Because they can’t marry anyone else.

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I don’t “get” the Joker. I know he’s Batman’s greatest villain, but I don’t exactly understand why. I find Riddler infinitely more interesting, and think that he’d be a great foil for a man who honed his mind and body into the peak of human condition or whatever.

Anyway, the Joker is the epitome of my problem with Batman’s villains. He’s ca-razy, coocoogococonuts, and insane. He does what he does because he hates Batman, or loves him, depending on your interpretation. That’s basically my least favorite motivation for a villain. At least Lex Luthor believes in the inherent superiority of mankind (Luthorkind). Joker just wants to be crazy.

Luckily, this is comics and there are a number of different Jokers I can pick from. The Joker Alan Davis wrote in The Nail was singularly spiteful, and the end point of where I see the “regular” Joker going.

I really, really like Dandy Joker, as played by Cesar Romero in Batman or my good friend Emily Stackhouse of Writer’s Old Fashioned. You can actually see everything I love about Dandy Joker in her pose. It’s relaxed, fun, and most of all, funny. This Joker does things because it is hilarious. Acid in the face? Joker fish? It is all good, it is all in fun, and if a few dozen people die during it… that’s even funnier. Man falls down and sprains his ankle? Sad. Man falls down a manhole? Funny. Man falls down a manhole into a sewer full of grinning crocodiles painted like clowns and dressed like the Daughters of the American Revolution?

That’s amore.

This brings me around to Brian Azzarello and Lee Bermejo’s Joker. I’m not really here to review it, other than to say that I enjoyed it like I’ve enjoyed Azz’s other work, but the Joker they portrayed was really interesting to me.

Instead of being the invincible super crazy clown prince of crime, Azz’s Joker is a broken man. He refers to his years in Arkham as the time he was “gone,” and seems hesitant to say that he is crazy. Other people believe he’s crazy, but the only ones that knows the truth are the narrator of the book and Joker’s silent Gal Friday, Harley Quinn.

There’s a scene in the book that solidified my feelings about the Joker in general. The narrator is walking past the Joker’s room, and he sees Joker collapsed on the ground, hugging Harley Quinn, and just going to pieces. This is a Joker I like. He isn’t superhuman. He knows exactly what he’s doing. But, he’s trapped in a prison of his own design.

My idea about this is that the Joker got stuck in his own gimmick. At first, he’d do something crazy to get someone off his back. It was so outlandish and insane that he had to keep it up, or else people would know he was soft. And when you’ve made a living out of being the hardest man around… you can’t afford that.

So, he’s trapped. He can never escape, because escaping means it’s game over. At the same time, Batman is the only one who can save him. The Joker does all this stuff to get Batman’s attention to be put back into jail and away from a place where he has to keep up the facade.

I kind of like a pathetic Joker. It isn’t something I’d like to see always, but it’s a very human and believeable take.

As far as silent moll Harley Quinn goes… wow! I didn’t think I’d dig the take, but it worked out really, really well. In a way, she was one of the most threatening people in the book, and I think it’s because she never spoke. She’s that Stand By Your Man girl. She’s there for support, and sometimes support means machinegunning a dozen people and skinning a man alive. It’s a little scary, and the silence means we get no insight into her character. We just know she likes luxury and stands by the Joker, no matter what. I’m such a stan for Harley, though.

Like I said, nothing I want to see constantly, but a fun little peek into an alternate take. Frank Miller’s not-funny Joker in ASBAR was another one I liked, because it made super murderous Joker into something inhuman, interesting, and actually kind of scary, if more than a little overwrought.

I’d love it if Genocidal Kills a Thousand People a Day Joker retired forever. It’s by far my least favorite Joker, and the least original take on the character I can think of. I like a Joker that goes deeper than just “Waheyhey CRAZY! BY THE WAY I JUST KILLED A MILLION PEOPLE BATMAN WHATCHA GONNA DO HUH?”

At that point, Batman should just take one for the team and give Joker accidentally beat Joker until nothing’s left but a puddle of blood. That Joker isn’t doing anything but hurting Batman as a character. Someone break his neck or toss him down a deep hole or just shoot him in the face, seriously.

And let the Riddler take his place.

(what kind of world is it where i’m the guy wanting less murders in comics?)

Well, it is. That’s actually what it stands for. Join me in wishing our very own David “hermanos/black dub/4thletter/guerilla grodd” Brothers a happy 25th birthday!

