Which Lantern Would You Choose?

May 26th, 2009 by | Tags: , ,

As part of the ongoing Green Lantern: The Masquerade theme, I’ve been looking through the various Green Lantern Corps, wondering what Corps I’d be signing up for.

Green is traditional, and I look good in the color.  But come on, willpower?  Me?  I’ve spent the last five years swearing that I’d get up early tomorrow and go jogging.  Also I’d have to put up with Guy Gardner.

Red?  I do like kitties, and they have one on staff.  But rage is tiring and vomiting lava is hard on the throat.

Yellow is a terrible color for me, and I can’t see myself instilling fear in anyone.

Forget about the Pink Corps of Star Sapphires.  Wearing that little clothing in the icy vacuum of space?  Why don’t I just pour a tray of ice cubes down my pants?

I flat-out hate the Indigo Lanterns.  Serene bastards.   You’re supposed to be compassionate!  Get off your lazy benevolent asses and get to work!

The Blue, the Lanterns of Hope, might get my vote, because hey, I’m hopeful.  Didn’t I spend the last four months hoping that they wouldn’t cancel Dollhouse?  And lo, they did not.   Behold my power!

But then there’s the Orange Corps.  Honestly, these are the ones I really want to be on.  Imagine all the cool stuff you’d get if someone gave you an magic wishing ring powered by greed.  That would rock.  And hard.

Sadly, as far as I can see, the Orange Corps is headed by Larfleeze, who looks like a bug would if it had just flown up your nose during an otherwise lovely bike ride and forced you to sneeze it out into your hand again.  And the only way you can join the Corps is to let Larfleeze kill you and steal your identity.

There’s always a catch, isn’t there?

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8 comments to “Which Lantern Would You Choose?”

  1. I’d go for Black, mmmmm tasty brains. Then just to prove I am not without irony, I would proceed to wreak black-ringed pain upon everyone responsible for the overexposure of zombies in the current media.

  2. Orange, without question. Especially since it seems their oath is to just scream “MINE!”

  3. For me it comes down to who my coworkers are and who my bosses are. So I’m pretty sure I’d go Green. Not only are they the only Corps with fellow Earthmen, a phrase I’ve wanted to say since learning English, those Earthmen are all great to hang out with. Maybe grab a few beers. Though with the Guardians acting more and more draconian, I would prefer dealing with the Guardians through the Alpha Lanterns. It’s tempting to just go with Indigo and see if she/he is Compassionate enough to understand my objections to wearing a loincloth.

    Speaking of which: while I can understand avoiding the Star Sapphires based on their outfits, it seems weird to me that it’s framed as a practicality issue as often as it is. The magic wishing ring will keep you warm, that is what it does.

  4. NEERRRRRD RAAAAAGGGEEEEE @ “icy vacuum of space”. >_<

    Conduction does not work that way, and I doubt they have to worry about radiative heat transfer with those rings.

    Personally, I’d love to be all about the love, but the internet would probably have me spitting alphabet soup all over the place instead.

  5. Fine, people. Fine. The ring might keep me warm, but it won’t keep me toned. I’m not squeezing into that outfit and you wouldn’t want to see me if I did.

  6. @Esther Inglis-Arkell: You underestimate my curiosity.

    I think the point is that all the other Corps HAVE to hate the Indigo Tribe because they don’t discriminate or take sides. They’re a benevolent M*A*S*H*, heaven-sent and hell-bound to bring strength to the wounded, whoever they be. This is probably also why they seem to have distinctively hand-crafted uniforms, use carved wooden staffs instead of rings, and speak their own secret language made up by Geoff Johns.

    I’d love to be an Indigo. They seem far more at peace than the others, even the Blues.

  7. My initial reaction would be to apply for the Pink Lantern Corps because, well, duh. Most of my coworkers would be scantily-clad, beautiful females. Of course, it would be a cruel irony (or a made-for-anime sitcom) to have a single, luckless-in-love guy flying around the universe defending others’ true love.

    More realistically, though, I’d have to go for Indigo. I’m guessing that the DC-verse is filled with people that destroy, mangle and hurt. I’d want to travel off of that beaten path.

  8. My pick is da Iron Lantern. Booya amalgam out of left field now what?