I’m one of those comic fans who tries not to allow himself to be dragged into the whole Marvel vs. DC argument based purely on the characters and being loyal to them. It’s all about the writers and the quality that comes with it. Sure, there are many times when the scale is skewed immensely, such as pre-Flashpoint when I was only reading a couple DC comics compared to now, but that’s on them. For the past 6-7 years, when you compare Marvel and DC, there’s no better writer sample size than Brian Michael Bendis and Geoff Johns. These two are the butt of a crazy amount of jokes about how they each write 80% of the comics of their respective companies.

Hell, I’m guilty of this myself. If they ever brought back Amalgam Comics, every issue would be written by Geoff Bendis.

They both have their strengths and weaknesses. I dropped all the Bendis Avengers books after growing impatient and realizing that the only reason I was reading them in the first place was because of enjoying what he used to write. At the same time, I’m really loving Ultimate Spider-Man and the whole Miles Morales experiment. With Johns, I lost complete interest in Justice League shortly after the origin arc, yet I eat up his Green Lantern and think his Sinestro is the most compelling character going in DC. Not that that’s hard, considering he has a head start over 95% of the New DC cast.

This isn’t so much a simple Bendis vs. John post, but more a comparison over something Johns does that I’ve always dug about his work and really helps earn him his spot as “that DC Comics guy”. It’s also something that I’ve found Bendis to almost get, only to drop the ball and go the opposite direction.

What I’m talking about is setting up a threat, usually in the first act, that allows the readers to say out loud, “These heroes are absolutely screwed.” This is a lot better as a selling point to a comic than “it’s important.”

I’m going to focus on the event storylines, since these are the ones given more emphasis and put under such a microscope that the two writers have to make extra sure that their threat is something that can’t simply be waved away.

I’m also going to skip over Avengers Disassembled and Green Lantern: Rebirth, since I don’t even really see those as events as just gigantic plot points meant to set up the next several years of storyline. Disassembled is something I read years after the fact and found it to be kind of a mess in terms of storytelling and Green Lantern: Rebirth was a big mess of retcons and reveals meant to pave the way for Johns’ lengthy run on the Lantern corner of the universe.

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Welp. Thirty more to go. Let’s do this!

30) Submissive Blind Al
Deadpool #15-17 (1998)
Writer: Joe Kelly

Deadpool’s relationship with Blind Al is completely weird, but it goes from being wacky on the outside to disturbing on the inside. Despite being Deadpool’s prisoner and a victim of plenty of abuse, we see the Wade/Al dynamic as little more than slapstick. It’s shown to be so cartoony that we aren’t even supposed to care that Deadpool – for whatever impaired reason – has an old woman held in his house against her will.

The seriousness doesn’t truly show itself until Deadpool’s breakdown, which as some of you can figure, is going to be popping up later on the list. The short of it is that Deadpool did some horrible stuff to Blind Al and we got a better scope of the dark history of their relationship. After a couple issues, Deadpool gets over what he’s done and tries to sweep it under the rug, much like he handles many of his mistakes, but Blind Al won’t let him.

Deadpool comes home from his latest meeting with LL&L, high off of his good guy potential, only to find that Al has cooked and cleaned. She closes the door to her room, saying nothing more than, “Good night… master.” Deadpool remembers how much of a tool he’s been.

He tries what he can to get a rise out of her and maybe get her to joke around like they used to, but all she does is act completely submissive to everything he says. She acts like his servant and refers to him as the master and herself as the prisoner. He knows he has to apologize, but like the Fonz, he just can’t bring himself to saying he was wrong.

Jayce Russel also loved this whole bit.

The entire situation with Blind Al is just full of awesome bits, but issue #17, the scene that starts with, “Will you shut up and talk back to me already?!,” and the two pages that follow of Blind Al beginning her elaborate plan to attack Deadpool with kindness kills my ass. The neatly hung Deadpool outfits, the alphabetized ammunition, the grating way she drops “master” in constantly, they’re all the slap in the face that Pool spent the whole series working his way towards. I honestly might prefer Al to DP, and this is one of those moments that explain it. The way an old blind lady gets under the skin of one of the world’s best mercenaries is well-written, amusing and, maybe most of all, kinda tugs at the heart. She obviously thinks somewhat fondly of Deadpool, or she’d not bother with trying to save him, and watching him stubbornly trudge past all hope for redemption until almost the bitter end? Now that’s a motherfucker.