I myself will wish him a happy birthday… with jazz!

Also, I’ve mixed his tendency to discuss race with my tendency to talk about absurd and nostalgic things and bring you this clip.

I can’t say enough good things about the man, and I’m tired, so I’m not even going to start. I’ll just call him a complete class act and leave it at that.

Happy Birthday, my friend. Now go watch that CHIKARA DVD I gave you, you lazy jerk!

Listen y’all, here go the moral of the story.

Bonny Blue Beetle is dead and gone. He’s joined the ranks of Firestorm (35 issues), Spider-Girl (130ish issues), Checkmate (31 issues), Manhunter (30-odd issues), Catwoman (82 issues), The Order (10 issues), Blade (12 issues), and dozens of other critically acclaimed victims of the direct market. All of these, excepting I think Catwoman, fell prey to the doom of all comics: low sales. Sales spike every once and a while, but comics generally sell less each month.

Now, the question isn’t whether or not these comics are dead. That’s obvious– they are, and they aren’t coming back. And if they do come back, they’ll just pull a Manhunter and bite it again six issues later.

No, the question is who killed Blue Beetle, and when?

Most people would say DC Comics killed it. They didn’t market it right, they didn’t give it enough of a chance, maybe they should have eaten their losses, maybe so-and-so (Blue Beetle) can join one of the worst written books in the line (Teen Titans), and so on. If only DC Comics had done their job, things would be okay!

I think the answer is a bit more obvious than that. Who killed Blue Beetle? Comic fans did.

Looking at the top 300 books for September 08 tells me one thing. There are exactly two books in the top 20 that fall into the critically acclaimed column– All-Star Batman and All-Star Superman. Those don’t count, though, since they have big names attached and are tentpole titles. I had to drop down to #41 to find another one of those books (Incredible Hercules), #61 for the next (Nova), #69 for another (Captain Britain), and it stays dire after that. Blue Beetle came in at #161, with around twelve thousand sales.

The “Blame DC” model tends to work in the “If you build it, they will come” model. However, DC built Blue Beetle. They made it easy to get into and it tied into a few of their big events (Infinite Crisis, Sinestro Corps, and Countdown). It was fun and funny. They did their job. Why didn’t it work out and go on for 800 issues? (My question is ‘why should it?’ but that’s another post entirely.)

It didn’t work because of comics fans.

Comics publishers push a certain subset of their books as being very Important and Essential and Vital to Understanding the Future of the ______ Universe. “This is the story you need to read,” they tell you. “This is the story I need to read!” you respond.

And that’s how Ultimates 3, a book that I have yet to see one person say was worth the 2.99 online or in real life, sells ten times as many comics as Blue Beetle, a book that everyone supposedly loves.

Every time a new event is announced, comic fans grumble. “Ugh, I have to read all these books to know about the Marvel Universe?” I was in the room at New York Comic-con ’07 when World War Hulk was announced… two days after Civil War #7 shipped. The room didn’t cheer. There were no excited “WHOO!”s going on. There were some polite claps. Everyone was tired of events. “Event fatigue.”

World War Hulk came and went and was a big success. Big surprise there. Event fatigue must be a myth, because people grumble every time one is announced and then it goes on to become a sales juggernaut.

Comics companies have learned that if you say that something will change everything forever, or feature a character death, or kickstart a new and important story, comics fans will eat it up.

Blue Beetle, despite its original positioning, was not Important. It was about a kid from El Paso who was wrestling with a hero’s life. Catwoman was about a morally gray woman who wanted to look out for herself and her child while pulling off some cool heists. Spider-Girl was the last vestige of ’90s Marvel.

They are separate from the main continuity. New Krypton has no ties to Jaime Reyes down in Texas. Selina Kyle doesn’t even know Black Lanterns exist. Spider-Girl can’t factor into Secret Invasion. So, these books are unimportant. You can get the whole story by reading the Important books, why should you bother with these stories that don’t have nothing to do with nothing?

Do you see what I’m getting at here?

Companies realized that comic fans will eat up that continuity porn garbage rather than read an irrelevant story, no matter how good. People would rather see a halfway decent Batman story than a great one featuring anyone else.

