Ultimate Edit Week 4: Day One

June 27th, 2008 by | Tags: , , , , , , , ,

After three months of peace, we’re back. If you’re new to Ultimate Edit or you forgot about what the hell’s been going on in those earlier issues, here’s the rundown:

In issue 1, Venom showed up for no reason and beat up everyone until Thor remembered that he was Thor and toasted him. Then Scarlet Witch got shot dead. Quicksilver was a sad mutant panda. Also, there were rumors at the time that Nighthawk from Squadron Supreme was going to end up in the Ultimate Marvel universe, thereby making him an immediate suspect for being Black Panther, but that proved wrong, so my bad on that. Then again, that speculation came from before we saw how blatant the hints were that Black Panther is Captain America.

Then came issue 2, where Hawkeye bullied Spider-Man around and the Ultimates got in an ACTION-PACKED fight against the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants. Magneto and Quicksilver left with Scarlet Witch’s corpse and Wolverine showed up because… to hell with it. I think I’ve exhausted every Wolverine/cameo joke there is.

He stuck around for the third issue, where he talked forever about his connections to Magneto’s family. A whole lot of them went to the Savage Land and Iron Man started beating on Wasp. Turns out that Iron Man is an evil robot.

Now back to the story.

Huh. So the late-80’s was so long ago that it’s depicted as being black and white? I feel old now.

Thanks again to ManiacClown for helping make the magic.

Day Two!
Day Three!
Day Four!
Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!

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8 comments to “Ultimate Edit Week 4: Day One”

  1. four issues in and i still can’t make out any idea what is meant to be going on.

  2. What’s not to understand? Eh! Steve!’s mouth exploded the universe, and that blond guy did a tiny, tiny dance.

    Really, most everyone who’s read the damn series has no idea what’s going on either. The best way to explain it is that a bunch of random stuff is happening because robots are angry at vibrators.

  3. Lil’ Zabu is actually pretty cute. I want a sabre tooth kitten to hug. And to sick on drunks when it grows up…

  4. What? no jokes about the widdle Savage Land Babies? They make your dreams come true.

  5. If that’s his damn power, why didn’t he keep the fucking plane IN THE AIR!?

  6. He was too busy singing, that’s why.

  7. Nice Twilight Zone jokes (episode and movie). 😀

    The ONLY reason I was upset over this title being delayed is because I couldn’t read it here…and actually enjoy it. 🙂

  8. I like the Ultimates. I know a lot of folks don’t because they prefer the good old days when “heroes acted like heroes” – they tried to murder their friends every issue, and casual racism, sexism, and other forms of bigotry were unquestioned and accepted. That’s fine. That’s their thing.

    But man, as much as I dislike what Loeb’s doing with the Ultimates and how he turned Ultimate Power into a trainwreck, I just can’t bring myself to wish him on some other book. I couldn’t wish that evil on someone else.