Oh yes, it is that time again! Time for your favorite feature and mine, Who Would Win In A Fight!

If you’re new to the blog, WWWIF is a semi-regular (read: whenever I remember to do it) feature where I put some thought toward non-standard comics fights. No Superman vs Batman, Thing vs Hulk, or Spider-Man vs Blue Beetle here, no sirree. These are the fights that are important. If you want to read the previous entires in this battle, click the “Who Would Win In a Fight” category link over to your right, or click here.

Er, now that I click the link myself, I see that there is only one other fight. Oops! Well, here’s a second. Onward!

Kitty “Shadowcat” Pryde vs Jubilation “Jubilee” Lee!
“I was the first and the best, Jubilee! You’re going down!”
“Pfft, I’m shoor, old-timer. As if.”

Kitty and Jubes have a lot in common. They’re both teenaged sidekicks. They both had to fight to stay on the X-Men. Kitty Pryde had her “Professor Xavier is a JERK!” and was Jubilee ever an official X-Man? Wolverine has a paternal relationship with both of them, even going so far as to drag them along on trips to Japan, Madripoor, and who knows where else.

It’s kind of interesting in how they differ in their relationships with the other X-Men. Kitty’s “mother,” for lack of a better word, is Ororo “Storm” Munroe. They have a great and nurturing relationship going. Of course, Kitty also dated Peter “Colossus” Rasputin for a good long while, turning Peter into not only a mutant hated and feared by a world he’s sworn to protect, but a probable sex offender.

Jubilee, however, is a bit more rough. She’s been openly jealous of many of the X-Women’s X-Bodies, she used to hate Psylocke’s ninja-kicking, bathing-suit-for-a-uniform-wearing, race-changing guts, and for a little bit she had something of a crush on Gambit, even if she would never admit it. Also, she called Longshot “Blonde Jovi” once and wondered how he got into the X-Men.

Kitty Pryde has enjoyed no small amount of popularity. I mean, and I’m not trying to be mean here, but she’s tailored to be someone’s dream girl. I’m sure you know what I mean. She’s a collection of traits that make people go “Ooh, awesome!” She’s consistently cute, super-smart, has ninja skills, is great with computers, and isn’t so hoity-toity that she won’t date a normal guy like you Doug Ramsey. I mean, that’s not even touching on the Agent of SHIELD stuff, Excalibur, Mekanix, or any of the other awful things she’s done or been through over the years. She’s got baggage. Now, she’s in Joss Whedon’s Astonishing X-men, hardcore-ing it up, slapping Emma Frost around, and getting all the good lines. It’s worth noting that Kitty’s current and original costume are classics, but every single costume she had in between these two have actually been worse than every costume the Wasp has had. That is an incredible accomplishment. Even when she’s screwing up, she’s perfect at it.

Jubilee, on the other hand, hasn’t. She was in Generation X for a while, then that got canceled, and then she lost her powers during House of M. She had a good run in X-Men, though, and I hear that her stuff during Wolverine’s solo series was great, but I haven’t read it yet. She was pretty awesome in the X-Men tv show, too. The yellow trenchcoat is bright enough to be blinding. The “Jubilee” earrings are a nice touch, too, but the bright pink shirt and ’90s shorts that go up to her armpits are awful. I’m kind of glad that those got dropped, costume-wise. Shorts don’t belong above your belly button.

Jubilee is another of those characters with “hidden potential.” She could theoretically kill people with her “pafs,” but tends to shy away from doing such a thing. Even better, I read somewhere that she is technically splitting atoms on a subatomic level, which makes her a nuclear threat. When properly unleashed, she is crazy powerful. She blew up the Mandarin’s boat back during the bit when Jubilee, Psylocke, and Wolverine were traipsing around Southeast Asia. She’s an Olympic-level gymnast, too, and a decent fighter. This doesn’t stop the other X-Men from saving her on a daily basis. She’s gone toe-to-toe with The Hand, though, so she can’t be too bad. Then again, it is The Hand. You can get a Hand membership out of a Crackerjacks box. Jubilee is also a walking and talking ’90s pop culture reference, and starred in a really, really bad Generation X TV pilot from the ’90s that I inordinately loved as a kid. It should’ve gone on to be a TV show, I’ll tell you what. It would’ve been bigger than Buffy.

