About a year or so ago, I recall explaining Jeph Loeb to somebody. The guy I was talking to only read Marvel, so he didn’t understand why I found Loeb’s writing so annoying. The only thing he knew of him was Loeb’s old Batman stuff, which of course, was very good. This was before Fallen Son, Wolverine and it’s not like he was going to read the then-new miniseries Onslaught Reborn anyway.

I explained it via Superman/Batman and how ridiculous it got after Jeph’s son tragically died of cancer. Loeb’s writing took a turn for the worse to the point that he only relies on his whole “Toss everyone into the mix and watch it sell despite quality” gimmick to get by. He still gets high profile comic jobs that will continue to do well based on both the topic and the great artists he’s usually paired with. No matter how bad his Hulk run is, it will capitalize on both the McGuinness art and the phenomenon of Greg Pak’s amazing Planet/World War Hulk epic. Wolverine was unreadable, but it’s Wolverine and the pages looked amazing.

My friend didn’t care much about Superman or Batman, so my explanation of why it was so bad towards the end of Loeb’s run didn’t work. To better explain, I jokingly came up with Jeph Loeb’s Spider-Man/Wolverine. A hypothetical comic where in one story they would face Doctor Octopus, who has for some reason taken over the Hand. Or a story where Ben Reilly returns with an adamantium skeleton. Or a story with Mary Jane becoming the new Phoenix. If anything else, I knew that there would be some kind of story arc where Venom and Magneto would team up. Such a concept makes no sense in any way, but that would never stop Loeb from shoehorning those two popular villains together for the sake of another epic crossover filled with random guest appearances.

I was only half joking when I suggested it, and yet here it is. Much has been said about Jeph Loeb and MAD!’s Ultimates 3 #1. Very few of it good. It’s nice of them to wait until December to release this, as we can be sure that this is really the worst comic of the year. In a year where Mary Marvel turned slutty and fought a demon made of dead babies who threatened to eat her poop, it was still toppled by this muddy comic that can only be considered the Ultimate line’s first great step into self-destruction.

This comic needs its own special take. Much like Christopher Bird‘s deservingly popular take on Civil War, I teamed up with Something Awful forum member ManiacClown to create Ultimate Edit. Speaking of Mr. Bird, he was gracious enough to help me find a font that doesn’t scrape the eyes. Nice guy.

That’s it for today. Join us tomorrow for the next three pages.

Day Two!
Day Three!
Day Four!
Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!

Ghostface Killah Lands Cameos In ‘Iron Man,’ ‘Walk Hard’ – Movie News Story | MTV Movie News

“I jumped in there for maybe 12 or 16 bars, nothing too major,” Ghost downplayed before describing his scene with the film’s star. “It was a good look for the kid because Robert Downey Jr. recognized me as soon as I seen him. He was like, ‘Yo, Tony!’ … For him to recognize me, I was kinda surprised by that. I didn’t know he even knew about the kid. … We called each other Tony onscreen. I’m like, ‘Tony Stark, I got your jet, I didn’t mess it up.’ He was like, ‘I got the Bentley for you, I laced it up.’ I had two girls with me, I was like, ‘That’s you [pointing toward the girls].’ I sent two birds at him. It was a wrap for that scene. He’s a cool dude and funny. Big up to Robert Downey Jr.

This Iron Movie cannot possibly get any more awesome. Yes.

How many comic characters have come up with recently revealed/brought back into play children?

Wolverine has Daken and X-23, kinda. Agent 13 is preggo with Cap’s baby. Namor had that son show up in his mini. Superman has Chris Kent. Batman has Damian. Hulk has Skaar or whatever. Corsair had Vulcan, though that’s kind of stretching the timeline a little. Punisher’s got a tyke.

That’s eight in, what, just under two years?

Anyway, Christos Gage is one of my new favorite writers. His Union Jack was the bomb, his House of M Avengers was mostly recap/revamp for Cage fans, but good, and so on. He’s got a couple books dropping soon. Iron Man Annual #1 and T-bolts: Breaking Points. Both are one-offs.

Tony Stark as James Bond + Bruce Wayne is a brilliant move, seriously. Why hasn’t anyone done this before? It’s totally Tony Stark. Danny Rand is Kung Fu Billionaire, Tony Stark should be Mecha James Bond. I want to pick up both books now. Gage generally does good.

But yeah, there’s something else in those previews that I noticed. Check out this image and think back a few months to the Mary Jane statue thing.

I laughed.

My question is– is this a knee-slapper with a knowing wink or a face-slapper with a mean glare? It’s kind of obviously presented as something that isn’t altogether kosher or positive… my money is on wink.

Yep. It’s time for another edition of Ruin the Moment, distracting you as I work on the next Professor Marc article.

This is based on Tim Drake receiving the call that Bart Allen has been killed needlessly because DC wrote themselves into a corner.

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I’ve discussed comics based on video games before. Many of them aren’t very good. There are exceptions to the rule out there, like the UDON Street Fighter series. That is, if you can get past the horrid delays and the lack of anything of importance happening in most issues. The Darkstalkers comic wouldn’t have been all that bad had it lasted more than six issues and actually went somewhere.

