Better late than never, I guess. For those of you who haven’t read up on the site in the past few days, I hit a snag on writing this entry thanks to a mixture of fatigue and sickness. The lack of sleep even led to some actual paranoia where the slightest sensation in one of my legs or arms would lead to my frantic belief that I was suffering a heart attack or diabetes or whatever. Anyway, I got over all that, but it completely killed my writing momentum. Now it’s time to right that wrong.

People have been wondering about Wrestlemania 26 and how it ranks on the list. I have a lot on my plate as it is, so I’m not going to go into too much detail. A lot of the matches were simply good or pretty good, but not great. The main event is phenomenal and I’d consider it better than Wrestlemania 25’s Michaels/Undertaker match. Batista/Cena is pretty good, outside of the completely cookie cutter ending. Vince McMahon vs. Bret Hart is not only horrible, but I can definitely say it’s the worst male match at any Wrestlemania. I’d even rather watch Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzales.

Using my rating system based on how I remember liking each match, it ends up ranking at #11 1/2. It’s worse than Wrestlemania 14, but better than Wrestlemania 21. Though to the show’s credit, it did help lead into this.

And the world has been a better place since. Thank you, Jack.

Read the rest of this entry �

Quick one today due to a short week. Of course, I’ve already covered Prelude to Deadpool Corps #5 in this post, but I added it in anyway. I’ve been hearing that I should be getting my ass in gear and catching up with Hickman’s Fantastic Four, so hopefully I will have done that by his next issue.

Hey, want to see something great? Pretend the second panel is the answer to the first panel.

Amazing Spider-Man #627
Roger Stern and Lee Weeks

The A-Team: War Stories: BA
Chuck Dixon, Erik Burnham and Casey Maloney

Read the rest of this entry �

Today is that annual day when websites like to toss in jokes about how they’re closing or now owned by _____ or how they’re going to make a sequel to your favorite videogame. All that shit. Personally, I’m not in the mood.

But on the subject of jokes, I think of the latest issue of Prelude to Deadpool Corps. For those of you who haven’t been able to keep Deadpool’s multiple titles straight, Prelude is Victor Gischler’s concurrent follow-up to the canceled on-going Deadpool: Merc with a Mouth, which will end in several months. It’s been a weekly, five-issue romp as Deadpool goes from universe to universe to put together a team of his female self, his hungry and decaying head from the Marvel Zombies universe, a kid version of him from a world where he’s a student at Xavier’s school, and a gross dog with regenerative powers. Each issue has a different artist and the quality ranges from good (Paco Medina) to Rob Liefeld.

I made the mistake of picking up #5 without even flipping through it. After all, it features the art of Kyle Baker. I mean, Kyle Baker is awesome! Didn’t you read Plastic Man? That series was brilliant! Okay, sure, the middle issues were a bit uninspired, but the rest of it was tops! He’d be absolutely perfect for a Deadpool comic. But it’s weird, I strictly remember that Baker’s done Deadpool work before. Something about Deadpool #900 and a segment of Merc with a Mouth when Wade went through different universes. For some reason I made myself forget about those issues. Why would I do that? Kyle Baker is an awesome artist.

I look through this issue and… oh, yeah.

Sweet Jesus! This comic has more lens flare than it does yellow word bubbles! Kidpool (not to be confused with the infinitely better, yet forgotten Kid Deadpool) complains about the lack of fries even though there’s two orders of them laying on the table! The Grandmaster and the Contemplator look like unfinished action figures! The textures are eye-rape! Everyone looks like rejects from that Avengers in Galactic Storm arcade game that nobody’s heard of!

There’s more that I’m not showing you. A lot of the time you can barely tell the difference between Deadpool and Lady Deadpool. Horrible filters and color schemes are rampant. When Dogpool crawls out of a crater after an explosive ship crash, his physical damage is portrayed by making random parts of him transparent. A subplot involves the Deadpool Corps opposing an army of Carebear knockoffs, but it doesn’t work. The whole point of the gag is that these guys are fighting and slaughtering a bunch of bloodthirsty space pirates who happen to be cute, but how do you portray that when everything about the comic is so goddamn ugly?

So, yes, April Fools Day is all about jokes. And yes, we get it, Mr. Baker. It’s a funny prank you’ve been playing on us for the past few months, but it’s getting old. You can go back to drawing GOOD art now. Any time, now. Please?

So some of you might be wondering about the Wrestlemania Countdown and how I never got around to posting the top 3. I really wanted to get that done in time, but 11 straight days of writing plus coming down with a cold led to some nasty fatigue and I lost my writing momentum. I’ll get to it, but sometime in the next few days, albeit when nobody cares because Wrestlemania 26 already happened.

In other news, I stumbled across this the other day. It’s a well-known fact that the videogame Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time has one of the all-time greatest soundtracks. A guy by the name of MasDaMind decided to merge the tracks from that game with other pieces of music to create Teenage Mashup Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles In Time Tribute.