Kitty Pryde’s abilities are pretty well-defined. All of them. Putting aside the ridiculous idea of “phasing between worlds” or whatever that was in X-Treme X-Men, she can phase herself and things she is in contact with through nearly any object. It’s been suggested that she can phase through anything but adamantium, too. She’s super smart and an expert computer user. She can hack and program and blah blah blah. She was an agent of SHIELD for a little bit, so she may even be government trained. She was possessed by Ogun, Wolverine’s former sensei, and had crazy ninja skills for a short while. Later on, according to Thomas Wilde, Warren Ellis realizes that “Kitty’s spent years and years being taught how to fight hand-to-hand by one of the scariest bastards on Earth.” So, sup crazy fighting skills! Also, she can phase just enough that she can walk on air.

Yes, she can fly. She also has a pet dragon. Cripes. She probably isn’t a long-lost princess, though.

Taken head to head, this would be an interesting and pretty short battle. Kitty could just grab Jubilee and half-phase her into a rock or something. Jubilee probably couldn’t open up full bore on Kitty the way she needs to do in order to win the fight, so it’d devolve to hand-to-hand… against a ninja master who can turn intangible. Jubilee is agile, so she could probably dodge a few hits, but Kitty is super smart, can walk on air, and has crazy fight training. Jubilee could use her fireworks to blind Kitty and get in some good hits, but all Kitty has to do is turn intangible and nothing Jubilee throws would land. It is worth noting that Kitty can still see when she’s phased, which means a couple things. One, light can still strike her eyes (and the rest of her, since she doesn’t turn invisible). That means she still has some form of solid matter. Two, if light can strike her eyes, Jubilee’s pafs might have the impact of actual matter. Gavok thinks that Jubes may even be able to induce seizures in Kitty. Even if she can’t, having fireworks going off in your brain can’t be a good thing.

Basically, what I’m trying to say is that, six times out of ten, Kitty Pryde would probably beat the bone marrow out of Jubilee and then invent a cure for cancer, AIDS, and the common cold out of that bone marrow, all the while singing the Star-Spangled Banner.

…

Final Verdict: Jubilee wins by authorial fiat.

Thanks for reading!

(edit: T’Shan was not BP’s sister. Shuri is.)

To our readers from When Fangirls Attack!– welcome! Check out the post and don’t be afraid to leave a comment, okay? Onward.

It’s been a long time, I shouldn’t have left you,
Without a strong rhyme to step to.
Think of how many weak shows you slept through,
Time’s up! I’m sorry I kept you!
–Rakim

Man, this article is crazy late, isn’t it? Just, uh, six months or so.

It’s late for a number of reasons. I’ve been trying to ramp up my writing career, which means more time writing about games, less about comics. Did it work? Well, I’m no longer living paycheck to paycheck, but talk to me in another six months.

The number one reason why it’s late, other than business and laziness, is that it is hard as crap to find good black female characters in recent comics. I mean, Monica Rambeau had a bit part in Black Panther and I’m not much for Nextwave’s portrayal of her, so she doesn’t really count. There was the great-granddaughter (grandniece?) of Jim Harper in Robinson’s Batman: Face-the-Face, but, uh, she had maybe nine panels of dialogue total, and that’s probably being generous. I’m not as familiar as I should be with Milestone’s work (beyond Static), so I wouldn’t feel comfortable putting any of those characters on this list. Bishop’s daughter in X-Men: The End has three strikes against her. 1) She’s Bishop’s daughter. 2) She’s in X-Men: The End. and 3) She’s Bishop’s daughter and is in X-Men: The End. Onyx is kind of cool, but I know exactly nothing about her and she got punked by Jason Todd so she’s out. Pantha, according to Wikipedia, is black, but, again, I know nothing about her. Thunder, from Outsiders? No thanks, hoss.

