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The Version of World War Hulk I Kind of Want To See

May 22nd, 2007 by | Tags: , , , , , ,

As inspired by a post on Higher Voltage, I present to you: World War Hulk, the Vastly Abridged Version Where Things Actually Do Change Somehow.

(Honestly, at this point, the best thing for the Marvel Universe would probably be the Hulk killing off half of their established cast to thin the herd, but there’s a goddamn Iron Man movie coming out, so that can’t happen…)

HULK: I am incredibly angry for a variety of really good reasons!
MARVEL UNIVERSE: …ohhhh shit.
HULK: My first target: Dr. Strange!
DR. STRANGE: Hey, remember that time in the ’80s when you became mindlessly berserk?
JOE QUESADA: No.
DR. STRANGE: Not you, him.
HULK: Sort of.
DR. STRANGE: Okay, check this out.

[HULK charges DR. STRANGE, who opens a PORTAL to the CROSSROADS DIMENSION.]

HULK: …oh, goddammit.

[HULK has an INTERDIMENSIONAL ADVENTURE which ENDS poorly because TONY STARK is a COCKBITE. Nearly crippled with loss, HULK finds his way back to EARTH.]

HULK: All right, now all you fuckers are dead—

[HULK charges DR. STRANGE, who opens a PORTAL to the CROSSROADS DIMENSION.]

HULK: FUCK!

[HULK has an INTERDIMENSIONAL ADVENTURE which ends when TONY STARK somehow DESTROYS the world that HULK has grown to LOVE. HULK returns to EARTH.]

HULK: RAAAAAARGH!

[HULK charges DR. STRANGE, who opens a PORTAL to the CROSSROADS DIMENSION. This happens SEVERAL MORE TIMES.]

HULK: …

[The sheer FORCE of HULK’S RAGE makes him BLOW OUT A VEIN, KILLING HIM.]

TONY STARK: Phew! Thanks, Dr. Strange!
DR. STRANGE: …you know, you’re an asshole.

[DR. STRANGE banishes TONY to the CROSSROADS DIMENSION.]

REED RICHARDS: Didn’t we need him to be the head of SHIELD?
DR. STRANGE: Eh, just train up a Skrull. We’ll be fine.

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Posted in comic books by Wanderer |

6 comments to “The Version of World War Hulk I Kind of Want To See”

  1. I’m sorry but everytime someone mentions the Crossroads Dimension that Strange banished the Hulk to, I always think of Easy E smiling down on us all.

         by Pedro Tejeda May 22nd, 2007 at 07:15 --replyReply to this comment

  2. We gotta see him at the Crossroads, so he won’t be lonely.

         by david brothers May 22nd, 2007 at 11:42 --replyReply to this comment

  3. This is an opportunity for Marvel to make Gavok deliriously happy.

    Have Hulk beat up everyone in Marvel (even Ben Grimm’s Aunt Petunia) within an inch of their lives… or afterlives… or whatever. And the one who saves the day? Deadpool! And not just that… Deadpool with a comically embarassing handicap (i.e. being three inches tall, having his left foot superglued to his right hand, suffering due to a stomach flu..)

         by W4 May 22nd, 2007 at 17:48 --replyReply to this comment

  4. Win

         by LurkerWithout May 22nd, 2007 at 21:41 --replyReply to this comment

  5. Just a note, Strange had to risk his own physical self to lure the mindless Hulk into a portal to the Crossroads of Reality. He didn’t just throw up the horns and wiggle his fingers and *poof* Hulk was gone. The same trick probably wouldn’t work on any reasonably intelligent Hulk.

         by Emperor Hulk May 22nd, 2007 at 23:24 --replyReply to this comment

  6. ^ Missing the point/joke

         by Toby Stokes July 18th, 2009 at 05:57 --replyReply to this comment