The Top 70 Deadpool Moments Day 5: Enjoy Some Madness for a While

April 30th, 2009 by | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Welp. Thirty more to go. Let’s do this!

30) Submissive Blind Al
Deadpool #15-17 (1998)
Writer: Joe Kelly

Deadpool’s relationship with Blind Al is completely weird, but it goes from being wacky on the outside to disturbing on the inside. Despite being Deadpool’s prisoner and a victim of plenty of abuse, we see the Wade/Al dynamic as little more than slapstick. It’s shown to be so cartoony that we aren’t even supposed to care that Deadpool – for whatever impaired reason – has an old woman held in his house against her will.

The seriousness doesn’t truly show itself until Deadpool’s breakdown, which as some of you can figure, is going to be popping up later on the list. The short of it is that Deadpool did some horrible stuff to Blind Al and we got a better scope of the dark history of their relationship. After a couple issues, Deadpool gets over what he’s done and tries to sweep it under the rug, much like he handles many of his mistakes, but Blind Al won’t let him.

Deadpool comes home from his latest meeting with LL&L, high off of his good guy potential, only to find that Al has cooked and cleaned. She closes the door to her room, saying nothing more than, “Good night… master.” Deadpool remembers how much of a tool he’s been.

He tries what he can to get a rise out of her and maybe get her to joke around like they used to, but all she does is act completely submissive to everything he says. She acts like his servant and refers to him as the master and herself as the prisoner. He knows he has to apologize, but like the Fonz, he just can’t bring himself to saying he was wrong.

Jayce Russel also loved this whole bit.

The entire situation with Blind Al is just full of awesome bits, but issue #17, the scene that starts with, “Will you shut up and talk back to me already?!,” and the two pages that follow of Blind Al beginning her elaborate plan to attack Deadpool with kindness kills my ass. The neatly hung Deadpool outfits, the alphabetized ammunition, the grating way she drops “master” in constantly, they’re all the slap in the face that Pool spent the whole series working his way towards. I honestly might prefer Al to DP, and this is one of those moments that explain it. The way an old blind lady gets under the skin of one of the world’s best mercenaries is well-written, amusing and, maybe most of all, kinda tugs at the heart. She obviously thinks somewhat fondly of Deadpool, or she’d not bother with trying to save him, and watching him stubbornly trudge past all hope for redemption until almost the bitter end? Now that’s a motherfucker.

When Deadpool receives Montgomery’s predictions on the future, he’s seemingly inspired to do the right thing. Al hears Deadpool hammering on a wall and finds that he’s been boarding up the Box – the room he’d use to torture Al – and that he genuinely is sorry for what he’s put her through lately. She snaps out of her ruse and embraces him, saying that this is a good start towards forgiveness. Deadpool tries to grant her freedom from this life he’s forced her into, but he’s cut off when Ajax teleports him away.

29) What Does Everybody Want?!
Marvel Zombies 4 #1 (2009)
Writer: Fred Van Lente

Reader Prodigal suggested:

I love the “Attica! Attica!” scene with Zombie Deadpool Head (“Headpool”?) in Marvel Zombies 4 #1.

I have to agree with him. I remember the feeling of disappointment with seeing Deadpool in the first Marvel Zombies miniseries. The whole line has a sense of violent ridiculousness that makes our boy fit like a glove. Back when Kirkman’s story was first going on, there was this feeling of “Another One Bites the Dust” when it came to certain characters. If someone hadn’t shown up yet, there was hope that maybe they were still alive out there and able to fight against the zombies. Much like how until the Army of Darkness crossover, everyone was curious as to what Frank Castle had been doing during all of this.

With Deadpool, he got a cameo during the Silver Surfer battle, only to never be heard from again. It felt like such a waste. That is, until Fred Van Lente was given the reins to the zombie line. Zombie Deadpool was given a role in the beginning of Marvel Zombies 3, but is really given time to shine so far in Marvel Zombies 4. Now reduced to only a head, he’s carried around Earth 616 by Simon Garth: Zombie. Simon almost never speaks, which makes their conversations completely one-sided.

Zombie Deadpool is introduced to the Black Talon, who appears in a more serious version of his outfit than normal, but is still made fun of for using pieces of chickens for his costume. Simon explains to Black Talon what Zombie Deadpool is and is told to throw him in the pen. Zombie Deadpool takes offense to this and has Simon throw him into a guard.

Currently, Black Talon is negotiating a deal with the Hood to use Zombie Deadpool as a weapon of mass destruction against superheroes.

