Happy Annoying Internet Lies Day, Everybody!

April 1st, 2010 by | Tags: , ,

Today is that annual day when websites like to toss in jokes about how they’re closing or now owned by _____ or how they’re going to make a sequel to your favorite videogame. All that shit. Personally, I’m not in the mood.

But on the subject of jokes, I think of the latest issue of Prelude to Deadpool Corps. For those of you who haven’t been able to keep Deadpool’s multiple titles straight, Prelude is Victor Gischler’s concurrent follow-up to the canceled on-going Deadpool: Merc with a Mouth, which will end in several months. It’s been a weekly, five-issue romp as Deadpool goes from universe to universe to put together a team of his female self, his hungry and decaying head from the Marvel Zombies universe, a kid version of him from a world where he’s a student at Xavier’s school, and a gross dog with regenerative powers. Each issue has a different artist and the quality ranges from good (Paco Medina) to Rob Liefeld.

I made the mistake of picking up #5 without even flipping through it. After all, it features the art of Kyle Baker. I mean, Kyle Baker is awesome! Didn’t you read Plastic Man? That series was brilliant! Okay, sure, the middle issues were a bit uninspired, but the rest of it was tops! He’d be absolutely perfect for a Deadpool comic. But it’s weird, I strictly remember that Baker’s done Deadpool work before. Something about Deadpool #900 and a segment of Merc with a Mouth when Wade went through different universes. For some reason I made myself forget about those issues. Why would I do that? Kyle Baker is an awesome artist.

I look through this issue and… oh, yeah.

Sweet Jesus! This comic has more lens flare than it does yellow word bubbles! Kidpool (not to be confused with the infinitely better, yet forgotten Kid Deadpool) complains about the lack of fries even though there’s two orders of them laying on the table! The Grandmaster and the Contemplator look like unfinished action figures! The textures are eye-rape! Everyone looks like rejects from that Avengers in Galactic Storm arcade game that nobody’s heard of!

There’s more that I’m not showing you. A lot of the time you can barely tell the difference between Deadpool and Lady Deadpool. Horrible filters and color schemes are rampant. When Dogpool crawls out of a crater after an explosive ship crash, his physical damage is portrayed by making random parts of him transparent. A subplot involves the Deadpool Corps opposing an army of Carebear knockoffs, but it doesn’t work. The whole point of the gag is that these guys are fighting and slaughtering a bunch of bloodthirsty space pirates who happen to be cute, but how do you portray that when everything about the comic is so goddamn ugly?

So, yes, April Fools Day is all about jokes. And yes, we get it, Mr. Baker. It’s a funny prank you’ve been playing on us for the past few months, but it’s getting old. You can go back to drawing GOOD art now. Any time, now. Please?

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9 comments to “Happy Annoying Internet Lies Day, Everybody!”

  1. Man, Kyle Baker actually drawing Deadpool could be great. And I thought he, of all people, would know to not ever use lensflare on purpose.

    But yeah, I hope it’s a joke, because I can’t think of a more appropriate word for the act of using Poser in any creative endeavor.

  2. It actually looks a lot like the last couple of issues of Promethea when JH Williams tried to bring her into the ‘real world’ and it was some of the most hideous work I’ve ever seen from one of the most stellar artists working today.

  3. Brad Meltzer should be lobotomized and made to mine coal for the rest of his days.

  4. @Nathan: FYI this year’s theme is to insult Brad Meltzer

  5. Having seen the hideous story Baker “drew” for Charlie Huston in Deadpool #900, it’s no joke.

  6. I’m not trying to sound ungrateful or anything, but I still want Day Twelve………


  7. Hopefully tonight. I finally have a day off from work.

  8. I was going to say something sarcastic, but I was too distracted by Headpool and his motorized propeller beanie.

  9. I keep wondering why Deadpool was being “drawn” in Poser.