Are You A Total Creep?

December 4th, 2009 by | Tags: , , ,

Let’s talk superheroines, buddy. How do you like them? Do you like them with glassy eyes, mouth partly open, gasping for breath? A stone cold (or smoking hot, you feel me?) come hither look on a face you swear you’ve seen before? What about boobs? How do you feel about those? We’re talking pneumatic, post-porn star boobs here, straight up carnival breasts. Think Wonder Woman could do with a pair of tatas like those? Or even better– let’s say you could get a peek at Zatanna’s you-know-hair and chimichangas while she just looks at you with this super sexy expressionless face? That’d be dumb hot, right? You’d want to give her a full ten out of ten, am I right?

Let’s be real with each other here. How much would you pay to see a seventeen year old girl’s panties? Just a peek? What if she were Supergirl? I gotchu, dawg.

Luckily for us all, Ed Benes, The King of Sexy Superheroines has space on his commissions list, and he’s ready, willing, and able to break you off some of that super sexy submissive scoliosis bowlegged booty.

11″ x 17″ Pen and inks
$800 1 character, no background
$1200 1 character w/ background (cover quality)
Add $400 for second character
Add $300 each additional character

Let’s do the math: 800 bucks will get you Vixen and some boob socks, or Zatanna and some questionable penciling going on down in panty-land. And hey, even some Wonder Girl panty shot action.

For 1200, you can get Zatanna, a little bit of hair, and a background.

If you want Spider-Man and Kinky Sex Black Cat and Whip Cracking Mary Jane, you’re looking at… 1500 bones. Of course, that’s worth it, right? I mean, they’re totally going to do it. I mean, come on.

If you absolutely need poorly drawn, empty eyed, ill proportioned superheroines to get your rocks off you unbelievable creep, hit up Ed Benes’s art page.

I mean, sexy art is one thing. But have some freaking taste about it. Read something with some personality and attention to craft, not some hack who can’t even tell a proper story without putting somebody’s flat butt front and center. You’re better off buying something by Adam Hughes, Kevin Maguire, Jordi Bernet, Frank Cho, Amanda Conner, Phil Noto, or any one of several dozen genuinely talented cheesecakey artists. Shoot, buy some Penthouse Comix backissues. Those had a stellar line-up of artists.

Ed Benes: Wacker than the average.

Similar Posts:

Post to Twitter Post to Facebook Post to Reddit Post to StumbleUpon

43 comments to “Are You A Total Creep?”

  1. You know who could really draw sensual females? Toth could, and it’s not something you saw all that often.

    And yeah, personality trumps vacuous and pneumatically-enhanced every goddamned time.

  2. For that kinda $ I can get 4 hookers and an 8 ball to get my rocks off. Do people actually pay that much for this pseudo porn bullshit? Lame. Do you thing for an extra $500 he’ll give Zatanna a black eye and have her cooking while crying for me?

    100% WEAK SAUCE.

  3. Or go get Adam Warren’s “Empowered”. Cheesecake galore, hilarious superhero satire comedy, and sprinkles of good plot and drama in the more recent volumes. Fantastic.

  4. Wow. The staccato clicks of Zatanna, Wonder Girl, and then Zatanna again just kept getting worse and worse, didn’t it?

    Dude, for that kinda’ kwan, screw the hoochie art, screw the hookers and booger sugar, I’d roll the dice entertaining a “real” woman on a wild fun date and take my chanes on going twenty-toes with her, all legit-like.

  5. Emp? Holy Shit, the dame’s shilling her own series!

  6. @Emp: Not to mention Empowered: The Wench of a Million Sighs, on sale this week at your local comic bookery!

  7. Ed Benes is a fucking creepazoid. It’s an embarrassment that he’s still able to find work these days.

  8. Oh, the things he can do with his pencil!


  9. Ooo, new Adam Warren. Good tip for a great book.

  10. Seriously, bro. Why even bother with this shit? Also if you want classy cheesecake that’s more than just BOOBIEZ at it’s best, get something by Dave Stevens.

  11. I’m not surprised that there’s a market for this, as I am sure there will always be, but I am surprised at the ridiculous amount of money he is asking for what are basically sketches that he will do in a day.

    I mean, good god, for that kind of money you could buy a [insert female character here] costume, hire a porn actress for a day long photo shoot, buy a camera and take the damn shots yourself and print them. I’m sure if you ask nicely, Ed Benes will even sign the prints.

    Also, I have no idea what kind of money comic book artists get paid to work in a book (at least not at this level in the industry), but I’m guessing these commissions are much more lucrative. Like I mentioned above, most of these look like a dedicated enough artist could finish in a day. 800 dollars (or more) a day is a hell of a lot of money.

  12. Hilarious fees and negligible talent? Sounds about right for a mercenary fetish artist. I wonder if he’s moonlighted as a furry.

  13. I admit I liked him in Supergirl years ago, but it’s gotten ridiculous since then. I still have nightmares about that Black Lantern Terra cover. Talk about something that you can’t un-see.

    Someone like George Perez needs to have a long talk with this guy about how it’s really done.

  14. I think it’s all kinda funny. The one thing I DO like about his drawings.. the chicks aren’t stick thin!!

  15. I really don’t blame him, he’s simply making money off people who want his art that badly. Comic artists really don’t make all that much money, and after a certain period of time, it becomes harder and harder to find work. Hell, even Adam Hughes charges ridiculously high prices but barely gets bills payed. Blaming him for exploitative, “sexist” art is like blaming fast food companies for selling unhealthy, greasy food that people want, and do, buy. Though, I suppose fast food is cheap.

    His artwork, like pretty much all comic art, is still unimaginative trash, though.

  16. His art’s really improved on a technical level over the past years, but his girls all look the same in the face – turned up noses. The man is from Brazil, which has to be a nation with the best possible ranges of skin tones, facial features and body builds. You’d think his art would reflect that.

    I am a little surprised DC doesn’t frown on the nekky chicks when it is their characters, though.

  17. I realize there is a huge market for that type of art….
    But really…$1500.00?
    Like Guy said, Benes is catering to a market.
    I hope it’s a fairly financially well off market.

  18. Ha! I saw the article title then looked up and saw that the header picture was of Cyclops and Beast glaring at Deadpool saying, “What? You guys don’t like the classics?”

    Gotta say, I laughed.

  19. Zatanna’s bush upset me more than i would have imagined, which, on reflection, i find just about as weird as if it had aroused me. why do i care at all either way?

    to hell with comics, i don’t need these mind games!

  20. Ah, Ed Benes! The poor man’s Mike Grell. As a storyteller he’s one hell of a pin-up artist.

    Hey, if this keeps him off JLA, I’m glad.

  21. You know, I’ve got to go one higher. These males are not creeps. These males are nothing short of full blown rapists.

  22. @Suzie: Rapists? Really? Why? I think there’s a huge leap to rapist from creep, and “commissions expensive and ugly drawings of naked heroines” is barely the first step.

  23. All right let make fun off people for what they think is sexy!!!
    If you don’t want it then don’t pay for it. Why are we so worked up about some peoples kink?

  24. @p: Seriously, you’d think a magician would just magic the hair away.

  25. Zatanna’s bush really depressed me. A sentence I never thought I’d type.
    Suzie, you have some nerve using the word “rape” to describe comic-book drawings. They’re pathetic and skeevy, but a million miles removed from actual sexual assault on real people. I know way too many women who have been actual, real-life raped; if they heard you comparing that to some dopey comic book drawings they would punch your lights out.

  26. […] Comics | "Are You A Total Creep?" [4thletter!] […]

  27. Okay, “carnival breasts” is totally going into my nomenclature. Thanks DB!

  28. Really, Suzie, if Dane Cook is more enlightened than you are in the use of the words “rape” and “rapist”, then you’re in trouble. Creep, maybe, but “rapist”? That’s a Hulk-sized leap.

  29. Oh, I *am* sorry. I didn’t realize it wasn’t up to me when my own feelings of being raped were valid. Thank you for correcting me.

    Oh, and being told by at least 1 man that ‘You have no right to feel violated is wrong’ is just all new kinds of insulting.
    Tell me, John, has your gender stopped habbitually raping mine? No? Then shut your filthy rapist mouth.

  30. Uhm, I’m still not seeing how dudes drawing/paying for creepy art work at all equates with creepy dudes forcing themselves on women.

    Something like this making you feel uncomfortable and gross, and have a low opinion of those who really enjoy it, this I can completely agree with. But you’re using the wrong word when you call them “rapists,” and no amount of trolling is going to change that. By doing this, you hurt your position, rather than strengthen it, and hurt your chances of being accurately understood by others.

  31. Nobody else address Suzie, please. :/

  32. Oh great. Another man telling me Im wrong. Clearly WFA has mislead me on this one.

    enjoy your circle jerk of misogyny and hate.

  33. Especially when you prefix “full-blown”? As in, actual?

    I certainly hope you haven’t been raped, Suzie, but it’d be a legal and criminal matter, not a matter of feelings that would determine rape’s validity, surely? (Not that the vast majority of rape actually does make courts or even police reports, I do understand that, but awful cartoon pics, whilst nausea-inducing, are still some way higher up the good-bad scale than a heinous physical act of disempowerment. I feel.)

  34. Sorry David. xpost.

  35. David-
    I do apologize. I couldn’t resist responding. I’ll be good from now on, at least in this thread.

  36. Wow. He’s trying to cash in on the lowest realm of fan art? Really, Ed? REALLY?

  37. @Suzie: This is exquisite fakeposting.

  38. What is fakeposting? Is that a real thing?

  39. I can’t see a problem.
    if people like his art and they are pervs, its win win.
    the guys asking B.T. for harley quinn naked are fine art collectors, I suppose.

  40. @Matt Ampersand

    Stop giving me ideas. Please. I *know* a six-foot tall black woman who regularly dyes her hair blond. I’m this close to calling her and asking her about her opinions on wearing skintight black leather.

  41. ? Why would drawing nekked girls be wrong?

  42. “Tell me, John, has your gender stopped habbitually raping mine? No? Then shut your filthy rapist mouth.”
    Nice to know that misogyny(or misandry)runs both ways.

  43. I dunno. Benes seems to celebrate the human female whereas like Miller uses them for fictional devices for revenge and/or motivations of violence. Moore has them raped in almost all his works… save Tom Strong perhaps. Relevance can be overrated sometimes. Pure celebration can be okay. Benes’ lines are very good. Frazetta does the same as Benes, but charges more.