So… this is going to be a little different. It’s a top three because, frankly, there aren’t enough good black female characters out there. I’d include Glory Grant, ’cause she’s pretty awesome, but when’s the last time you saw her in a comic that wasn’t Civil War Frontline #10? (Nice guest spot, even if it was only a panel.) A better question– how many of you even remember who Glory Grant is? Monica Lynne is in the same situation. Charlotte Jones? Same deal.

I entertained the possibility of putting Monet St Croix on her, at least partially because I really enjoy her character. But, that’d make this a top 4 and these lists are traditionally either top three, top five, or top multiple of five. Four is right out.

So, a top three. But, I’m telling you, I better see some awesome black females over the next year or I’m going to do something reprehensible! I mean, black females in comics are like black head coaches in the NCAA!

zing!
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BLADE

Tomb of Dracula #10 (1973)

“They call me… Blade! Blade the Black Agent X!”

Times change, don’t they? The story that introduces Blade doesn’t so much go into his background, other than his hobby of offing vampires. He takes care of some of Dracula’s henchmen early on and then fights the big bad on a cruise ship. When Dracula has things won, one of his mind-controlled lady victims comes to jump his bones. This distracts Dracula enough that Blade can get back up. Dracula makes the decision to leave, though the boat will explode in moments. Blade tosses everyone off the boat and makes it to safety himself, knowing that he and Dracula will fight again one day.

BLINK

Uncanny X-Men #317 (1994)

Before Blink was well-known for her role in Age of Apocalypse and Exiles, she showed up in regular 616 continuity as part of the Phalanx Covenant. Along with members of Generation X, she finds herself captured by the Phalanx.

When attacked by a being named Harvest, Blink uses her power to teleport him away while tearing him apart. Other than that, she follows the others as they attempt to escape, knowing that the Phalanx was unable to find a way to dampen their powers.

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Sorry for being a week late. The holidays drained me faster than a three-way with Rogue and Parasite. …Please pretend I didn’t just say that.

THE BEYONDER

Secret Wars II #1 (1985)

We start out with another iffy entry. The Beyonder was present during the first Secret Wars. That’s obvious. It’s just that at no point did he actually appear. That didn’t happen until the horrifying sequel. We know him for his silly disco outfit, but that wasn’t what he originally showed up in.

I like it. We see him talking with the Molecule Man, who tries to explain things to him in a way that is admirably calm and casual. Molecule Man and Volcana send Beyonder on his way as he takes a more subtle form on his quest for experience. This form is of Molecule Man himself. He proceeds to turn a desk into apples, turns a fat television writer into a super-villain and then turns invisible and follows Captain America around for the hell of it.

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There is an interesting bit of discussion going on over at Blog@Newsarama over the very same comments Joe Q made that I linked a couple days ago. Click over and read it. The comments thread is more interesting than the Bendis Board reports, because a couple interesting tangents have popped up. I’m reproducing a response of my own here because, 1) just spent a long bloody time typing it up while sitting in bed, 2) I kind of like it, and 3) “Joe Questrawman” is positively inspired at this time of day night and I feel like patting myself on the back for thinking of it in my addled state.

I come in with my is-allnow-comics zen at comment 14. Read the rest of the thread, too, though. It’s got some long posts, but interesting ones. I try to present both sides equally because, even though I may give DC a lot of crap (some of it is even deserved), I still love a lot of their comics, you know? I may not have spent my time in elementary school thinking up awesome Batman stories like I did with Spidey, but a lot of the characters are near and dear to my heart.

(Spider-Man is still better, though :spidey:)

One day, I will write on this blog about things that aren’t superheroes, I promise. I think I’m still in Wally Sage/Flex Mentallo mode, though. Morrison’s good comics are like mental viruses.