28) Deadpool: Hero for Hire
Heroes for Hire #10 (1998)
Writer: John Ostrander

The Heroes for Hire are on their way to take on Silver Sable and the Wild Pack. LL&L has been nice enough to loan out Deadpool for their adventure. Let’s see how Deadpool takes to his teammates.

“I know you’re a bad mutha, Fisty, but I just can’t get past the ballet slippers! Bwa-ha-ha!”

That’s right, Deadpool was making jokes about Iron Fist’s footwear long before it was the in thing to do.

They try to take off without him, but he’s still able to jump on at the last second. Cage is annoyed, mentioning that Deadpool being hired is punishment for something Iron Fist did.

As for the actual adventure, Deadpool doesn’t do all that much. The whole thing seems to be an excuse to have him fight Madcap. With Deadpool’s healing factor and Madcap’s inability to feel pain, it’s a natural rivalry.

Huh. According to Wiki, that’s the last time Madcap’s shown up anywhere.

27) Deadpool Goes to Wongburger
Deadpool #57 (2001)
Writer: Frank Tieri

Weapon X is making a comeback and they want Deadpool back in the fold. They send Sabretooth to kidnap him so they can show him what they have to offer. Considering Weapon X turned him into a freak the first time around, Deadpool wants nothing to do with them. Sabretooth pins him down so they can inject him with some sort of serum.

To show Deadpool why he should join up, they take an axe to his arm and lop it off completely. Within seconds, bones and tissue already begin to give form to a new arm. By the time he’s finished his surprised exclamation, his regenerated arm is fully formed and notably more muscular. At first, Deadpool is more interested in how his arm’s skin isn’t all gross, which causes him to unmask and look into a mirror to see that his face looks completely normal and not in any way disfigured. He’s told that it will only last him for one hour due to the serum, but enough treatment could make it permanent.

He’s stopped before he can do so, but… damn. Any instance where a man wants to enthusiastically cut off his dick for personal gain deserves at least some recognition. And you thought he was crazy for wanting to start a fight with Wolverine!

26) Looking Marvelous
Cable/Deadpool #9 (2005)
Writer: Fabian Nicieza

As the X-Men are on their way to strike against Cable, Wolverine wonders where Deadpool is. Beast explains that Deadpool will only help if he gets to wear an X-Men uniform, leading to Beast describing how Deadpool’s crazy cellular structure causes his mind to change on a constant basis, but then says that it doesn’t excuse Deadpool’s behavior in this instance. You see, Deadpool has a very specific X-Men costume he wants to try on. Rachel Summers wonders why Beast is staring at her until it’s too late.

Just be glad I didn’t give you the close-up of his panty-wearing buttcheeks.

“He’ll change his mind, right, Hank?”

“Give it six seconds, Scott.”

“That’s an eternity right now.”

Fun fact: the original intention was going to be that Deadpool would wear this costume for the remainder of the arc. Artist Patrick Zircher certainly did not want to have to draw any more of that than he absolutely had to and it was deemed only funny enough in a short page-long sequence.

25) Shattering X-Force’s Star
X-Force #11 (1992)
Writer: Fabian Nicieza

Here we go with the earliest Deadpool appearance to make it on the list! Give ‘em hell, Elijah!

Here’s a quickie suggestion, something slightly less on the comedy side. X-Force #11, Deadpool breaks into X-Force’s headquarters and is watching Shatterstar train. “Hey, this kid’s pretty good. I’ve been watching him for 45 minutes and he’s barely broken a sweat. Of course, by now I’ve spotted about 12 different weaknesses…” Wade then jumps out into the training room and proceeds to unequivocally beat the crap out of the team’s warrior character.

A small moment, but I always remember it rather fondly, as up until then I hadn’t paid too much attention to Deadpool (it was only like his third appearance) and I had liked Shatterstar (I was 9. Sue me.)

“You honor me in a way, Deadpool – I have not had the opportunity to fight an equal in solo combat since I came to this world! Fekt, but you’re fast!”

“Oh yeah, pretty boy… In regards t’that ‘opportunity’ you’re so happy about…”

Then he runs off to go find Copycat. “No reason to kill today what I can beat up tomorrow.”

24) Deadpool vs. Black Swan
Deadpool #69 (2002)
Writer: Gail Simone

In the final moments of his solo series, Deadpool goes to a castle in Germany to face the Black Swan one-on-one. Deadpool had taken the credit for a high-profile kill that Black Swan was behind and in revenge, Black Swan had given Deadpool a mind virus that was eating apart at his cognitive skills. Deadpool forces him into a fight by bringing a suitcase bomb that only he knows the off-codes for.