New Krypton has so far resurrected a couple of Golden Age heroes (one of them over Grant Morrison’s wonderful Manhattan Guardian), killed Pa Kent, shipped two specials, re-introduced Nightwing and Flamebird (don’t ask who they are, you mean you don’t know already?) and gotten down to tying all of the Superman books together into one tightly packed ball of continuity.

Geoff Johns’s JSA has been talking about Kingdom Come for what feels like eight years already, but that’s impossible because the series hasn’t even been around for two years yet. Final Crisis is setting up some big new status quo that we don’t even know the details of yet, and Secret Invasion is getting us ready for Dark Reign, where Norman Osborn runs SHIELD and Iron Man is on the run.

Green Lantern is busy turning space cats into murderous vomit fetishists and naming villains things like Atrocitus and Kryb and Spacehitlersiegheil so as to set up Blackest Night, where a bunch of dead characters will come back and have their own space laser rings so they can shoot the people with other space laser rings of other colors until Hal Jordan gets one of each ring and becomes the White Lantern, the greatest of them all, and we will all learn a very valuable lesson about controlling our emotions, but not being afraid to feel, at the end of the day.

And all of these stories will sell 100k copies a month while other series die on the vine.

Basically, us comics fans got the comics industry we deserve. Why? Because we care about important books.

This is the industry we’ve built.

Pros: It’s fun. And crazy. And consciously so. At one point Batman is fighting a robot. He takes his belt, snaps it out straight, pulls a sword out of the straightened belt, slashes the robot into pieces, re-inserts the sword into the belt, and wraps the belt around his waist again. Because if anything can come out of Batman’s utility belt, the show’s writers might as well make it the looniest thing possible.

The show pokes fun at both itself and the old tropes of comics. What’s great about this is the show manages the trick of making the self-mockery add to the story, not deflate it. When a baby alien gives the Blue Beetle a picture it drew of it and the Blue Beetle holding hands, the ridiculousness of the scene makes it all the more touching.

It’s a comics trivia-lover’s paradise. It has an unlimited cast, a thousand and one references, and even manages to sneak tributes into the style of animation

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I realize that the Bat-books are Esther’s purview, but I have a very, very important question here. What is going on in this panel?

Near as I can tell, Nightwing is torturing info out of a crook by pouring honey over his head and therefore tempting rats into eating him? Is that it? I just don’t understand.

This is the most remarkable thing in the book, by the way– the other highlights are Nightwing’s computer password (“big top”) and Two Face’s plan to terrorize New York by throwing giant bags of (scarred) pennies off the Empire State Building.

It’s all played perfectly straight. Terrible.

Well, it’s official. The Blue Beetle comic is cancelled. Damn. As always, after a book I love is cancelled, survivor guilt kicks in. Why didn’t I recommend it more? Why didn’t I blog about it more? What could I have done? At this point the best I can do is eulogize a bit, and hold out hope for the future.

I am going to miss this book a great deal. It had a spirit that wasn’t like any other book out there. How many books out there are composed, nearly entirely, of decent characters? Not ‘decent’ as in multi-faceted characters that have a sense of coherency but can still surprise you, although the book was full of those, as well. ‘Decent’ as in genuinely good people using their skills to do the right thing as much as they could.

Even the most enduring *villain* in the Blue Beetle is a decent person with reasons for doing what she does. Not Lex Luthor reasons: he wants to take down Superman as a way to show humanity that they need to think for themselves and not put all their trust in heroes they know nothing about. Genuine reasons: It’s a hard world out there and she wants to make a good life for herself and her family, and she’s willing to use shady means to do it.

All the characters are like this. There are no neglectful, stupid, or cruel parents, no mindlessly nattering siblings, no manufactured high school cliques. Everyone in this series is simply trying to do their best, and that makes their failures more tragic, and their victories more inspiring.

It’s not just the characters. The first twenty-five issues are what I’d give to anyone if I wanted to show the perfect epic story. It works on the technical level. Each piece of the final puzzle is given to us separately, each with its own, interesting story. At the end, they all fit together into a coherent picture that makes sense, even though we didn’t see it coming. There is a recognizable arc for each main character. It follows the rules of an exciting adventure story – building up the odds until it looks like the hero can’t possibly win, and then showing us how yes, he can, we just didn’t notice how.

