Here we are in the latter half of 2009. Finally, the five issue series they were hyping in 2007 — when they first started soliciting Ultimate Power #8 — is coming to a close. Through Ultimatum, we see the Ultimate line giving birth to the Ultimate Comics line, only it’s the kind of childbirth that horrifically kills the mother and gives us a baby caked in blood.

But where were we? Magneto attacked the entire world and now the surviving heroes are out to stop him. With one arm left, he stands defiantly before those who would slay him.

Thanks to ManiacClown for coming up with whatever it is Wolverine is ranting about. We’ll be back tomorrow to see Magneto’s rebuttal.

Day Two!
Day Three!
Day Four!
Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!

Yesterday’s installment of Ultimatum Edit brought our remaining heroes to Magneto’s lair. Magneto showed that he has balls of steel (which he can manipulate) by not blowing their planes out of the sky. Then Angel died gratuitous Loeb death #529 and Sabretooth got shot in the eye, which is as much of an inconvenience as Superman’s cellophane S was to Non.

Let’s take it home.

And there we go. Funny how Cap and Valkyrie are more of a threat to Magneto than Thor after all. ManiacClown insisted I didn’t make any jokes about how it looks like Valkyrie has the runs during that silhouette panel where Magneto cuts her, so good on him.

And if you’re rightfully wondering about that sound effect that I inserted into that scene, well, I couldn’t help myself. You see, it’s a ridiculous piece from a ridiculous sequence in a ridiculous comic that I will be reviewing in the coming days. Want a peek? Knock yourself out. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Phew. Only one more issue of this left.

Week 5!

Another fun-filled week comes to a close. Last time, Hank Pym blew himself up to save the SHIELD folks. None of this would have happened if they remembered Ultimate Captain Marvel exists. There’s a joke in there about Pym committing suicide because he saw that his Janet-less self leads to Dan Slott’s Mighty Avengers, but I… oh, wait. I just made the joke. Carry on.

Let’s finish this off with the Ultimates.

Wow, that’s not a very impressive line-up for the Ultimates. Two of them just died, one of them is dying and the other one wants to die.

Hope you enjoyed this week’s run. ManiacClown and I had a blast. I’m going to be gone for the next few days thanks to the CHIKARA King of Trios tournament in Philly, but I’ll be back with more of that Venom garbage people seem to enjoy. In the meantime, enjoy the usual set of words from hermanos and Esther.

Week 4!

Yesterday’s installment featured Thor and Captain America talking about financing or whatever, followed by Iron Man and Ms. Less-Than-Marvel taking on Multiple Man. Then an arrow shot out. Who could it possibly be?!

In Ultimate X-Men #100, they killed off Ultimate Madrox, so in one fell swoop we get rid of the Matrix and Rocky Horror jokes. Due to the latter, ManiacClown is currently inconsolable.

Join us tomorrow as we close out yet another week.

Day Seven!

And we return. As you may recall, the last installment had the X-Men being dysfunctional as always. Then we saw Thor and Captain America fight side-by-side against the Army of Darkness in order to save the life of Valkyrie.

In terms of cutting room floor jokes, ManiacClown wanted to have Danvers complain that she can accept being killed by Magneto or Doom, but not a C-lister like Multiple Man. Then after a series of shots, “BLAM! D-lister. BLAM! E-lister. BLAM!”

Tomorrow we have… Okay, let me break it down for you. The first issue had a variant cover of Dazzler. The second one had a variant cover of Xavier. We saw what happened with those two. This issue’s variant has Yellowjacket. You know you want to read tomorrow’s update.

Day Six!
Day Seven!

Back for round three.

Yesterday we had Magneto strangle Mystique and then throw a rogue Madrox dupe out the window, where he promptly exploded. I hope they weren’t really in space or else he’d have just doomed them all. What an anti-climax that would be. Even still, by tossing Madrox out the window, Magneto’s letting all the heat out.

Now it’s time for some Yellowjacket and Hawkeye action. It’s best to remember exactly what gruesome sight they’re following up on.

ManiacClown wanted me to fit in a Bad Taste reference in regards to the first page, but only after the fact did he realize he meant Dead Alive. That scamp.

Isn’t it kind of convenient that Pym keeps his special technology to save Janet’s life in the Triskelion rather than the now-destroyed building where his lab was and he was under house arrest in?

Tomorrow we get more X-Men drama. Whee.

Day Four!
Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!

Greetings. Yesterday, we saw Reed Richards (the man with no brain), Dr. Doom (the tin man with no heart) and Zarda (the woman with no characterization) banding together to go find the eye-patch Wizard. Then we saw Thor fly around, looking for Valkyrie. Does he find her? We’ll find out in just a moment.

Hope you’re not too burned out by the holidays.

Those are some tiny, tiny panties.

ManiacClown is like the Babel Fish of Thor-speak, so God bless him. He’s also informed me that Hela isn’t connected to Valhalla at all.

We’ll be back tomorrow with the first Ultimatum Edit of the New Year. And there’s no better way to celebrate than with a page so awful that it dwarfs both that above Hela page AND that one Ultimates 3 Hank Pym page in pure badness.

Day Six!
Day Seven!

Previously, Hawkeye and Yellowjacket moved past their differences and saw common ground… I guess. Then Thing tried to comfort Sue, only to have her use her powers on him in her sleep.

Let’s continue with the Fantastic Four theme by checking in with Reed and Namor.

We’re not even really exaggerating on Reed’s behavior on those first two pages. The guy is really that dense within this story.

Thanks again to ManiacClown. I’m too tired to have anything witty to go with that.

Thor’s hilarious adventures continue tomorrow.

Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!

After a little recap, yesterday saw Iron Man try to save Captain America’s life in the way you save a man on fire by stomping on them. Then we had Carol Danvers’ gigantic guns.

With the disaster still fresh, we now join Yellowjacket and Hawkeye, followed soon after with Thing and Invisible Woman.

Hey, by the way, if you’re reposting these images on another site, please be nice enough to at least post a link to us. That includes you, Banhammer.

ManiacClown insisted that Giant Man use the line “Olly, Olly, X-Men free!” but that’s so corny that even I feel like punching my monitor.

I’m also disappointed that at no point during the Thing segment did I have a chance to fit the line, “Oh, Aunt Petunia. Oh, forgive me. Forgive me, forgive me, forgive me…”

Join us tomorrow as Zarda appears and reminds me of how horrendous Squadron Supreme has become in the last couple years. Have any of you been reading that junk?

Day Four!
Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!

Yesterday’s venture showed us Spider-Man and Hulk creating a bond of pure friendship.

Speaking of friendship, let’s give a look at what’s going on with Iron Man and Captain America.

While thanking co-writer ManiacClown goes without saying, a special thanks to Syrg and Gorilla Salad for their assistance.

Join us tomorrow to see Yellowjacket and Hawkeye play everyone’s favorite game: Where In the World Is Janet Van Dyne?

Day Three!
Day Four!
Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!