It took about nine months, but the comic miniseries Ultimatum had finally finished, meaning that the 4th Letter fan-favorite Ultimatum Edit is kaput as well. As always, ManiacClown and I had a blast and we hope you enjoyed it as well.

Thing is, we make a lot of references to random things that I’m sure fly over the heads of many. To help in retrospect, here’s a little page-by-page guide to what was going on in our heads.

WEEK ONE

Page 1

– The narration box is quoting the horrible Fantastic Four cartoon theme from the mid-90’s.

– The events Reed and Sue discuss are based on the Ultimate Fantastic Four/X-Men Annual two-parter that acted as a prelude to Ultimatum. It involves a bunch of superheroes from the future coming to the present in an attempt to change their reality, as their status quo has Invisible Woman ruling the world alongside Namor with an iron fist. In one scene, the regular Sue got in Wolverine’s face by unsheathing claws just like his, but made of her invisible force fields. She didn’t slice him or anything. She just whipped them out to threaten him. THEY ARE INVISIBLE!

– Thing is bringing up how that robot looks an awful lot like the scanner droids from the beginning of Empire Strikes Back.

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Here it is. Part 35. The final chapter.

Previously, Magneto threw a big hissy fit and killed a bunch of the world. Then the heroes took their sweet-ass time to get to Avalon to stop him. Only they sent a bunch of metal-using heroes to go after Magneto with no strategy of what to do against him other than “let Wolverine do it”. Thanks to Nick Fury showing him THE TRUTH, Magneto gave up and Cyclops blew his head off in response. Then Cyclops’ head blew up. Then Dr. Doom’s head blew up.

But who did kill Cyclops? Was it some angry mutant-hating sniper? Or was it something else?

Special thanks to David Uzumeri for inadvertently giving me the inspiration for the last couple pages. And of course, thanks to ManiacClown for his help throughout and for being a good sport.

If you’re up for it, give us a visit tomorrow to see the Ultimatum Edit Annotations.

The Annotations!

We’re almost done. Last time we checked in, the Ultimates and X-Men escaped the exploding Avalon and then Cyclops got shot in the head at a rally. Surely that would be enough, but I think Loeb can squeeze in maybe ONE more death before he calls it in.

Hey, remember that Ultimate Fantastic Four arc when Dr. Doom fought and somehow survived against the Cosmic Marvel Zombies Corps after they had just eaten Galactus and inherited his power? The same story that flat out told us that in terms of power, Doom > Thor > Human Torch > Thing? Who knew that all Thing had to do is just walk up to Doom and do that?

Tomorrow is the big finale. See you then.

Day Seven!

Yesterday, Jean Grey forced Magneto to see Nick Fury’s memories, which caused Magneto to repent all of his wrongdoing. Then Cyclops acted like a total hero by exploding the head of an old man who was no longer a threat. Good going, guy.

In the actual comic, Fury really showed Magneto how mutants were man-made in a laboratory, as part of Ultimate Origins. I’m still not totally sure why this caused Magneto to change his ways completely. Magneto’s war stopped being humans vs. mutants a while ago, what with him not only killing mutants by the score, but the fact that he was killing his own underlings for the hell of it. And yet this little snippet of information puts him into, “What have I done?!” mode.

Let us move forward.

I blame ManiacClown for that Burma Shave gag and the Wonder Pets thing. Give the guy a break on the latter one. He’s a father. It’s his business to watch that show.

We’ll continue with the X-Men insanity tomorrow, plus a little trip to Latveria.

Day Six!
Day Seven!

Previously, Colossus and the Hulk smashed the hell out of stuff because blowing up pieces of Avalon is really important. How come? I guess they want to make sure that they destroy Magneto regardless, but I’m sure there’s some cool stuff the world could use from a big, floating island. It seems so pointless, you know?

