and inbred gandchildren. Beau and Luke Hulk are the two terrifying enforcers giving Logan a huge amount of shit in the first issue. Steve has just knocked these villains out of the park.

Find the good or original idea in those answers.

It’s a good time to be Gavok because in just a couple days, I’ll be going to the WWE Royal Rumble in Madison Square Garden. The event has always been my own little “Wrestling Christmas” and I look forward to it every year. I felt that I needed to prepare in my own little way.

Like I recently acquired the DVD set of all 20 Royal Rumble shows in a big, white cube. Considering I also have a collection of the first 20 Wrestlemanias sitting around, gathering dust, I figured I would watch them all in chronological order. Right now I’m in the middle of Wrestlemania 9 (taking place in 1993). I figure by the time I’m completely caught up, it’ll be time for this year’s Wrestlemania.

That at least explains why I’ve been kind of lax here lately, though it’s hardly noticeable with the good job hermanos and Hoatzin have been doing. I knew I needed to do another Wrestlecomic article. I could cover the Chaos Comics WWF stuff from the late-90’s, but I think I’ll wait until I reach those years in my Royal Rumble/Wrestlemania watching to dive into that. I found a guy selling a manga from what appears to be the same people behind the Hulk Hogan manga, making a big deal about a huge battle royal featuring a bunch of big 80’s wrestlers.

I got the idea that this was some big all-star crossover fight that would last for an entire comic, so even if I couldn’t read any of it, I could at least follow what was going on. When I got my book, I discovered that this battle royal was extremely brief. I tried pretending I could follow what was going on in the manga, but it wasn’t working. I know when I’m beat. At least the Engrish cover refers to the story as “Super Real Fiction!” which, now that I think about it, is a strangely accurate description of professional wrestling.

So the manga thing was a bust. Now what? I decided that if fishing in the past wasn’t going to work, I’d see what’s going on in the present. I picked up a comic called Headlocked: Work of Art, written by Michael Kingston and drawn by Randy Valiente.

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I am kind of tired of seeing the Joker show up in non-Batman comics. Very rarely does it work, especially when he’s put alongside of other, much more useful or powerful characters. Writers tend to overstate his importance in the DCU, not because it makes any sense, but because the Joker is a popular character. Emperor Joker is the one exception because the entire point of that was showing what would happen if Joker truly did gain god-like power. Otherwise? Keep him in a context where you don’t need to artificially inflate his abilities for him to fit in or flat-out give him abilities he really shouldn’t have. (Disclaimer: While this argument could be applied to Batman’s position on the JLA, at least Batman already has abilities and resources that make him an actually valuable member.)

The incentive for this plea was the Salvation Run comic: It features two groups of villains, one led by Lex Luthor, the other by the Joker. Joker vs. Luthor? Too obvious, too forced. I don’t know how much of it is the writer(s)’ idea and how much of it is editorial mandate, but it doesn’t work. It’s pitting DC’s two most popular villains against each other in a context that doesn’t make sense. Luthor as a leader is fine, but Joker? Joker is insane. He doesn’t have much in terms of charisma or leadership skills and has nothing to offer beyond unpredictable, deadly craziness, so the writers need to jump through hoops to make him a prominent leader. Suddenly Joker is now a person who makes reasonable arguments. Suddenly everyone fears and respects him. Suddenly the human-hating Gorilla Grodd is taking orders from him for no real reason. Suddenly he’s able to kill Psimon with a rock. Come on now. I’m not a Psimon fan and I really don’t like arguments about the power levels of fictional characters, but the guy destroys planets. He killed Brainiac once. This really just doesn’t make sense and is only detrimental to the characters.

Speaking of Salvation Run, I wish they’d just gone with the original pitch and make it an Elseworlds. Seems like it would have been much more interesting.

Are Daredevil and Spider-Man the only Marvel or DC heroes with on-panel frontal nudity?

Spidey went frontal in Spider-Man: Reign (at least until an editor caught it) and Matt Murdock spent a decent bit of Elektra Lives Again with his netherbits out.

I’m just curious.

It’s interesting when you look back at some of Marvel and DC’s big villains from over the years. Having characters written by a hundred different writers over several decades and style eras lead to a ton of contrasts in character definition. It’s hard to see the humbled Magneto living in the ruins of Genosha as being the same dude who would go to a gas station just to brag about his awesome gasless car. Or that the Joker would go from fighting Batman and Robin on a giant piano to cannibalism for the sake of his own sense of grim hilarity.

I don’t know about you, but when you read enough stories with these villains, you get an idea of what you think they are really all about. You can’t just say that they’re simply evil. That’s lazy. You have to have an idea of what makes them tick. Why are they evil assholes?

I’m not saying I’m right on these or anything like that. This is just me making sense out of fictional characters based on stories and key moments.

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