Yesterday had Kitty Pryde find the torn mask of Spider-Man and then Dr. Strange and Dormammu started doing one of their magic fighting skits. And Dormammu’s in the middle of a song. Don’t forget about that.

“THEY CALL HULK THE STREAK! HULK STRONGEST ONE THERE IS ON TWO FEET!”

You know what’s even stupider about this? We’re not going to get to the climactic battle with Dormammu. Chances are, that’s going to be left for Ultimate Fantastic Four: Requiem and left out of the main book.

Hulk’s rampage will continue next time. Come on back tomorrow. ManiacClown and I will be waiting for you.

Day Four!
Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!

I’m sure you remember yesterday… or maybe not. I mean, nothing really happened due to it being just a cover, a recap and a page of Hulk breaking stuff. At least here we’ll get somewhere.

Blame ManiacClown for the Yo Gabba Gabba thing. The dude’s a dad, so I guess that’s his excuse. Still, he showed me clips from that show of Biz Markie talking to children while being stoned out of his mind, so I can’t hate on it.

If you want some actual context on how we got from point A to point B, in the pages of Ultimate Spider-Man, Spider-Man and Hulk stumbled upon Strange’s house, where demons and stuff were being released due to the place’s structural damage. Strange was taken over by Nightmare, who attacked the heroes, only for Hulk to pound on Nightmare until that big explosion happened. I explain this because Ultimate Spider-Man is the only comic that makes the Ultimatum situation not suck.

We’ll be back tomorrow for more from Strange and the Great Pumpkin.

Day Three!
Day Four!
Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!

Hey, buddy! Welcome to another week of Ultimatum Edit! It’s been a while, so I’m sure you’re a little fuzzy on what’s been going on. Let me recap for you.

Issue 1: Nightcrawler died, Dazzler died, Beast died.

Issue 2: Wasp died, Xavier died.

Issue 3: Thor died, Yellowjacked died, Cannonball died, Emma Frost died, Polaris died, Sunspot died, Blob died, Detonator (who?) died, Forge died, Longshot died.

And other characters died in other comics. That’s what’s important. Who cares about telling a story? It’s all about being SHOCKING! Whoa, did you see how bloody that one scene was? Who’s going to go next?! Whoo! Hope died a little too, by the way.

ManiacClown and I will be back tomorrow to deal with Dr. Strange. Oh, and Kitty Pryde gets a page too.

Day Two!
Day Three!
Day Four!
Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!

We’re almost done with yet another week of this awful Morrison mind-scramble crap. God, what a hack. Between this and his Seven Soldiers run, I don’t even get why the man gets any work. Did you even read his New X-Men run a few years back? The guy who followed him was SOOOO much better.

But enough about that. Yesterday’s update saw some incomprehensible garbage involving Rubik’s Cubes and Metron as a tard. I don’t know, Final Crisis sucks. Let’s move forward!

As always, thanks to david “hermanos” brothers for helping me with this. He wanted me to remind you that a new Seaguy miniseries comes out today. Make sure to stay far away from that tripe. The last one was bad enough. Fucking Morrison.

We’re almost done with this week. Tomorrow, we get Darkseid at a rave and a guy with a bunch of bubble monitor things wrapped around his head. You can see a preview here.

Another fun-filled week comes to a close. Last time, Hank Pym blew himself up to save the SHIELD folks. None of this would have happened if they remembered Ultimate Captain Marvel exists. There’s a joke in there about Pym committing suicide because he saw that his Janet-less self leads to Dan Slott’s Mighty Avengers, but I… oh, wait. I just made the joke. Carry on.

Let’s finish this off with the Ultimates.

Wow, that’s not a very impressive line-up for the Ultimates. Two of them just died, one of them is dying and the other one wants to die.

Hope you enjoyed this week’s run. ManiacClown and I had a blast. I’m going to be gone for the next few days thanks to the CHIKARA King of Trios tournament in Philly, but I’ll be back with more of that Venom garbage people seem to enjoy. In the meantime, enjoy the usual set of words from hermanos and Esther.

Week 4!

Yesterday’s installment featured Thor and Captain America talking about financing or whatever, followed by Iron Man and Ms. Less-Than-Marvel taking on Multiple Man. Then an arrow shot out. Who could it possibly be?!

In Ultimate X-Men #100, they killed off Ultimate Madrox, so in one fell swoop we get rid of the Matrix and Rocky Horror jokes. Due to the latter, ManiacClown is currently inconsolable.

Join us tomorrow as we close out yet another week.

Day Seven!

And we return. As you may recall, the last installment had the X-Men being dysfunctional as always. Then we saw Thor and Captain America fight side-by-side against the Army of Darkness in order to save the life of Valkyrie.

In terms of cutting room floor jokes, ManiacClown wanted to have Danvers complain that she can accept being killed by Magneto or Doom, but not a C-lister like Multiple Man. Then after a series of shots, “BLAM! D-lister. BLAM! E-lister. BLAM!”

Tomorrow we have… Okay, let me break it down for you. The first issue had a variant cover of Dazzler. The second one had a variant cover of Xavier. We saw what happened with those two. This issue’s variant has Yellowjacket. You know you want to read tomorrow’s update.

Day Six!
Day Seven!

As we last left our Ultimate heroes, Yellowjacket bit off the Blob’s head out of revenge and Wolverine found Nightcrawler lying amongst the poo-gas. Now we continue with the X-Men and see what Thor and Captain America are up to.

Those X-Men sure don’t give a shit about the millions of other people who died. Muties are so elitist. Yeah, I said it.

Thanks to ManiacClown for the usual assistance. I really only mention his name and bold it out out of habit these days. Maniac Clown, dudes.

Tomorrow we’ll get more Thor fun as well as Multiple Man.

Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!

Back for round three.

Yesterday we had Magneto strangle Mystique and then throw a rogue Madrox dupe out the window, where he promptly exploded. I hope they weren’t really in space or else he’d have just doomed them all. What an anti-climax that would be. Even still, by tossing Madrox out the window, Magneto’s letting all the heat out.

Now it’s time for some Yellowjacket and Hawkeye action. It’s best to remember exactly what gruesome sight they’re following up on.

ManiacClown wanted me to fit in a Bad Taste reference in regards to the first page, but only after the fact did he realize he meant Dead Alive. That scamp.

Isn’t it kind of convenient that Pym keeps his special technology to save Janet’s life in the Triskelion rather than the now-destroyed building where his lab was and he was under house arrest in?

Tomorrow we get more X-Men drama. Whee.

Day Four!
Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!

And we move forward. Yesterday saw Magneto sit back and listen to the Scarlet Witch. But how can that be if Wanda is dead? But what of the Multiple Man hiding out behind his throne? Today’s update has both of those answers.

Thanks to ManiacClown, who tried to have me change Magneto’s rant into a different topic. No dice, my friend.

Tomorrow we’ll see Giant Man vs. the Blob. It’s really stupid.

Day Three!
Day Four!
Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!