When Deadpool receives Montgomery’s predictions on the future, he’s seemingly inspired to do the right thing. Al hears Deadpool hammering on a wall and finds that he’s been boarding up the Box – the room he’d use to torture Al – and that he genuinely is sorry for what he’s put her through lately. She snaps out of her ruse and embraces him, saying that this is a good start towards forgiveness. Deadpool tries to grant her freedom from this life he’s forced her into, but he’s cut off when Ajax teleports him away.

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I was thinking about a few things this weekend, and I realized that I have a superhero Type.

I’m partial to speedsters. I like all the Flashes, though Wally is the best, and I’m cool with Quicksilver. I even like Doc Rocket over in Youngblood and Velocity in Cyberforce.

There’s just something about someone whose power is to run fast that appeals to me. I like running, though I don’t do it often enough, but I don’t think it’s a “I wish I could do that!” sort of thing. I think it’s more that speedsters tend to have cool visual appearances. Of course, pretty much all of them have lightning bolts or red in their design somewheres, but the running always looks graet. Some get afterimages, some get blurs, and the best appear in single panel more than once and carry on conversations that way. The best of the best have smoking shoes.

I was going to say that my other Type was archery-based characters, but that isn’t true at all. I actively dislike Green Arrow, Red Arrow is the dumbest, and Speedy is annoying and terrible. Connor Hawke is interesting, though kind of a cipher. No, the Type I like are marksmen.

Hawkeye, Shaft (from Youngblood), Deadshot, Bullseye, and I’m sure there are others. They’re awesome. Anything in their hands is a deadly weapon, and trick shots are the order of the day. I like seeing the creativity you have to use when writing these guys. It isn’t enough to go “Oh, boxing glove arrow!” nowadays. Everyone’s seen that. What’s next?

I wasn’t a Hawkeye fan until recently. Fabian Nicieza wrote a pretty good (and short-lived) series a few years back, and Bendis started using him in his Avengers titles. Somewhere along the line, though, I must’ve become a fan, because this scene from SI #7 got a rise out of me:

How about the first page of Secret Invasion #5?

That issue had a lot of great moments in it. People were badass when needed, stuff blew up and Skrull Jewel stared horrified and confused at her green hands moments before a tiger mauled her to death. But this, this right here is the highlight for me.

It’s incredible that Mar-Vell and Norman Osborn are two guys who got killed off in the 70’s, but have done some spectacular stuff since their fan-reluctant resurrections. Right here, you’re looking at two of Marvel’s best characters at the moment. They’re both so damn intriguing.

Luckily, there is some news to cheer me up. Cheer you up too, if it suits you.

Time-Life is releasing every single freaking episode of Real Ghostbusters on DVD!

It’s about freaking time! I’m sick of those $6.99 discs that only have three random episodes on them. Leave those to die in the 80’s.

For the first time, all seasons of The Real Ghostbusters are available in one collection, on 25 DVDs.

– The original promotional pilot for The Real Ghostbusters, NEVER BEFORE AIRED
– 21 on-camera Commentary Tracks with producers, voice actors, writers, animators and production personnel
– 5 exclusive Documentaries
– 86 Episode Introductions
– 16-page booklets include episode synopses, trivia, and art for every episode!
– Plus Scripts, Storyboards, Image Galleries, Music & Effects Audio Tracks, and Much More!
– Interviews with J. Michael Straczynski (Writer & Story Editor), Maurice La Marche (Voice Of ” Egon Spengler”), Laura Summer (Voice Of First “Janine Melnitz”), Kath Soucie (Voice Of Second “Janine Melnitz”), and Many Others

Hells yes.

I apologize for my lack of updates lately. Truth is, I’m very sick right now. I’ve been sick this past week. It’s surprisingly hard to type up your thoughts on Director Bones when you keep coughing so hard and so often that your neck feels like its about to snap right off.

Give me a day or so. I’ll be back in form, writing long essays about Amalgam’s unbeatable monster villain “Red Monarch” or something equally retarded.

From this week’s Permanent Damage
:

Speaking of upheaval, all this, including the underlying idiot notion that karma would rise up to bite Dan Didio on the ass for Chuck’s ill-treatment, got exacerbated by the revelation that Marvel’s SECRET INVASION #2 was the top book of the month, with DC’s supposedly pivotal FINAL CRISIS #1 coming in second, along with the speculation that “we can’t imagine anyone at DC is very happy about that.”

What?

It has become ridiculously easy to confuse reviewers’ commentary on comics with the real-world facts about those comics, but usually the one doesn’t have much more than peripheral connection to the other. I’ve mentioned in the past the dichotomous, contradictory standard “fanthink” on the matter: the comic that we like that fails failed because the audience isn’t sophisticated enough to appreciate it, the comic that we don’t like that fails failed because the audience couldn’t be fooled by crap. Corollaries: the comic that we like never fails because it’s crap and we’re the ones who got fooled by it; the book we don’t like that succeeds always succeeds because the rest of the audience is dazzled by crap.

