I’ll Tear My Heart Out Before I Get Out

March 30th, 2010 by | Tags: , , ,

Why is this example of a monkey and a robot making out stuck under a sad line from “Today?” It doesn’t make sense! After all, this panel from Doom Patrol #34 has everything. Action, adventure, someone being a jerk, and it’s all in a title that is epic, overwhelming silliness. Also, as I said before, a monkey and a robot making out.

Why, because it’s DC, of course!

Marvel, it’s about time you had some “crazy, reprogrammed robot” on “talking, violent monkey” characters blatantly made for rampant and gratuitous fan service. Vision and Gorilla Man, separately and together, are half-way there already. And they’re good guys! Get on that! I have faith in you!

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10 comments to “I’ll Tear My Heart Out Before I Get Out”

  1. Gorillas aren’t monkeys, Dave. However, good work finding Marvel’s ape/android combination that doesn’t involve Marvel Apes. Your assignment is to write the slash fiction of it.

  2. If I recall correctly, that issue of Doom Patrol, the final Grant Morrison issue of Animal Man, and the first issue of Pete Milligan and Chris Bachello’s Shade the Changing Man were all released (or supposed to have been released) the same month.

    I really can’t imagine three such singular comics being released at exactly the same time nowadays, but I live in hope.

    And if you’re Gavrok is going to use Annie the Musical quotes for his titles, the least you could have done is copied Morrison himself with a Smiths quote:

    “Under the iron bridge we kissed
    And although I ended up with sore lips
    It just wasn’t like the old days anymore “

  3. So what you want from Marvel is for Gorilla-Man and M-11 to become a couple?

  4. I think a better match-up might be one of the Super-Apes and Ultron.

  5. How about Mandrill and Ultron? Ultron’s probably immune to the former’s pheromone powers, so it’d be a touching instance where Mandrill knows the love is genuine.

  6. Jeff Parker should definitely have Gorilla Man and M-11 make out in the next iteration of “Agents of Atlas: The Uncancellable”. I would probably buy that.

  7. Or even a Sentinel. I can see it now: the Mandrill facing down the Sentinel, for reasons unknown, and the machine reaches down and picks him up, supposedly to crush him. However, the Sentinel gently lifts the Mandrill to eye-level and scans him with those scan things they have sometimes.

    The Mandrill, confused but no longer afraid, leans over and quietly asks what’s going on, certain that no one hears him.

    Someone did: The Sentinel, and it replies: “I am falling in love.”

    Not only do you have the crazy/reprogrammed robot angle, but you also have the whole opposites attract thing. Can a crazy mutant-killing robot and a monkey-like mutant find love in the Marvel Universe? Only time can tell… AND UATU, THE WATCHER.

  8. Marvel seems to have a misguided direction regarding the “maturity” of their comics as of late, and having someone like Bachalo or Carey or Milligan pull off another X-Statix would not only complement their upcoming “Age of Heroes” banner, but also go far as to wash the taste of their recent pseudo-controversial comic events.

    I have no problem with the political overtones of Civil War or Dark Reign or Utopia, nor the emotional strain of One More Day, but Quesada and Co. are crazy if they think good comics demand such ham-handed allegories.

    I’ll take experimentation over ambition any day.

  9. @ManiacClown: Don’t call me Dave, please. Hated that since I was a kid.

    @Meekrat & @VersasoVantare: Mandrill is a really good call! I was explaining him to Esther the other day.

    @Lee: I went with the title Gav asked me to use, man, take it up with him. I don’t know word one about the Smiths.

  10. funny coincidence, I just finished my 2nd readthrough of Morrison’s DP run yesterday. Fun stuff.

    Mr. Nobody is one of my favorite Morrison creations

    @david brothers: a fellow “I go by my birth certificate name” person. Down with the “Nate”s and “Dave”s