Anyway, read. feel free to discuss below or over on Blog@. It’s a conversation I’m quite interested in.
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— Dinosaur Comics is one of the hands-down funniest webcomics out. Here is my favorite strip. It is a comic about the male gaze (yes, that male gaze) as explained by a neon green t-rex. The red-tinted text is the devil speaking. Enjoy!

— I’m a Wonder Woman fan for very specific stories, and Amazons Attack sounds like one of those stories! Plus, Pete Woods and Will Pfiefer are great together. I’m not sure why they’re attacking, or how, since I could’ve sworn that the Amazons disappeared to another dimension or oblivion along with the Greek gods and didn’t exist any more, but okay. I do like that Pfiefer is going to focus on the foot soldiers, though. That sort of thing has always been more interesting to me.

— Amazons Attack is a great title and I’m glad that they’re actually going to use it. It really, really needs an exclamation point, though. 4thletter!. Amazons Attack!. It’s dynamic, exciting, and cool. Very Silver Age.

— Paul Pope is one of my favorite creators. He is definitely among my ever-growing Top Five Favorite (I’m up to 150!). He has a must-read blog. He’s got a lot of Kirby-related shots up. A little bit of FF, a bit of OMAC (a little Erica in my life). Their styles couldn’t be more different, but both bring a large amount of energy into the fray. Their figures pop off the page. Pope’s OMAC story in his issue of SOLO was great, great stuff. I’ll admit that I haven’t read any of THB (much to my chagrin), but I own 100% (brilliant comics) and One Trick Rip-Off in trade, 3/4 of Batman: Year 100 (and I will buy that trade when it hits), and his issue from Spider-Man: Tangled Web. I love his indie and superhero work equally and I eagerly await everything he puts out. Anyway, read the blog. The stuff about the Batman typeface is fascinating.

— This is an odd thought, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Jack Kirby-drawn Batman. I think at the point when Kirby hit DC, Batman was enjoying the new and gritty revamp, so his style might not have fit? I’d kind of like to see his Bats.

— The 4l crew, as far as we know, are all going to be in full effect at New York Comic-con, Feb 23-25. We’ve got the hotel room booked, flights scheduled, and money saved for getting on a jet plane. See you there? Quite possibly!

— Brian Vaughan’s The Escapists, with art from Phil Bond/Steve Rolston/Shawn Alexander turned out really, really well. Excellent book and possibly my pick for miniseries of the year. Christos Gage and Mike Perkins’s Union Jack, from Marvel, was another surprise hit. It was kind of delightful in a superspy action movie kind of way. The end bit with Sabra and Arabian Knight both not being willing to let go of their prejudices, despite a grudging respect between the two, was pretty well-written, too.

— Come to think of it, Gage wrote that pretty awesome Deadshot mini from a couple years back, too. Someone give him more work. Stormwatch is a start, okay?

— Is it possible to read too many comics? I’ve consistently cut boring or bad comics off my to-read list, so my reading habits are pretty healthy, but I think I try to read everything that’s good. Speaking of good, I think we’re due for a new volume of Naoki Urasawa’s Monster any week now…

— There is a game coming out pretty soon called Arthur and The Invisibles. It isn’t the picture to the left, there, in any way shape or form. It’s based on some movie or another, but I’m so disappointed that I don’t even want to see the flick or play the game! I mean, this thing right here is what you call a killer crossover. You get in the toddlers and youngsters and the dope-smoking smelly hippie crazies! I’d see it twice, even! Arthur Read meets Dane McGowan. The world would never be the same.

It’s Christmas time and 4th Letter is in the spirit!

See?

Over a year ago, a class act by the name of Chinaman7000 created a very special thread at the Something Awful sub-forum Batman’s Shameful Secret. Called “Let’s Ruin the Moment”, people would take an impacting moment or scene from comic history and meddle with it. You would see Ultimate Mr. Sinister shoving a content Ultimate Xavier down a wheelchair ramp or Tomorrow Woman’s dying words to Superman being about how much she saved with Geico. It’s very fun and at times incredibly funny.