The subject today is Marvel Nemesis: The Imperfects, based on the similarly named videogame Marvel Nemesis: Rise of the Imperfects. This review is going to be a little different, as I’m going to try and lead you through the process of me reading this series. The experience of reading these issues when they came out is worlds different than if I were to be reading them for the first time now.

The news first hit that Electronic Arts would be releasing a Marvel fighting game. The place-holder of a name “Marvel vs. EA” was the popular term for this new project and immediately, we were lambasted with awful joke after awful joke. As a comedic writer, something that annoys me is when somebody makes an obvious joke that half of the hemisphere had already made and acts like they’re a comedic genius. The kind of people who make jokes about Mr. Fantastic stretching his wang. Anyway, for months on end, everybody chimed in with the same played out “Spider-Man vs. Madden” or “Wolverine vs. Gandalf” punchline. It was really sad.

Over time, details about the game, such as the actual title, were announced. The first footage of the game featured Spider-Man, Wolverine, the Thing and two EA-created characters Johnny Ohm and Brigade. Artist Jae Lee had a major role in the art direction of the game and made the character select images. He would also draw the cover art for the comic miniseries. Mark Millar was brought in for character designs and backstories. The creative team for the six-issue miniseries would be writer Greg Pak and artist Renato Arlem. I was unfamiliar with Pak at the time, so I had no idea that this was a really good thing. Renato’s art style shares similarities with Jae Lee’s style, so that’s also a big plus.

The cover features a foreground shot of the story’s villain, Niles Van Roekel. Behind him are Spider-Man, Wolverine, Elektra and Thing, all infected with some kind of green goop nastiness. Thing is what it looks like when you chew Fruity Pebbles and then open your mouth and stick out your tongue.

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In a couple hours, I’m going to be leaving for the weekend for my brother’s wedding. No computer access during that time, so the site is in the hands of the leader guy, the newbie and the guy who’s too busy doing real writing work.

Some quick notes before I go:

– The Dr. Strange movie is the better of the four Marvel animated movies (Strange > Ultimates > Ultimates 2 > Iron Man). The animation is better, the ugly shading is fixed and some of it is genuinely good. Unfortunately, it’s marred with goofy additions like having Strange, Mordo and the others fight by conjuring swords instead of straight sorcery. The ending is the absolute stupidest and laziest deus ex machina I have ever seen in any superhero movie, which is saying a lot. In conclusion, the movie is okayish.

– If you’re going to get the Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters on DVD, don’t do it for the 80 minute deleted movie. It’s just an early version of the movie where the animation is only two-fifths done and the deleted scenes (which are available with full animation elsewhere on the DVD) are inserted. Though to its credit, there is a nice unused ending that involves Dr. Weird screaming at Meatwad, “Well, keep it down! I’m trying to fuck a tangerine!” a second before the end credits.

– Booster Gold #1 is fantabulous. It really, really is. The comic is about a muscular idiot in tights, his annoying robot companion and a guy who knows way too much about history banding together to repair the past and keep time stable. Hm…

I always thought this show needed a second chance. Thanks, Geoff Johns!

The Contest of Champions paved the way for the event miniseries that Marvel and DC have become dependant on. The star-studded scavenger hunt wasn’t the greatest story in the world, but it was still memorable and classic for being the first step. Naturally, there would one day be a sequel.

If you can call it that.

When I think of Contest of Champions II, I think of the Infinity Gauntlet. Bear with me on this. Infinity Gauntlet was a popular Marvel miniseries starring a bunch of heroes that was eventually used as the basis for Marvel Superheroes, a very good arcade fighting game. While the game did include characters like Psylocke, Magneto, Juggernaut, Blackheart and Shuma Gorath (that still boggles my mind), the gist of the story was that it was supposed to be a retelling of Infinity Gauntlet, only the heroes aren’t useless.

What does this have to do with Contest of Champions II? Marvel Superheroes was a fighting game based on a Marvel miniseries. Contest of Champions II is the opposite. It’s a Marvel miniseries based on fighting games.

Funny thing about fighting games is that there aren’t many variations of the story out there. For the most part, every fighting game’s story is based on one of two concepts. Sometimes it’s just about a quest where different characters run around with a goal, meet each other and fight. Marvel Superheroes was basically this. The other, more popular one, is the tournament. It’s the easiest reason to have different warriors from different walks of life battle each other, especially when there’s no animosity between some.

The tournament stories are occasionally straight-laced and legit. That’s boring. Many others would have the tournament just be a front. In actuality, the host of the tournament is trying to use this as a way to kill off all threats to his or her plans for world domination. Maybe the host plans on using the beaten warriors as zombie cyborg soldiers. A lot of the time, all the fighting is just a way to unleash some long-imprisoned monster god thing to wreak terror on the lands.

This is pretty much what Contest of Champions II is.

