Where did we leave off? Ah, right. Enchantress sweet-talked Valkyrie and gave her a sword. The male Ultimates are fighting up a storm and Loki is looking swank. Let’s keep it going.
I don’t even know what the hell a Blastoise is. That’s on ManiacClown. We’ll return tomorrow to finish off the week as the ladies finish off the heroes.
Yesterday’s installment was all about the Enchantress going from place to place, brainwashing ladies and having them join her cause. I guess her one difference in her Ultimate incarnation is that she does this to women instead of men. She then starts to win over Valkyrie by showing her that Thor hasn’t been faithful to her and Hawkeye has been stealing her mustard from the fridge.
Let us continue with that scene.
Sorry, ManiacClown insisted I add that. Tomorrow is Enchantress’ plan paying off. Watch out, fellas! Carol Danvers is going to beat you up and she doesn’t even have Ms. Marvel powers!
Yesterday’s action really escalated quickly. I mean, that really got out of hand fast! It jumped up a notch. There were dragons, a man on fire and Black Panther killed a guy!
T’challa, if you’re reading this, you should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you’re probably wanted for murder.
Plus Hawkeye walked in on Tony and Carol post-coitus.
Thanks to ManiacClown for agreeing with me that, yeah, that does sort of look like Mila Kunis. Vindication is fun.
Amora and Valkyrie will continue their girl talk tomorrow. See you then.
Last time in our adventures, Captain America kicked a lady in the lady business and it made her mad enough to jump out a window. We’ve all been there. The Enchantress showed up and introduced herself to Zarda, whose inclusion on the team still makes people scratch their scalps.
Now this happens.
Thanks to ManiacClown, who believes Hawkeye doesn’t use the men’s room because he’s “too pretty to pee standing up”.
Next time, Enchantress keeps doing her thing.
Day Four!
Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!
As of yesterday, Captain America had a heated conversation with Valkyrie. A conversation SO heated that Valkyrie’s been balling up her fist. Time for something actiony to happen.
Tomorrow, ManiacClown and I will be back for dragons, orcs, jungle folk, tigers, and post-coitus. See you then.
Day Three!
Day Four!
Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!
Welcome back for another round of edits. For those who don’t remember what happened in the first issue because they were distracted by Ultimate Red Skull suddenly crying about his daddy issues in Millar’s Ultimates comic, the Defenders have returned from obscurity with special powers and enhancements. It’s like that episode of Gargoyles with the Pack, but without that kickass Australian Dingo guy around. Dingo ruled. They stole Mjolnir from Valkyrie, Loki and an army of monsters invaded and Tony Stark introduced Carol Danvers to at least three STDs.
And now, we move forward.
Thanks to ManiacClown for warning me that having the pointing Captain America say, “Only you can prevent forest terrorism!” is a little too much of a stretch. We’ll be back tomorrow with more from Cap and Valkyrie.
But my point remains: Dingo ruled.
Day Two!
Day Three!
Day Four!
Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!
Sorry about the lateness. The last few days have been absolute madness for me. I was going to toss in the Free Comic Book Day stuff in this update, but since I haven’t had a chance to read much of it, and since next week is such a small comic week, I’ll save it for then.
Amazing Spider-Man #629
Roger Stern, Lee Weeks, Zeb Wells and Chris Bachalo
The Authority: The Lost Year #8
Grant Morrison, Keith Giffen, J.M. DeMatteis and David Williams
The penultimate pages showed Carol Danvers and Tony Stark getting all shouty and arguey. Then Shanna the She-Devil, Ka-Zar, some tigers and the mute Black Panther who isn’t Captain America in disguise this time hang out in Central Park. Things suddenly get cold. What could this mean?
That’s all for this week. ManiacClown would strangle me if I didn’t at least feature the Farmville SHIELD image he made for a throwaway gag. Really, the guy would just give me updates about stuff I don’t understand. Never played Farmville and never plan to. Here you go.
Stay tuned for this Wednesday as my 12-day Wrestlemania Countdown begins, tough guy!
Yesterday’s adventure involved Thor having the mistress of the afterlife take care of his hammer. Then Tony Stark and Carol Danvers started going for the jugular. Let’s continue on with that.
This was one of the more difficult Ultimate Edit installments to write based on the matter of what we were critiquing. Back when we first started doing these, we laid down some ground rules and made certain things off-limits. The main one being Jeph Loeb’s personal tragedies relating to his son, Sam. The whole point here is never to make fun of Jeph Loeb the person (who I’ve heard from many is a genuinely nice guy), but of his writing.
A lot of Jeph Loeb’s writing has become very much Sam-based, and that is completely understandable. Captain America: Lost Son was more than anything Jeph’s attempt to come to terms with his son’s passing. It wasn’t my cup of tea, but I respected what he was doing. He would continue to make minor references to his son in his work, which was fine, but it’s become more and more apparent that it’s something he can’t push himself past. Most of his work revolves around it, basing the adventures on father/son relationships and the grief related to it. Hell, look at why Magneto killed everyone in Ultimatum.
For those who haven’t read the original, the Iron Man narration boxes tell the story about how Tony Stark met a young boy named Sam in a hospital who was dealing with cancer. It was the boy’s horrible experiences and eventual death that inspired Tony to become Iron Man and create the Ultimates. The whole overuse of Sam is beginning to dilute the message and the seriousness of it all, at least in my eyes. It makes me think of when Puff Daddy used to talk about Biggie Smalls so much that on one skit show, Jamie Foxx (I think) played the role of Puffy and would randomly start pointing up and yelling about Biggie. The crowd laughed pretty hard at this, showing that the whole thing has resorted to becoming self-parody. It’s disheartening to see that this is the direction Jeph Loeb has been leading into.
It’s a touchy subject, but I wanted to get it off my chest.
Enough about the serious stuff. Let’s move to stupid stuff, like Farmville.
Thanks to ManiacClown, who spent WAAAAY too long working on that Farmville image. Join us next time as the big villain shows up and more sex is had. No, not by the villain. Maybe in the next issue.
Our last installment featured the end of the Ultimates vs. Defenders fight with Son of Satan stealing Mjolnir from a very stupid Valkyrie and then escaping with the rest. Meanwhile, Thor has gotten bored of being king of the mountain and wants to escape the land of the dead. Hela will grant him that wish, but she wants something in return.
This first page might be a little not-work-safe.
Real talk: despite all the crap I give Loeb, I found the original scene between Tony and Carol to be really well-written.
Thanks to ManiacClown, who can’t get past how much Ka-Zar looks like Skwisgaar Skwigelf from Metalocalypse. Join us tomorrow as we finish that scene, get an aside from Captain America and Zarda, then see what Ka-Zar and Shanna are up to.