Some work better than others, but I personally dig “Got Yourself Sewer Surfin'”.

Why is this example of chickkissing stuck under one of the sad lines from “Yesterday”? It doesn’t make sense! After all, this panel from Incredible Hercules #141 has everything. Action, adventure, someone being a jerk, and it’s all in a title that is epic, overwhelming silliness. Also, as I said before, chickkissing.

Why, because it’s Marvel, of course!

When I told Gavok about Venus, Aphrodite’s freaky siren copycat who had mind-control love powers that she used on everyone, I did not entirely believe myself. Now I see that it’s true. Too bad he’s such a psychotic jerk (by that I mean Gavok. Gavok is a jerk).

DC, it’s about time you had some crazy, love-power-having bisexual characters blatantly made for rampant and gratuitous fanboy service. Karen and Helena, separately and together, are half-way there already. And they’re good guys! Get on that! I have faith in you!

Time for another installment of TWiP, which is almost late since I was too busy watching the All-American American Jack Swagger be awesome. Oh, and Shawn Michaels is apparently retiring too. But the Jack Swagger part is more important.

Amazing Spider-Man #626
Fred Van Lente and Michael Gaydos

The A-Team: Shotgun Wedding #2
Joe Carnahan, Tom Waltz and Stephen Mooney

Read the rest of this entry �

This was supposed to be up last night, but the stupid website was down until about an hour ago. Bullshit. I’ll have to post Day Twelve tomorrow instead.

For one last Tales of Wrestlemania, we might as well look at the guy whose name is synonymous with the show. Shawn Michaels, who calls himself “Mr. Wrestlemania” has a ton of Wrestlemania appearances and it makes for a good synopsis of his storied career.

Wrestlemania 5: He and Marty Jannetty lose decisively against the Twin Towers.

Wrestlemania 6: He and Marty lose another match, but at least it’s because of cheating.

Wrestlemania 7: Finally, he and Marty win a match.

Wrestlemania 8: Michaels is on his own as a heel, managed by Sensational Sherri. The commentators can’t stop talking about how Michaels is destined for the Intercontinental Championship.

Wrestlemania 9: Michaels is now the Intercontinental Champion as predicted. He keeps his title despite losing his match. Also, Sherri is now out to get him.

Wrestlemania 10: Michaels starts going down the road of being a dick, which is what ultimately causes the ladder match against Razor Ramon for the undisputed Intercontinental Champion. Michaels loses the match and the title.

Wrestlemania 11: A year after the ladder match, Michaels has moved up the ladder and gets a world title shot. It isn’t the true main event and he does lose, but he’s made it this far.

Wrestlemania 12: Take two! Half of the show is dedicated to Michaels winning the belt off Bret Hart. When he wins, he continues to be a dick towards Bret.

Wrestlemania 13: Speaking of being a dick to Bret, he ducks out of wrestling at the show and dropping the title to Bret because he lost his smile. Still shows up with a big intro anyway and commentates the main event. Puts over the Undertaker huge, even though they haven’t met in the ring yet.

Wrestlemania 14: His back is messed up and he has to retire. He drops the title to Steve Austin, though there are rumors that he was reluctant to do so. He steps away from wrestling for the most part and the Attitude Era begins.

Wrestlemania 15: Just because he can’t wrestle doesn’t mean he can’t make an appearance. He appears prior to the main event to tell off Vince McMahon with threats to take him down physically if need be.

Wrestlemania 16: Michaels is relegated to just showing up for Fan Axxess and signing autographs while one overzealous fan yells at the camera that they should bring him back. He vanishes from the scene for the next two Wrestlemanias.

Wrestlemania 19: Michaels has made a shocking recovery from his back problems and is back in the ring. He’s no longer the young up-and-comer. He’s now the veteran, facing Chris Jericho, who is essentially the younger version of Michaels.

Wrestlemania 20: Swerves his way into the main event title match, but it isn’t meant to be. He loses without being involved in the finale.

Wrestlemania 21: Wrestles Kurt Angle in what is essentially callback to Wrestlemania 12. Angle is angry that Michaels’ 1996 showing trumped him winning a gold medal.

Wrestlemania 22: Michaels faces Vince McMahon and destroys him in an angle that could be portrayed as Michaels destroying a representative of what kind of man he used to be.

Wrestlemania 23: Michaels goes to the main event against the champion, but Michaels doesn’t win. At his level, he no longer truly needs the title.

Wrestlemania 24: Defeats Ric Flair and, as part of the stipulation, Flair has to retire. An important landmark in Michaels’ career.

Wrestlemania 25: Puts his own legendary list of Wrestlemania accomplishments against the Undertaker. He fights hard to get to this match, beating JBL and Kozlov for the right, but falls just short of victory.