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Superhero vs. superhero. Over the past couple years, it’s almost become the new status quo in the Marvel Universe and still gets a good amount of play in DC here and there. Whether it’s hatred, misunderstanding, bureaucracy or mind-control, it’s everywhere. With things like Daredevil vs. Punisher, Civil War, World War Hulk and pretty much any inter-dimensional crossover like Marvel vs. DC, JLA/Avengers and Captain Atom: Armageddon there are many miniseries based on the simple idea of our favorite heroes duking it out with each other.

It makes sense. There’s a certain feeling of bragging rights and uncertainty that comes from these fights. If there’s a story about Superman fighting Parasite, then there isn’t much mystery. We know Superman is going to come out the winner because Superman is our heroic protagonist. But toss him in against another heroic protagonist like Captain Marvel, Martian Manhunter or Green Lantern (on a good day) and we don’t know what to expect.

Originally conceived as an Olympic tie-in until the US pulled out of the Moscow Olympics, the Contest of Champions was not only the first hero-on-hero miniseries, but it was the first big crossover miniseries. This is the comic that would set the trend for Crisis on Infinite Earths and Secret Wars. It was only three issues and normal-sized, but I’m sure at the time it seemed really epic. Even now, I’d say the first issue had that feeling. I can only imagine what it would be like back in the 80’s to see all these superheroes together in the same room.

The writing credits go to Mark Gruenwald, Bill Mantlo and Steven Grant with Romita Jr. doing the art. So it’s got that going for it.

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Good God. I’ve reached the point where I use the term “musings” on the internet. Shoot me.

I’ve been taking a break lately, due to several things holding me up and taking my time, like a crappy work schedule, Guitar Hero Rocks the 80’s and a bunch of crap you don’t care about.

In the meantime, a couple quick thoughts.

– I made like 15 new 4th Letter headers and then hermanos had to go and redesign the site. Fuck him! Though I have to admit, the new look is growing on me. I like the little “4th ____” gags in some of those headers. Took me a second to get why Ares is labeled “4th Planet”.

– If you didn’t know by now, Greg Pak is going to be doing a What If issue with a trilogy of stories based on Planet Hulk. One has Hulk land on the peaceful planet as the Illuminati planned. One has Bruce Banner land on Sakaar instead. The last, and most interesting one, is about Hulk dying in the warp drive explosion and his queen surviving to seek vengeance on Earth. This comic sounds awesome.

– Norman Osborn is the glue holding Thunderbolts together and making it readable.

– I just bought a ton of trades last week. Ant Man: Low-Life, because even though hermanos dislikes it, I give Kirkman the benefit of the doubt. Hyperion vs. Nighthawk, as it’s the only Squadron Supreme story I haven’t read other than that nine issues of hurt called Ultimate Power. Cassanova, because hermanos loves it so much and I dig that Matt Fraction. The Hood, because it’s BKV and I could go for a nice Marvel MAX title that doesn’t star Frank Castle or his oversized, black nemesis. Seven Brothers, because I’m in the mood to read something by Ennis that isn’t “heheh superheroes is fags”. And I bought Goon: Noir and 52 Volume 2 because… uh… well, there wasn’t really any thought process in those decisions. One is the Goon and the other is 52. That’s reason enough.

– CHIKARA show this Sunday in Philly at the ECW Arena. Come and join the fun.

– The cover image to Ultimates Volume 3 fills me with a strong sense of dread. Not only is this going to be an awful comic, but it’s going to be like a shotgun blast to the Ultimate universe. If this comic is as bad as I fear it to be, then the Ultimate line of comics will be at death’s door in probably two or three years. That’s such a damn shame.

– On the other side of the coin, the Marvel Adventures line is pretty fantastic right now. While the first issue of MA: Hulk wasn’t special, I absolutely loved MA: Iron Man’s initial issue. That’s the best reimagining of his origin outside of canon I can recall. Pick up Giant Size Marvel Adventures: Avengers if you’ve ever wanted to see a gorilla suckerpunch Wolverine in the back of the head through a closing time portal.

– Not comic related at all, but in the last couple weeks, I’ve dropped 15 pounds. Hells yeah!

Next time I’ll have actual content. I promise.

So, guess who just got back from a special sneak preview of the Iron Man game coming from SEGA :quagmire:

It was a short preview, and not hands-on, but it looks pretty dope. We saw the 360 rev, which looked really good to be so early. We saw a Siberian stage, with IM versus Russian mercs… Russian mercs run by AIM. Rhodey and Jarvis assist him over a radio.

We saw a couple good scenes. Iron Man can catch missiles and redirect them, turning the enemy against itself. It was an unfinished build, but there was a pretty good sense of speed, and the stage was huge. It’s structured so that you can complete objectives in a mission in the order that feels most comfortable to you, which is kind of cool. Infantry and that kind of thing are really no threat, but heavy armor? Yes, that will rock you but good.

One last thing before I dip– I asked the dev specifically about armors. He said that they’re going to rep the movie first and foremost, but that they’re going to pull on 40 years of Marvel continuity and give us some hot unlockables. War Machine armor is a no-brainer. It’d be kinda cool to see some Hulkbuster armor (renamed, of course) or something from Adam Warren’s Hypervelocity.

One more one last thing– I know one of the dev guys, and he’s local to SF :whatup: