Man, is that Monarch awesome or what?!

December 30th, 2007 by | Tags: , , , , , , ,

Hey, did you hear? Monarch is badass.

Over the past month, DC has been releasing Countdown: Arena. In it, Monarch has been planning for his war against the Monitors. Why is he at war against the Monitors?

Who cares! Didn’t you hear me? Monarch is badass!

He’s been pitting heroes from the 52 worlds together to figure out which ones are tough enough to join his army against the Monitors. Then again, he vaporizes about half of them upon introduction. Why would he do that?

I don’t know! Monarch is just badass!

Why doesn’t he just put all of them in his army, anyway?

Hell if I know, but I do know that Monarch is totally badass!

To show he’s not fucking around, he blows up the continent that one of the Nightshades lived in. How is that supposed to motivate her to be an upstanding member of his army, anyway?

Why does that matter? Monarch is badass!

Several hundred times per issue, the gathered heroes put their resources together and attempt to fight Monarch. Each and every time they fail horribly without getting an ounce of give. If Monarch is so damn above these guys, why would he need an army in the first place?

(Psst. I heard it from the grapevine that Monarch is pretty badass.)

After four rather large issues of the same couple scenes in an infinite loop, a bunch of interesting Elseworlds characters and potentially interesting hero reimaginings (this does not include Captain Atom as a pointless Hulk homage) are murdered for little reason other than shock value and we know absolutely nothing about Monarch’s motivations as a villain. Remind me, what was the point of this again?

Monarch is a badass. Really, guys.

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17 comments to “Man, is that Monarch awesome or what?!”

  1. Obviously the point of this was to show that Monarch was BADASS

    I feel kinda bad for Keith Champagne. He’s not a bad writer but he keeps getting put on basically unsalvagable projects like this and WWIII.

  2. I bet Monarch is the one killing the New Gods. Also he went back in time and killed the Old Gods. His style is impetuous and his defenses are impregnable. He punched a hole in Chuck Norris because Chuck was blocking his view. He eats magic lightning and craps atomic thunder.

  3. He’s got hair and his chest and looks good without a shirt on.

  4. So, anyone notice the complete lack of both OUR Batman and Sgt. Rock in his army?

    Monarch’s a pansy.

  5. I’m serious about the New Gods by the way. Metron knows who the killer is, but despite his constant need to talk out loud he hasn’t said a name yet. That tells me that the current suspects, Infinity Man & Orion, are flat out innocent. What Metron does say is that the killer was hanging out in the Bleed and is currently way more powerful than ever before. And since we don’t know Monarch’s plans or motivations, there’s no reason to think he wouldn’t want to build a fake Source Wall out of god souls.

    Perhaps he’ll start in on the Oans & Maltusians for a Source Floor, and he needs to kill the Monitors to get at their carpet to really tie the room together.

  6. Feh…I’m not asking for my money back. It’s a dumb kind of fun, even if Monarch is being set up to be the one being in the history of the universe to cut Chuck Norris off in traffic.

    One of my bigger nitpicks: instead of having a Frank Miller moment, shouldn’t Bruce Wayne/Green Lantern openly wonder why the hell three versions of himself are dressed in a bat fetish?

  7. Monarch is Keyzer Soze.

  8. One of the reasons for Arena is that Monarch wants to build his own Justice League, and he needs one of each specific person. I’m thinking that he’s planning to combine the Multiverses, and make a Universe under his control, with a Justice League under his control.

  9. My favorite part is when he turns all the multiverse Captains Atom into Pokeballs, then absorbs them. That was brilliant writing. Really. Also at the end where he poses with his new team who seem to be happy to help despite four issues of them not wanting to help.

  10. Why would he need his own Justice League I think is the point? Is he lonely? Does Monarch want a group of friends to play poker with when he’s not soundly defeating anything thrown at him?

    I mean I can understand that. After conquering the world, I think I’d miss having people to play D&D with and talk about Joss Whedon shows. But as an Evil Overlord I could never trust anyone. Its a quandary, that I think I solved with the idea of brains in a jar with speaker boxes. Friends who can never betray you! Brilliant!

    I do wonder what happens when Monarch and EmoManBoy Prime meet. Which unbeatable Editorial fiat will win?

  11. Now there’s a buddy comedy waiting to happen.

  12. Monarch vs. Superman Prime would be a funny fight.

    “You are making me punch you in the face! I hate you!”

    “Please. These punches do nothing but make me laugh. Only I don’t laugh because I am the Monarch.”

    “Oh yeah?! How about THIS punch!”

    “Where are you going?”


    “I’m back. I just punched reality so hard that you’re nothing now but a D-list Rocket Red villain from the 80’s.”

    “Oh shit.”

    *Monarch’s head is exploded with one of Prime’s punches*

  13. But Monarch’s got the JLAxis and Crime Society (Earth 3) already, how many JLA knockoffs does he need?

    Also, isn’t the New Gods Killer some big blue glowing ball? Which can totally read as symbolic of editorial fiat. ^_^

    “Superman, please.” This is my new catchphrase. I called it first.

  14. The glowing ball of plot device isn’t the killer per se, but it at least gave the guy doing the deed the power to do it and probably his marching orders & a hit list. My guess is it’s an Old God with motivations not entirely unlike Earth-2 Superman’s during Infinite Crisis. (“The perfect World. It was never mine.”) But then again, I just wanna know more about the Old Gods.

  15. He’s done it!

  16. You weren’t too far off in your analysis, according to Keith Champagne.


    Oh, and Monarch is awesome.

  17. By Monarch, though, I meant this guy: http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e124/haikuninja/ven3.jpg