I’ve made a lot of images for those threads (the first thread got too long) over the past year and two months. When I started, I didn’t have any decent image-manipulation programs, so I had to deal with MS Paint. It was a disaster. Then I got Paint Shop Pro. That was also a disaster. But eventually, my understanding of the program got better and I still use it today. I could get Photoshop like any other good citizen, but I have a strong case of Stockholm syndrome.

Because there are 4L readers here who haven’t paid the $10 to be part of the Something Awful forums, I decided that from time to time, I’d post a batch of these. At least mine and any that are made by people associated with me (like hermanos). I don’t want to be yelled at by anyone for Ebauming their images, but if anyone wants me to showcase their work, just give me a ring.

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NEWSARAMA.COM: NEW JOE FRIDAYS WEEK 26

I’m a Joe Quesada fan. There, I said it. I love reading his interviews because he combines straight shooting with marvelous hype. He said something in the latest NJF that, to me, highlights the difference between Marvel and DC.

Superman was the first, no one is arguing that. He was the very first to put on his underwear outside of his pants. He is the Elvis of comics. Sure, was his creation influenced by other sci-fi and classic stories that came before, of course it was, Elvis was influenced by early rhythm and blues. Much like Elvis, Superman and his compatriots shook up the comics world, in essence created it. He flew over tall buildings, he was the model on which every thing else would be built. Elvis shook his leg, greased back his pomp, and created the blueprint for what was to become Rock n’ Roll.

While Elvis had some incredible hits, as did Superman, the music was simple, quaint in many ways. Almost every Elvis song can be boiled down to three chords. We call it a 1-4-5 progression. They would just change the key, tempo, feel or melody in order to decorate it differently. Still, it was the music of its time and it was beautiful. Then in the 60s came this little group called the Beatles, they were funny, articulate, socially conscious and they spoke to us on a whole different level. The core of the relationship between the music and the listener was much deeper, more relatable.

More importantly however, they brought something else into the music. While they themselves worshipped Elvis and had their share of very early singles with the simple 1-4-5 progressions, they learned from their predecessor and built upon it. Suddenly, we were getting songs with minor chords, diminished sevenths, before you could even get accustomed to all of that, they layered harmonies and added orchestras to their compositions, it was a whole new world that was much more sophisticated than what Elvis had first presented. That’s no slight on Elvis, it’s what happens when art moves on.

To me, the creation of the Marvel hero is very much like this. It took what Superman and other DC greats made famous, in many cases lifted whole parts, and added layers never before seen. Heroes with problems, heroes with Achilles heels, heroes who didn’t always make the right decisions, heck, sometimes they didn’t even beat the bad guy. This was a huge variation in the theme, the defining moment for everything.

Today, we can listen to Elvis songs, and they sound great, but because of the simple quaintness of them, I don’t believe they hold up to today’s younger listeners in the same way that the songs of the Beatles and those that followed hold up. Yes, much like Superman, every once in a while, someone does a great cover of an Elvis tune, but, it’s more nostalgia than anything else. I think the Superman movie proved that as well. You watch that movie and put it up against either of the Spidey movies and it feels like the difference between introducing a kid to Pong vs. Wii.

There’s a reason Batman is the greatest DC hero, he’s the closest to the Marvel formula, but the rest of the DC universe I feel suffers from the same flaws as Superman. In his time, Superman spoke of the immigrant experience which was very important in America at the time, but he’s also a paternal figure where as Spider-Man is us. At his core, Superman is also actually a dishonest character in his make up. He has to create a persona in order to be accepted by the people around him, the same for Batman. That’s also an intrinsic difference between the Marvel and DC characters. Spider-Man is the façade, he’s the mask, Peter Parker is the real deal and if we could actually be superheroes, that’s exactly how it would happen and by virtue of that, makes Spider-Man truer.

