So it just came to me…

December 7th, 2008 by |

If a child ever asks about the logic holes that come from the proposed existence of Santa Claus — such as how he can carry all those presents and travel around the world in one night, breaking into homes with no chimneys and devouring all the milk and cookies without anyone noticing — you just need to tell them one thing:

Santa Claus has both the Power Cosmic and the Speed Force. Problem solved.

Marvel needs to reveal that Santa is really the secret herald of Uatu the Watcher. He’s been watching everyone and knows who’s been naughty and who’s been nice, and while he cannot interfere directly, he has his jolly herald reward their behavior.

Also, just saw Punisher: War Zone. It’s like Blade in the way that the beginning and end are awesome, but there’s a lot of dullness throughout the middle. It’s like X-Men 3 in the way that characters are named after comic counterparts who barely have much to do with them. But it’s also like the last Rambo movie in being an over-the-top crazy killfest. So if that’s what you want, buy your ticket and enjoy.

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17 comments to “So it just came to me…”

  1. I enjoyed Shoot ‘Em Up & ’04 Punisher. Will I like this?

  2. I suppose.

    Though I thought Shoot ‘Em Up was pretty awful. Yes, I “got it”, but I just didn’t think it was any good.

  3. were you drunk? this is important.

    Why wasn’t ’04 Punisher given a Sequel? He’s all ready to move on to other criminals and .. nothing?

  4. I’m straight edge, man.

    Keep in mind, I do really like ’04 Punisher. Comparing the two, the Jane movie is better overall. But it wasn’t so good for being about the Punisher. Frank Castle doesn’t get his revenge by sneaking around on his tip-toes and giving you parking tickets to play mindgames. He gets revenge by dragging you into the middle of the woods and shooting you in the gut, causing you to die alone and in constant pain after three days.

  5. The Jane Punisher movie would have been better if Travolta had played Ma Gnucci in it…

  6. This looks like a new Amalgam comics character… 😛

  7. I think Dominic West deserves some kind of award for his performance as Jigsaw, because my GOD, if there was a hammier acting job in any movie this decade, I haven’t seen it. He was like a Dick Tracy character on meth!

  8. Haha, Dick Tracy was what exactly came to mind when I saw Jigsaw in the trailers! But man, seeing the box office numbers for PWZ is horrifying. I really thought this was going to send the Punisher to the top, but no one’s interested. I haven’t seen the movie yet myself, but your comment mirrors a lot of people I’ve talked to, Gavok.

  9. Oh, if you check my blog, you’ll see a full review of the movie that I posted.

  10. […] Davok at 4thletter explains Santa Claus in superhero terms and reviews Punisher War Zone in one efficient post. Posted in news | […]

  11. DC is coming out with a special that explains the super secret origin of Santa Claus.

  12. Davok at 4thletter

    Best or worst Amalgam character ever?

  13. hard race for worst.

  14. What If Jubilee was Black and Had a Symbiote?

  15. Little known fact: Santa acts as the “Mogo” of the Red Lantern Corps, bringing red rings of blood & hate to the angry little boys and girls of the galaxy. That is why Christmas is only one day a year, it’s when he gives back.

  16. @Gavok:
    What if Blink was Blink-Prime, from Counter-Earth’s Symbiote Gulag. She resorts to lethal methods to protect the last Meta-Mutant Baby.

  17. […] mulls the link between Santa Claus and the speed […]