The bold’s the important bit, the whole piece is well worth a read. The idea that Final Crisis wasn’t #1 because it’s “too smart” is dumb, possibly terminally so.

Over the past few years, with all the various comic mega-events shoved down our gullets, the idea of the tie-in comic has been make-or-break to the main series. House of M seemed to do it the best, where all the tie-ins were completely unnecessary to the main series, but were mostly well-written and made for a good expansion to what was going on. Annihilation dodged the bullet by having seemingly no real tie-ins at all. Infinite Crisis became a huge mess where you had to know a lot about what was going on in the smaller books to truly get the story. Civil War, as far as I’m concerned, is the worst offender. The main series was competently-written, if a little convoluted, and Millar wrote very fair versions of Captain America and Iron Man. Then you look at all the tie-ins where Captain America is the perfect god of morality and Iron Man is the king of all assholes. The only truly good tie-ins were the two Captain America/Iron Man one-shots.

With Secret Invasion, the issues of New Avengers and Mighty Avengers, whether good or bad, are in a class of their own. After all, Secret Invasion is Bendis’ big cumulative storyline tying together a lot of loose ends from those series. They’re more like extended scenes and extra issues to the miniseries than anything else. Discarding those, I honestly haven’t read too many of the Invasion tie-ins. Yes, Captain Marvel was completely amazing and Hercules is a blast regardless of what story it’s linked to, but I’m not a regular reader of Ms. Marvel and I haven’t picked up Captain Britain yet, so I can’t comment on them.

That brings us to Secret Invasion: Who Do You Trust? This one-shot, based on five different stories, gives us more details on certain characters and their roles in the series. The five writers, Brian Reed, Mike Carey, Christos N. Gage, Zeb Wells and Jeff Parker keep things extremely competent and diverse in topic, while staying true to the series.

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The weekend of chunky guys dressed like Colossus and hot women dressed as Slave Leia has come to an end. I myself had a great time, spent with hermanos from this very site and a whole bunch of guys from Funnybook Babylon. Sadly, Thomas “Wanderer” Wilde deemed himself “too broke” to consider joining us and Hoatzin would have probably involved a gigantic plane ticket paid in rare diamonds, since he’s from Europe. I don’t know. I really have no grasp on how that type of thing works. Besides, Hoatzin seems to have vanished from our planet. What happened to that guy?

This one movie sent the other movie into space.

Day One

Last year I got to New York the day before the con started, which allowed me enough rest and whatnot. This year I had to come in the first day of the event and kill time until David Uzumeri came in from Canada, since he was in charge of dealing with the hotel. I walked straight from the Port Authority bus terminal to the Javits Center, which tired me the hell out.

After getting my swanktastical press pass, I met up with hermanos and Joseph of FBB. They were at a panel starting up that was a screening for a new Will Eisner documentary. Since I was tired from all that walking, I decided to stick around and watch it. I found it interesting in the sense that I honestly didn’t know all that much about Eisner, which is almost a sin if you’re a comic fan. The four of us (David U. showed up towards the end) mostly agreed that while it had some fantastic stuff in there, such as taped conversations between Eisner and guys like Kirby, the sum of it was incredibly dry.

Shortly after, we went to the panel on online journalism, with guys from Newsarama and CBR there. It wasn’t as good as the comic blogging panel from last year and mostly focused on arguing over criticism vs. getting press releases. Once that was done with, I was rested up enough to do some wandering.

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The next Comics from the 5th Dimention column should be up soon. The big drawback about writing for PopCultureShock rather than here is that you can’t have your stuff up instantly. Them’s the breaks.

I plan to one day write my own comic series. I’m currently trying to move my gears forward on that. That said, I still find myself thinking about what kind of DC or Marvel-owned series I would love to write if I had the chance. Stuff like an Eradicator on-going where he stations himself in Coast City as a way to make up for and investigate the human feeling of guilt he suffers from his failure to protect the city from Cyborg Superman and Mongul. Or a Juggernaut series where he’s on the run from SHIELD, all while showing the parallels of the Superhuman Registration Act and being the avatar slave of Cyttorak.

There’s one comic concept that came to me the other day. What If occasionally had sequels, most of them not very good. Having read so many issues and having some of them so nestled into my memory, the continuity nut in me always compares some issues to events that happened after the release date. Sometimes it’s just to laugh at the continuity screw-up, like how Alicia Masters in What If the X-Men Lost Inferno was really a Skrull and the writer didn’t know it yet. That revelation gums up her part in the story.