But comics books aren’t read because they’re a technical exercise. The amazing part of the story is frustratingly indescribable. All I can say is that most comics readers have come to accept that the best part of a story arc will come at the beginning. Most comics are built on a premise, not a conclusion. We are meant to enjoy the ride, and we do, but there is something fantastic that happens when a comic, or any story, can dazzle us with cute concepts along the way and then reach a conclusion that is more than the sum of its parts. I was amazed by the depth, the artistry, and the emotional payoff of the those issues.

The first four trades of The Blue Beetle, Shellshocked, Road Trip, Reach For The Stars, and End Game are for sale. I would recommend them to anyone. I recommend them to you.

But what’s next for Jaime Reyes and the Blue Beetle? Well, Batman: The Brave and The Bold airs tonight on Cartoon Network, and the first episode is called The Rise of the Blue Beetle. At San Diego this year, presenters said that Blue Beetle toys tested as well as Batman toys.

Perhaps we will soon see the Return of the Blue Beetle, as a show on Cartoon Network, or as a comic book aimed for younger audiences. I’m hoping for both, but I’ll have especially high expectations of the comic. DC’s comics aimed at kids have been almost universally excellent. And who knows, maybe a fresh start, free of the continuity hassles that came with Infinite Crisis and the shadow of Ted Kord (whom I also love), the Blue Beetle will thrive, hooking new readers and ensuring its long-term survival.

What can I say? I’m an optimist.

Yesterday’s installment featured what was essentially the Ultimate Super-Villain Team-Up getting taken down a peg. Speaking of villains, it’s time to reveal who’s behind the events of Ultimatum. It’s going to be a huge surprise if you ignore every single shred of hype for this godawful comic.

That’s enough for now. Maniac Clown and I will be back next time. Finch is good with deadlines, right? So it isn’t going to take nearly a year like the last time?

Once again, please give our iRiff take on Superman in Japoteurs a look. It’s only a dollar. Scratch that, it’s 99 cents! See? We’re trying to trick you into thinking that you’re paying for something that isn’t really a dollar when it kinda just is!

I think I’m doing this wrong.

Week 2!

Batman’s life is one of sustained tragedy. His loved ones will suffer, his path will be lonely, his city will see terror and destruction again and again, his friends will pull away from him, and no matter how hard he fights or what battles he wins, crime will always be present in the darkened alleys of Gotham City.

And this is a good thing. We read Batman comics for a certain noir tone, and that means corruption and cynicism and the looming threat of tragedy. When you give that up – well, just look at some of the Batman covers from back in the sixties.

There are other reasons for the fatalistic tone of Batman comics. A huge event happens, Batman plans a counter-attack. He hits it with everything he has, all his allies, all his tech, and wins. And then he sits around sprucing up the Batcave for the next year and a half, while the police easily handle the minor criminals in Gotham and the press cheerily reports the massive drop in crime. Comics are an ongoing form of entertainment, and there always needs to be something more to do, some evildoer left unvanquished.

At the same time, I would like to see a girlfriend introduced and not think, ‘which is it going to be, evil or dead?’ Or see an event come up that means something other than a body count. I’d like to see a few battles unequivocally won. I remember seeing The Batman/Superman Adventures animated series while I was a kid, and I was thinking, recently, how the comics are a little too dark and too traumatic to be labeled as ‘Adventures’ anymore. I think I would enjoy a little less noir and a little more adventure stories, even when it comes to Batbooks.

I also have no doubt that some people want the series to get a lot darker, but I wonder, at what point do you have to break the tone of the series to get a little more variety in your stories?

Remember yesterday when the Fantastic Four pushed a bunch of water back into the ocean and then Reed went after Namor? I don’t either.

Now Reed and Namor’s fight is heating up. Let’s see where it goes.

But first, a warning. You know how I’ve been replacing narration boxes with character theme songs? Well, funny thing, Dr. Doom doesn’t have a theme song. Not unless you count his Capcom fighting game theme, but that doesn’t have lyrics. I had to go an alternate route. Now enjoy the rest of the show!

ManiacClown actually did stuff this time, so I thank him for it. Speaking of he and I teaming up, I got some very good news.

Our Japoteurs iRiff page is finally up! Hells yes!

If you enjoyed Ultimate Edit and what’s done so far of Ultimatum Edit, please give it a look. If you’re a fan of Mystery Science Theater 3000, definitely give it a look. It’s only a buck and the riffing is embedded into the movie already. C’moooon! Do it!

Back to the Edit, tomorrow we finish up the week with Charles Xavier explaining it all.

Day Seven!