By the way, if you disagree with this, that’s cool, but then you would have to argue as to why DC, since the inception of the Marvel Universe, has been trying to Marvelize their characters.

The Elvis/Beatles comparison is a good one, I think. Read the rest of the interview, it’s pretty good and has some nice teases.

That’s a damned good question, Michael. First appearing in the pages of 52 Week 8, Supernova’s since been a mystery. Where does he come from? What exactly are his powers? What is his role in the grand scheme of things? And just who is this guy?

First, let’s take a look at Supernova’s various appearances up to this point:

Week 8: Over the course of several days, we see the first appearances of this red, white and blue stranger. On Day 3, he appears before an old woman and her grandchild, glows real bright and brings them across the street before they can be crushed by a falling monorail. The next day, he appears among firemen who are about to get crushed by falling debris. Glowing brightly once more, the new hero makes the debris vanish. The next day we get reports of him cleanly shearing a gunman’s rifle in half, as well as saving one woman’s daughter from a riptide. Booster Gold, whose image has just been destroyed a week earlier, rants about this new character in front of one Clark Kent.

Week 10: Clark Kent, having just been fired at the Daily Planet, sees Supernova flying around the city. With sudden inspiration, he hops out the window and freefalls. Supernova swiftly catches him, assures him of his safety and asks if he’s okay. Clark pulls out a tape recorder and asks for an interview. As Clark later explains to Lois, they didn’t get too far before seeing Bahdnesian terrorists stealing a military all-terrain vehicle. Supernova puts down Clark and uses his glowing power (which Clark describes as “peculiar eyebeams”) to take away the pavement under the vehicle, locking it into the ground. Supernova poses and answers a couple questions from Clark, trying hard to conceal himself. He sees a child almost walk into the hole in the ground, teleports in a bright light and appears in front of the child. The way he responds to the boy shows that he has some semblance of a personality under the mask. Clark tells Lois that he believes that Supernova’s on the level and that he has an air of experience about him. Elsewhere, Booster is growing more and more frustrated, while Skeets admits that even he doesn’t know who Supernova is from his historical files.

Week 15: The big one. Booster takes on a giant sea monster in the middle of Metropolis. He fails pretty badly, including a bit where he causes a massive power outage. Supernova flies in, soars to the monster and with a bright blast, zaps him away. Supernova offers his hand to Booster and makes a comment about Booster not caring about the people he saves. Noticeable frown under the mask. Booster snaps and tackles Supernova. The two brawl, showing that Supernova is at least strong enough to trade fists with Booster. Supernova’s only use of powers are to momentarily blind Booster. Supernova highly disapproves of Booster, saying he’s too pathetic to be considered a joke. Skeets mentions a radiation leakage. Supernova wants to stop it, but Booster sucker-punches him and tries to stop it himself. Beaming at his return to greatness, Booster saves everyone, but is engulfed in an explosion. Supernova, shocked, flies upwards and catches Booster’s body. To the horror of Clark and the noticeable surprise of Skeets, Booster Gold is just a skeleton in futuristic tights.

It’s worth noting that there were two alternate endings to this issue. In one ending, Booster turns to dust upon landing in Supernova’s arms. In the other, there is no radiation leakage. Supernova tries to teleport Booster back a few feet. At the same time, Booster turns on his force field. The result causes Booster to be cut in half. A horrified Supernova swears he didn’t mean for it to happen and Clark Kent believes him. Supernova covers one half of Booster with his cape while Clark uses his jacket on the other half.

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(This was pointed out by my longtime buddy Mark Poa)
There is something interesting going on in Russia! This is a shot of Vladimir Putin touring a new defense intelligence building in Moscow. Notice anything familiar? Holy Red Son Batman, is that symbol really what I think it is? Did the Russians really grow their own Batman and put him in charge of DI? Note how they are all looking down at the emblem.

They are giving the Bat his due honor.

Article from the BBC here.