Sometimes I realize how much more interesting stories become when you toss in delayed retcons and new pieces of canon. For instance, there’s the issue What If the X-Men Had Died on Their First Mission, where the New X-Men team (Wolverine, Storm, etc.) go to Krakoa to save the original X-Men and they all die. Xavier beats himself up over it, Moira comforts him and eventually another X-Men team is created. It was a good story, but compare it to what we know now. Deadly Genesis showed the other X-Men team that died fighting Krakoa. When they failed, Moira was angry, so Xavier erased her memory of the events. Put the two stories together and it’s pretty fucked up. Xavier deserves to feel bad. His Krakoa mission would have cost him three X-Men teams, totaling at 17 mutants. Then you have Moira trying to keep him from being suicidal, not knowing what a bastard he really is because the son of a bitch removed it from her memory.

What would have happened when Vulcan came back to Earth, not only forgotten, but now without his brothers? Now that would be a sequel issue worth reading.

I think back to other What Ifs that lead to a new status quo and how vastly different things would have been if they continued the story and met up with the events that were destined to happen. I think a handful of them could make for a good limited series.

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First off, I have a new installment of Comics From the 5th Dimension up. This time it’s the KO and Return of Superman, where I discuss the classic one-shot Superman vs. Muhammad Ali.

Also at PCS is a roundtable discussion about Secret Invasion #1, involving both 4L writers and Funnybook Babylon writers. Or as I call the collective group, The Corporate Ministry.

On another note, today is 4/4. That should be the official 4th Letter Day. Make it happen, politicians!

With Secret Invasion on the horizon, you can bet your ass that there’s been plenty of theories and speculation. Bendis has given us some major hints and claims that ideas have been there since the beginning of New Avengers. The Raft, the House of M, the Civil War, Taskmaster going back to his original costume instead of his badass hoodie ensemble, and others are all the fault of the Skrulls in one way or another.

I’m not going to spend this post going over who I think is probably a Skrull. But since you asked: Dum Dum Dugan, Spider-Woman, Hank Pym and maybe Thing and Luke Cage. Spider-Woman is still a hero despite her Skrullitiousness.

Comedian and cartoon rat Patton Oswalt mentioned having read the first three issues, thanks to being good friends with Bendis. One of the more interesting quotes in his blog entry is, “As it stands right now, someone’s holding a possible key to stopping the Skrulls, and it’s the LAST person in the Marvel Universe you’d want with that info. And no, it’s not Dr. Doom.”

Some think that this means Marvel Boy, which would make sense in a way, since Brevoort admitted to him being in the first issue. I, on the other hand, think he’s talking about the Hood. Some things to think about:

1) Not even Brother Voodoo could see through Dr. Strange’s illusion at the New Avengers secret headquarters. With his cat-eyed vision, Hood saw through it easily. Hood’s magic trumps Strange’s magic.

2) Secret Invasion is supposed to involve the Skrull gods. I believe that the creature that gives Hood his powers is one of these gods. We know nothing about it other than its appearance and the powers it gives Hood. One of these powers is making him so invisible that NOTHING can detect him. Compare that to the current crop of Skrulls who are so advanced that NOTHING can detect them either.

3) On a Skrully level, the Hood’s recent actions could work into their plans. Not only is he distracting the New Avengers, but he gets Dr. Strange to leave the team and his plan is generally about fucking with the superhero population.

4) Despite all the whining about how much Tigra got smacked around, keep in mind that it was only Hood who got to do anything to her. With witnesses. Every instance of the Hood attacking a hero could be explained away, such as Wolverine will heal, shooting Strange leads to that deus ex machina, and when he gets ready to shoot Iron Fist, Tigra shows up to stop him. The SHIELD agents, I’ll get to in a sec.

5) After his defeat at the end of New Avengers Annual #2, the Hood starts talking to someone. Possibly himself or the creature that gives him his powers. Look at his final line.

Is he really talking about the Avengers?

This leads me to ponder one of two scenarios for the Hood. First, he may be a pawn of the Skrull god and not even know it. He’s helping the invasion against his own interests.

Second, the Hood has been fucking with the Skrulls longer than we’ve known. This whole time he’s been able to see through their tricks and knows that the hero community will never work with him on this. His whole villain team-up idea is really just his own way of dealing with the Skrull threat by trying to get them to kill what he knows to be Skrull imposters. Some of those SHIELD agents were probably Skrulls, possibly covered up by other agents after they were killed.

Tigra is in on this. All those acts of humiliation was a game.

Secret Invasion is the most fun comic book guessing game since Identity Crisis. At least it’ll probably have a better payoff.