Black Swan has the advantage at first. He’s able to mess with Deadpool’s mind and he’s a superior swordsman. He warns him that if he can kill Deadpool and escape in time, he’s going to take it out on all his friends. Deadpool presses on and finds that the closer they get to detonation, the more he can feel that Black Swan is utterly paralyzed by his fear of dying. His powers over Deadpool’s mind are slipping and even when he’s able to chop off Deadpool’s arm, Deadpool no-sells it and instead uses his usable hand to play the harmonica.

Deadpool grabs Swan and force-feeds him the inner workings of his mind, thereby traumatizing the German villain. Deadpool bitches him out and tosses him into the fireplace, now having won what could be his final battle.

Deadpool laughs hard as the castle explodes. It all goes black, showing only a word bubble saying, “NOW THAT’S FUNNY!”

What’s that, BodyMassageMachine? You have something to say to the class?

Not only do I think this is a great cliffhanger ending that ultimately leads to the great Agent X series, but it’s the perfect capstone to this whole series, obvious through the use of flashback in that one page but also because it’s DP finally legitimately playing the hero just like he’s always wanted to, even though it, quite literally, blows up in his face.

That’s an interesting way to put it, since it works with another induction from this same issue, which I’ll touch on later.

23) He Loves You, Baby!
Deadpool (v.2) #2 (2008)
Writer: Daniel Way

In the words of Michelle P.

From the more recent Daniel Way run, issue #2. Deadpool trains his Super Skrulls; specifically, the knock-knock joke. The panel of all the Skrulls blowing each other’s heads off while laughing maniacally was my favorite part of Secret Invasion.

During the big Skrull invasion, Deadpool takes apart a Skrull army before turning himself in and asking to be on their team. They make Skrulls with Deadpool’s healing factor and dress them up in his tights, but he doesn’t think that’s enough. If they’re going to be effective, they need more than just his powers: they need his training. Deadpool trains his alien students by forcing them to fight an army of Super Skrulls based on different heroes. His students come out the winners, even while being outnumbered 5-to-1.

Deadpool then shows the key to success is madness and works to drive his students mad like he is. The highlight has him take one of the Skrulls and coax him into taking part in a knock-knock joke. When the Skrull asks, “Who’s there?” Deadpool blows his head off.

The Skrull Deadpools become just as erratic as he, but we soon discover that this is all a trick by Deadpool. He’s really stealing prime Skrull information to send to Nick Fury. When faced with his students, there is no actual fight. He reveals that because the Skrulls don’t have cancer, the healing factor grows out of control and blows each of them up.

I think it’s a shame. They should have kept the Skrullpools around. Hear me out on this!

Imagine if there were four of them left and instead of staying with the Skrulls, they just hang out on Earth. Whenever Deadpool has a huge job that involves a team joining him, he’d go visit some dirty apartment in the middle of Cleveland and find said Skrulls wearing their tights while hanging out. One is playing Xbox, two are playing quarters and one is reading Cosmopolitan. Deadpool whistles and recruits them for his latest mission and fun is to be had.

Well, I think it has legs.

22) Crybaby
Deadpool #23 (1998)
Writer: Joe Kelly

Since the first issue, LL&L has been on Deadpool about how he is capable of being a great hero. At first he disregarded it. Then he embraced it. Then he lost faith in himself. Then he regained that faith and embraced the idea of being a hero again. Then he found out that they were messing with him and that by being a “hero”, they just want him to kill a guy. Then he got depressed until yet again embracing that, yes, it’s his destiny to be a hero.

His job is to slay Tiamat, the alien creature out to stop the Messiah from reaching Earth. After all this lead-up, it’s time for Deadpool to show what he’s made of and save the world!

…It doesn’t go so well. Tiamat beats the utter crap out of him and Deadpool barely teleports away with his life. It’s a complete disaster. Usually, when a hero hits his ordeal like this, they’d feel bummed about it. They’d feel depressed and maybe a bit angry.

The thing about Deadpool is that he is an immature man. It shows with his joking at inopportune times, his ways of ignoring the seriousness of things and his unfortunate temper. As you can see, there’s more to immaturity:

Damn, he still has Tiamat’s spear lodged in his leg.

The image of Wade Wilson unmasked, crying and huddled up in fetal position on Blind Al’s lap as she acts like a motherly figure is just so heartbreaking! And even with all the stuff he’s done to her, the fact that Blind Al is there to comfort him is just such an emotional touch.