Then Nick Fury showed up alongside Reed, Doom and Zarda. His ace-in-the-hole (or at least the one for this version of the story) is that it doesn’t matter that he has a metal gun on him. The way Magneto’s been fighting, it’s like he only strikes in the name of his own delayed defense. Valkyrie cuts his arm off and THEN he uses his magnetic powers on her sword. Captain America beats him around and THEN he uses his magnetic powers on his shield and the surrounding environment. Wolverine mauls him for a minute and THEN he uses his magnetic powers to tear his skeleton apart. Even this whole scheme is based on following up, “They started it!” I’m just trying to make sense out of what they’re giving me here.

Anyway…

Yeah, that’s about it for Magneto. Come back tomorrow, as ManiacClown and I start on the long stretch of epilogue. We still have two overly-violent deaths to go!

Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!

Last time on Ultimatum Edit, Wolverine stabbed Magneto so Magneto killed Wolverine so Wolverine stabbed Magneto so Magneto killed Wolverine. It was a pretty full day, to tell the truth. But what are the strong guys up to?

ManiacClown wanted to make a bunch of Warhammer 4000 jokes involving Mystique’s gun and Colossus looking like one of those soldier guys, but come on. This project can only be made up of references I get. To hell with him.

We’ll continue with Fury tomorrow. See you then.

Day Four!
Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!

And we’re back.

Yesterday, Wolverine jumped at Magneto and started clawing at him while defending Canadian health care. That’s about it, sorry to say. Let’s keep it going.

ManiacClown and I will be back tomorrow to watch the tag team match of Hulk and Colossus vs. Sabretooth and Mystique. Wait. Is that actually supposed to be a challenge?

Day Three!
Day Four!
Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!

Here we are in the latter half of 2009. Finally, the five issue series they were hyping in 2007 — when they first started soliciting Ultimate Power #8 — is coming to a close. Through Ultimatum, we see the Ultimate line giving birth to the Ultimate Comics line, only it’s the kind of childbirth that horrifically kills the mother and gives us a baby caked in blood.

But where were we? Magneto attacked the entire world and now the surviving heroes are out to stop him. With one arm left, he stands defiantly before those who would slay him.

Thanks to ManiacClown for coming up with whatever it is Wolverine is ranting about. We’ll be back tomorrow to see Magneto’s rebuttal.

Day Two!
Day Three!
Day Four!
Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!

Yesterday’s installment of Ultimatum Edit brought our remaining heroes to Magneto’s lair. Magneto showed that he has balls of steel (which he can manipulate) by not blowing their planes out of the sky. Then Angel died gratuitous Loeb death #529 and Sabretooth got shot in the eye, which is as much of an inconvenience as Superman’s cellophane S was to Non.

Let’s take it home.

And there we go. Funny how Cap and Valkyrie are more of a threat to Magneto than Thor after all. ManiacClown insisted I didn’t make any jokes about how it looks like Valkyrie has the runs during that silhouette panel where Magneto cuts her, so good on him.

And if you’re rightfully wondering about that sound effect that I inserted into that scene, well, I couldn’t help myself. You see, it’s a ridiculous piece from a ridiculous sequence in a ridiculous comic that I will be reviewing in the coming days. Want a peek? Knock yourself out. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Phew. Only one more issue of this left.

Week 5!

It was only yesterday when Nick Fury got Dr. Doom to explain his behind-the-scenes role in Ultimates 3 and how it led to what’s going on in Ultimatum. Then Wolverine and Kitty Pryde hung out because there’s nothing important going on anywhere at the moment.

Let’s finish with that scene, then take a trip to Magneto’s place for punch and pie.

In case you’re wondering what the hell Magneto and Sabretooth are talking about, here, knock yourself out. The very fact that this song exists boggles my mind to this day.

And you see that final Hawkeye panel? In the original, he says, “That’s gonna leave a mark.” NO IT WON’T. THAT IS SABRETOOTH.

Tomorrow, ManiacClown and I will close out yet another week. It leads to a legitimately badass final page, other than how Storm looks like some kind of alien cripple doing an interpretive dance. You’ll know it when you see it.

Day Seven!