She Used To Love Y.O.U.

June 19th, 2008 by | Tags: , , ,

NRAMA: And so you were left with a handful of continuity issues as result – – why didn’t the Guardians call a 1011 when all the other New Gods died? Why didn’t Superman recount his experiences in Death of the New Gods when he was talking about the New Gods to the JLA? How did the villains capture J’onn? Obviously, if you dealt in all the minutia of every storyline since Identity Crisis or earlier, you’d go nuts – so what was your personal line in the sand that you used in writing Final Crisis in regards to what “mattered” and what didn’t?

GM: What mattered to me was what had already been written, drawn or plotted in Final Crisis. The Guardians didn’t call 1011 when Lightray and the other gods died in Countdown because, again, Final Crisis was already underway before Countdown came out.

Why didn’t Superman recount his experiences from DOTNG ? Because those experiences hadn’t been thought up or written when I completed Final Crisis #1. If there was only me involved, Orion would have been the first dead New God we saw in a DC comic, starting off the chain of events that we see in Final Crisis. As it is, the best I can do is suggest that the somewhat contradictory depictions of Orion and Darkseid’s last-last-last battle that we witnessed in Countdown and DOTNG recently were apocryphal attempts to describe an indescribable cosmic event.

To reiterate, hopefully for the last time, when we started work on Final Crisis, J.G. and I had no idea what was going to happen in Countdown or Death Of The New Gods because neither of those books existed at that point. The Countdown writers were later asked to ‘seed’ material from Final Crisis and in some cases, probably due to the pressure of filling the pages of a weekly book, that seeding amounted to entire plotlines veering off in directions I had never envisaged, anticipated or planned for in Final Crisis.

The way I see it readers can choose to spend the rest of the year fixating on the plot quirks of a series which has ended, or they can breathe a sight of relief, settle back and enjoy the shiny new DC universe status quo we’re setting up in the pages of Final Crisis and its satellite books. I’m sure both of these paths to enlightenment will find adherents of different temperaments.

Grant Morrison, 2008

Oh, Grant. This sounds like trouble in paradise. Let’s see what wrong, okay? We’ll talk you through this.

I met her last week, this insane tart
We been swimmin’ in each other with the same heart
I mean, I think we might be sections of the same part
And we don’t separate at all until the day’s dark

–El-P, “Oxycontin Pt 2”

I remember back when you and Marvel broke up. It was explosive– Marvel turned around and undid some of your plots and twisted others. Joe Q didn’t take it well at all. He just couldn’t understand that your first love had looked in your direction and batted her eyes. Guys make strange decisions for love. These things happen.

Your first move when hooking back up with the DCU was to see about getting her some nice things. Some new stories, a new character or two, and most of all, self-awareness.

Remember that, Grant? You wanted your girl to look her best and able to stand on her own two feet. What followed was Seven Soldiers, Batman, and 52. You got Final Crisis kickstarted. You know what? It worked. Your girl was strutting down the street, all eyes on her like it was the Silver Age all over again.

Then, the troubles started. Batman ended up late enough to need a four issue fill-in. All-Star Superman’s schedule went a little rocky and you caught some heat for it. 52 went off without a hitch… almost. It would’ve gone perfectly without Bulleteer, who kept showing up in the series and flying around.

“Wait,” you said. “Guys, really. She can’t fly. She wouldn’t join a superteam. What’s going on?” No one knew. It just happened.

Weird things kept happening. Your Batman run featured a fairly ill-received crossover. It seemed to go nowhere. Your big Final Crisis plans involved the New Gods being put on ice for up to a year to heighten the tension of the first issue. Instead, they were, in your own words, “were passed around like hepatitis B to practically every writer at DC to toy with as they pleased.”

You weren’t happy about that, were you? It’s like your girl is being unfaithful to you. So, you went to get back at her. You went to Virgin Comics and helped them create a new cartoon. That’s big bucks right there, plus better exposure than comics. You started writing movie scripts. Yeah, that’s right– we know about you and We3.

Your relationship is looking a little sour, Grant. It’s a rough patch, you say? I’m not so sure.

You see, your girl, your sentient DC Universe? It woke up, took a look around, and decided you weren’t treating her right. No more lobster for dinner. You might bring home some Popeye’s, but that was about it. The champagne was replaced with box wine. And man, what happened to all the fun you two used to have? Seven Soldiers was over. You kept saying that Final Crisis was coming soon, but it always felt far away.

She got fed up, Grant. She left you.

And we made love to the thought that life’s ill
And how it’s crazy that through all of this swill
How you can bump into the beautiful while jumpin’ from sills

–El-P, “Oxycontin Pt. 2”

She found somebody else. Who was it?

It’s your homeboy Geoff Johns, Grant.

Think about it. He went from Infinite Crisis, which was a little rough to say the least, straight into 52. 52 was where he met you, wasn’t it? What came after 52? Oh… it was the Sinestro Corps War. That’s the beginning of a mega-arc that basically sprang out of what, an eight page story from twenty years ago?

That’s continuity at work, Grant. The DCU is whispering her secrets into Geoff’s ears and telling him exactly what to do. Remember that?

It’s cool, Grant. You’re still amazing. It’s just that you’re destined for bigger and better things. I heard that you’re all topsy-turvy for Vertigo. That’s good for you, man. Keep it moving. You’re technically going back to your ex, but she was good to you, wasn’t she? You guys parted amicably, I think. Maybe it’ll work out this time.

Don’t let the DCU get you down. She’s found a good man in Geoff. He’s going to treat her right, so don’t worry about that. You just do you. Go ahead and get Final Crisis done and out of the way so that you and JH Williams III can get the Vertigo series jumping off. Impress her as soon as you get her, Grant. You don’t want to get your feelings hurt, man.

You can do it, man. You’re a handsome dude with big ideas. You’ll be fine. Keep it 100, man, and you’ll have everyone out there, not just Vertigo, checking for you.

(You know I’m back, right? You can find this re-debut simulcast on Funnybook Babylon, my Black Comics Cartel family.)

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5 comments to “She Used To Love Y.O.U.”

  1. Awwwww, I love this.

  2. Yeah it’s a little convaluted over at DC right now

  3. I’m not usually big on extended metaphors, but it’s good to see you blogging again.

  4. Extended metaphor? This is what actually happened. Geoff did Grant kind of dirty, but if you lost her, you never had her, you know?

    Thanks, though 🙂

  5. It would’ve gone perfectly without Bulleteer, who kept showing up in the series and flying around.

    “Wait,” you said. “Guys, really. She can’t fly. She wouldn’t join a superteam. What’s going on?” No one knew. It just happened.

    While it doesn’t relate to the flying part, there’s a funny bit in the second 52 trade where Mark Waid clears up the Bulleteer confusion:

    I included Grant Morrison’s new Bulleteer as a JLAer largely as a placeholder until we could come up with a more fitting character. You can tell because she has exactly one word of dialogue and no more. Unfortunately, Grant somehow overlooked the point in the script where I asked him specifically if she was available and okay to use (PAGE THREE, YOU DRUNKEN SCOT! SEE BELOW!) and, hearing no reply, we just went with her. Grant later complained in an interview that no one had alerted him to her presence, so I’m going to send him a copy of that script page every day for the rest of his life.

    At the bottom of the page, they have a script excerpt where he asks Grant if it’s cool to use Bulleteer.