21) Friends at the End
Cable/Deadpool #50 (2008)
Writer: Fabian Nicieza

It made sense for Cable/Deadpool to be cancelled when it was. Even if the sales weren’t atrocious (and they were), it stopped being about the duo. Cable had been “killed off” and even when he came back, it was because he was stealing the baby Hope and traveling into the future. The series had become nothing but a Deadpool solo and if you’re going to do that, why keep Cable’s name in the title?

The final issue ties in with the Mighty Avengers storyline about a symbiote outbreak in New York. Deadpool’s own mistake makes things more interesting by including a heap of dinosaurs from the Savage Land. Now we have symbiote dinosaurs on the loose.

Deadpool saves the day alongside the two different Avengers teams and for a second gives my inner-fanboy some love by showing us Deadpool with a symbiote. The other heroes seem more inclined to respect him, and even Thing invites him to poker night.

When Friday comes around, Deadpool decides against it. He hangs out at his apartment in a series of shots that act as a callback to the series’ opening moments. Part of that callback has him come to terms with how Hollywood doesn’t appreciate Bea Arthur the same way he does. Weasel appears with some beer, soon followed by Irene, Bob, Alex, Sandi and Outlaw. Deadpool is oblivious to how the media blames him for the dino-symbiote rampages and is instead more focused on welcoming his friends.

Heh. And another Bea Arthur reference to close it out.

Hm. With all those supporting characters around, I might as well do my list of TOP FIVE DEADPOOL SUPPORTING CHARACTERS! I think to make things fair, I’ll only use those who never starred in their own comics. That means you’re out of here, Alex Hayden.

5) Kid Deadpool

I already talked about the kid enough, haven’t I? Do I really need to add an explanation? Eh, whatever. I thought Kid Deadpool was the highlight of the post-Kelly/pre-Simone era and would still like to see him brought back as an expert marksman and explosions expert. I mean, Marvel has two teen superhero teams out there. Have Deadpool crossover with one and there’s your reasoning for bringing Chris back into the fold.

4) Outlaw

Outlaw got enough use in the post-House of M world in the X-Men corner of the universe, but I think she was underused in Cable/Deadpool. Her nickname is “Crazy Inez”, and from most of her scenes with Deadpool in different comics, she deserves that moniker. Not only does she flirt with Deadpool on a regular basis, but she willingly joined a game of strip poker with him. That’s a lose/lose situation to most people. Then there’s the disturbing part where she actually considered a three-way with Sandi and a miniature Deadpool. I don’t think they’ve scraped the surface of her potential.

Plus, unlike Sandi, she isn’t exactly worthless in a fight. You’d think someone with super strength and expert gun skills would do more than play damsel in distress.

3) Montgomery

Now Monty, on the other hand, I wouldn’t mind not seeing again. I loved his dynamic with Deadpool and his entire story arc, but I also want it to remain over. The guy is no longer a prisoner and he’s run off (well, maybe not run) with the girl of his dreams. To bring him back would be to take that away.

2) Bob, Agent of Hydra

The dumpy blogger of Hydra is just so much fun and I’m glad he’s still there to hinder Deadpool in Way’s run. He’s like a more enjoyable version of Weasel. He plays second banana and mostly straight man, but he’s a bit more ridiculous. You know what he reminds me of? Ever play a videogame and you have that computer-controlled guy on your team following you around, but he’s always too busy getting killed or using up all your power-ups or getting stuck behind walls? Yeah. Deadpool is “Player 1” and Bob is the guy with “CPU” floating above his head.

1) Blind Alfred

It’s so brilliant, isn’t it? Deadpool needs a wise, motherly figure standing over him and giving him sage advice. So how do you do that? Have him keep a bitter, old, blind lady in his house against her will just for that. It’s absurd and leads to some interesting storytelling when you delve deeper.

They never did get around to explaining the true reason why Blind Al wanted to stay Wade’s prisoner. Apparently, the original idea was that Blind Al was somehow behind Deadpool getting cancer in the first place and feels guilty because of it. I also heard that she was going to turn out to be a Skrull, but that got nixed. Hey, as long as she’s still alive in the writers’ minds. I’m ready for her eventual comeback.

Day Six!