Wrestlemania 26: It all comes to a head. He can’t let that loss stand. Defeating the Undertaker at Wrestlemania is all that’s left for him to do. If he can’t succeed, he will do like Flair two years before and walk away from the squared circle.

Read the rest of this entry �

Today’s Tales of Wrestlemania is about Lex Luger.

Wrestlemania 8: Lex isn’t even wrestling. He’s being used for the World Bodybuilding Federation and appears to talk to Bobby Heenan about how jacked he is. Then he drinks some milk. Waste of time.

Wrestlemania 9: They’re really pushing Lex by not only going over Mr. Perfect, but claiming that he beat up Bret Hart earlier in the day. Unfortunately for the Narcissist, this match with Bret will never come to be.

Wrestlemania 10: Having become a patriotic Hogan knockoff, Lex has a title shot against Yokozuna. Despite all these hints that he and Bret are going to meet in the finals, Lex is screwed over by the man he beat just a year earlier: Mr. Perfect. Dang.

Wrestlemania 11: Any momentum Lex has ever had is long gone. Now he’s relegated to teaming up with the British Bulldog and opening the show. He still won’t be having any matches with Bret because he’s no longer in his league. That’s harsh.

Which reminds me, I remember a rumor that Lex was going to win the title at Wrestlemania 10, but blabbed it to a reporter and they had to change the booking of the show. I never found out if that was bullshit or not.

Read the rest of this entry �

For today’s Tales of Wrestlemania, we’ll do a double. First, King Kong Bundy.

Wrestlemania 1: Bundy appears in the second match and annihilates Special Delivery Jones in seconds. Obviously, this guy has momentum.

Wrestlemania 2: That momentum has brought him to the main event against Hulk Hogan for the title. Bundy loses the match and has nowhere to go but down.

Wrestlemania 3: He’s fallen so far that he’s now in a comedy mixed tag match featuring four midgets and Hillbilly Jim. That’s like hitting rock bottom.

Wrestlemania 11: He returns and is used as a threat of the week against the Undertaker. He’s handily beaten. But hey, at least your Wrestlemania career still looks better than SD Jones!

Here’s a quick one for Yokozuna.

Wrestlemania 9: Yokozuna’s Wrestlemania debut has him win the main event against Bret Hart through cheating. He gets the title, but foolishly challenges Hulk Hogan and loses the belt. It’s not too bad. He’s still the top heel of the company.

Wrestlemania 10: After Bret loses to Owen in the opening bout, Yokozuna is able to get past his first round match with Lex Luger thanks to a crooked referee. It takes a year, but Bret Hart finally avenges his loss from the previous show. There goes Yokozuna’s belt.

Wrestlemania 11: Yokozuna falls down the card, but who better to team with than Bret’s other opponent from last year, Owen Hart? The two win the tag titles off the Smoking Gunns. This looks like the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Wrestlemania 12: Got bad news, Yokozuna. First, you and Owen are now enemies. Second, we’re feeding you to Vader, so you’re yesterday’s news. And third, you really, really need to do something about that nasty pube beard of yours. Don’t you own a mirror?

Read the rest of this entry �

For today’s Tales of Wrestlemania profile, let’s go with Andre the Giant.

Wrestlemania 1: Andre battles and defeats Big John Studd with Andre’s very career on the line. In Studd’s corner is Bobby “The Brain” Heenan.

Wrestlemania 2: Andre continues to show his dominance by winning the big battle royal. Later, in the main event, Heenan’s acquisition King Kong Bundy fails to defeat Hogan for the title.

Wrestlemania 3: Andre and Heenan have joined forces to get the title off Hogan. Andre loses the match. Once again, Heenan has failed.

Wrestlemania 4: Andre has a rematch with Hogan, though this time represented by Ted Dibiase. Andre succeeds in taking Hogan out of the tournament, but when he tries to take out Savage, Hogan appears to strike him down. Also at this show, Jake Roberts has a match with Rick Rude that starts a feud between Jake and the Heenan Family.

Wrestlemania 5: Andre is back with Heenan and is going after Jake Roberts. Big John Studd is the referee. Andre is disqualified and chased off by Jake, giving Studd some face closure in their rivalry.

Wrestlemania 6: Andre and Haku are the tag champs. They lose the belts to Demolition and Heenan has had enough. Ever since turning heel, Andre has yet to get a victory at Wrestlemania. Heenan slaps Andre and sets him off.

Wrestlemania 7: Andre is too broken down to wrestle, but he does show up to help Big Boss Man fight the Heenan Family. After helping clear the area of Mr. Perfect, Haku and the Barbarian, Andre gives some words of encouragement to Boss Man and effectively passes the torch before moving on.

Has kind of an Anakin Skywalker ring to it.

Read the rest of this entry �