  • I Know My Word Doesn’t Mean Much…
  • The Top 70 Deadpool Moments Day 2: So You Said That Only Proves That I’m Insane
  • First there was “Marvel Zombies…”
  • The Hood and the Secret Invasion
  • The Top 70 Deadpool Moments Day 1: Stranded in the Combat Zone
  • Post to Twitter Post to Facebook Post to Reddit Post to StumbleUpon

    12 comments to “The Top 70 Deadpool Moments Day 5: Enjoy Some Madness for a While”

    1. Just a small point of order, I think you meant “mano a mano” instead of “mono y mono.” The former is Spanish for “hand to hand” combat. The latter is Deadpool and Black Swan cuddling up by the fireplace and smooching and, uh-oh, the healing factor may keep back the cancer but as for other diseases…

    2. Damn it, I thought “mono y mono” meant “one on one”. To hell with it, I’ll edit it into English.

    3. “Melissa”? Now you’re just messing with me.

      Anyway, Blind Al is probably my favourite supporting character in anything ever. She’s a great take on the usual “wise old mentor/parental stand-in” figure in comics. Her introduction has her terrifying a small child to steal her cookies.

      Man, Weasel doesn’t even make the top 5 list? He’s had some great scenes, like getting drunk with Foggy Nelson while Deadpool and Daredevil are out and about.

    4. Shit, sorry about that.

      I think this goes to show how writing 8-10 pages a day in Word has been taking its toll on me.

      As for Weasel, I don’t have any problem with him and I’d rather him be around than have Deadpool go completely solo, but he’s never seemed all that exceptional to me.

    5. Cable and Deadpool’s sales weren’t really all that atrocious. They were actually pretty steady for a book that had B-list characters, B-list talent, was fifty issues into its run, and had been fucked about with by editorial meddling.

      02/07 Cable & Deadpool #37 – 26,588 ( -0.8%)
      03/07 Cable & Deadpool #38 – 26,258 ( -1.2%)
      04/07 Cable & Deadpool #39 – 26,110 ( -0.6%)
      05/07 Cable & Deadpool #40 – 26,120 ( +0.0%)
      06/07 Cable & Deadpool #41 – 27,431 ( +5.0%)
      06/07 Cable & Deadpool #42 – 27,203 ( -0.8%)
      07/07 Cable & Deadpool #43 – 26,341 ( -3.2%)
      08/07 Cable & Deadpool #44 – 25,944 ( -1.5%)
      09/07 Cable & Deadpool #45 – 26,009 ( +0.3%)
      10/07 Cable & Deadpool #46 – 32,108 (+23.4%)
      11/07 Cable & Deadpool #47 – 24,388 (-24.0%)
      12/07 Cable & Deadpool #48 – 23,884 ( -2.1%)
      01/08 Cable & Deadpool #49 – 23,422 (-19.4%)
      02/08 Cable & Deadpool #50 – 23,927 ( +2.2%)

      Books like Immortal Iron Fist, Captain Britain and MI13, and Skaar would kill for numbers that steady.

    6. @Gavok: It’s no big deal. 🙂

      I see your point re: Weasel. When stacked up against characters like Kid Deadpool and Monty, he doesn’t really stand out. And you included Outlaw and I love Outlaw. She’s one of the few women in comics who has flat out admitted to getting implants.

    7. @Michelle: And I forgot all about Deuce The Devil Dog, while Weasel won in a bet, and he wound up getting dumped on Alfred.

      Blind Alfred was great, especially since she came off as May Parker’s evil twin. And I also like the idea that she and Captain America were an item during WWII.

    8. Wooo, namedrop!

      Also, no Ratbag in the supporting characters countdown? For shame…

    9. @Munch: That’s interesting. I guess I should have done the research, but with the comic making fun of its own lack of fanbase and seeing Marvel guys at con panels going, “Oh yeah, we canceled it because of low sales,” you have to sometimes make assumptions.

    10. @Jason: I forgot about the dog! Yeah, like I needed more reasons to love the hell out of Al. What I love even more is how #22 of this countdown is foreshadowed by Al talking about how she used to hold Steve whenever he felt frightened.

    11. I think I read somewhere that it was revealed that Al had been part of the secret service at some point, and that Deadpool had saved her life but I have to admit that I don’t remember where I read it.

      Al is a pretty solid character. I like that she adds to the “warped Spider-Man” aspect of Deadpool.
      He looks kinda like Spider-Man, they’re both known for their sense of humour, but Deadpool’s frequently goes below the belt and is out of line, and they’ve both got these elderly, frail women as mother figures. But while Peter loves May unconditionally, and she’s a very sweet person, Al is Deadpool’s much-abused prisoner, and she has an understandably acebric and bitter personality.

    12. the first thing I said when I saw “looking marvelous” was this: