Before we get to #15 on the list, let’s check back in with the Gobbledy Gooker.

Three cool guys right there. Three cool, cool guys.

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How about that? Day Four and I haven’t broken stride yet. This is promising. So far I’ve neither JMS’d this series nor Billy Gunn’d it. Let’s celebrate with the Gobbledy Gooker.

All right!

Now onto the list.

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Now that I’ve gotten settled into this list, I thought I should explain the review and ranking process. Over the past several months, I’ve watched all 23 Survivor Series shows, many of which for the first time. I graded each match as well as “The Atmosphere”, which is the term I use for the non-wrestling aspects of the show. Promos, backstage happenings, intro videos, packages, even the arena layouts if they’re anything of note. The Atmosphere counts as one match. Back when I did the Wrestlemania Countdown, I weighed it as two matches, since those segments felt more important than they do here.

Then everything is averaged out. Main events and world title matches count for double. If less than half the matches are elimination style, the elimination tag matches also count for double. I figured that would be fair, since it adds to the importance of the show’s main gimmick. If you’re only going to do the match once or twice this year, you better make it count.

With that boring explanation out of the way, let’s continue with the countdown.

Today’s episode: Shawn Michaels and His Amazing Friends Will Bury You.

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This was supposed to be up last night, but the stupid website was down until about an hour ago. Bullshit. I’ll have to post Day Twelve tomorrow instead.

For one last Tales of Wrestlemania, we might as well look at the guy whose name is synonymous with the show. Shawn Michaels, who calls himself “Mr. Wrestlemania” has a ton of Wrestlemania appearances and it makes for a good synopsis of his storied career.

Wrestlemania 5: He and Marty Jannetty lose decisively against the Twin Towers.

Wrestlemania 6: He and Marty lose another match, but at least it’s because of cheating.

Wrestlemania 7: Finally, he and Marty win a match.

Wrestlemania 8: Michaels is on his own as a heel, managed by Sensational Sherri. The commentators can’t stop talking about how Michaels is destined for the Intercontinental Championship.

Wrestlemania 9: Michaels is now the Intercontinental Champion as predicted. He keeps his title despite losing his match. Also, Sherri is now out to get him.

Wrestlemania 10: Michaels starts going down the road of being a dick, which is what ultimately causes the ladder match against Razor Ramon for the undisputed Intercontinental Champion. Michaels loses the match and the title.

Wrestlemania 11: A year after the ladder match, Michaels has moved up the ladder and gets a world title shot. It isn’t the true main event and he does lose, but he’s made it this far.

Wrestlemania 12: Take two! Half of the show is dedicated to Michaels winning the belt off Bret Hart. When he wins, he continues to be a dick towards Bret.

Wrestlemania 13: Speaking of being a dick to Bret, he ducks out of wrestling at the show and dropping the title to Bret because he lost his smile. Still shows up with a big intro anyway and commentates the main event. Puts over the Undertaker huge, even though they haven’t met in the ring yet.

Wrestlemania 14: His back is messed up and he has to retire. He drops the title to Steve Austin, though there are rumors that he was reluctant to do so. He steps away from wrestling for the most part and the Attitude Era begins.

Wrestlemania 15: Just because he can’t wrestle doesn’t mean he can’t make an appearance. He appears prior to the main event to tell off Vince McMahon with threats to take him down physically if need be.

Wrestlemania 16: Michaels is relegated to just showing up for Fan Axxess and signing autographs while one overzealous fan yells at the camera that they should bring him back. He vanishes from the scene for the next two Wrestlemanias.

Wrestlemania 19: Michaels has made a shocking recovery from his back problems and is back in the ring. He’s no longer the young up-and-comer. He’s now the veteran, facing Chris Jericho, who is essentially the younger version of Michaels.

Wrestlemania 20: Swerves his way into the main event title match, but it isn’t meant to be. He loses without being involved in the finale.

Wrestlemania 21: Wrestles Kurt Angle in what is essentially callback to Wrestlemania 12. Angle is angry that Michaels’ 1996 showing trumped him winning a gold medal.

Wrestlemania 22: Michaels faces Vince McMahon and destroys him in an angle that could be portrayed as Michaels destroying a representative of what kind of man he used to be.

Wrestlemania 23: Michaels goes to the main event against the champion, but Michaels doesn’t win. At his level, he no longer truly needs the title.

Wrestlemania 24: Defeats Ric Flair and, as part of the stipulation, Flair has to retire. An important landmark in Michaels’ career.

Wrestlemania 25: Puts his own legendary list of Wrestlemania accomplishments against the Undertaker. He fights hard to get to this match, beating JBL and Kozlov for the right, but falls just short of victory.

Wrestlemania 26: It all comes to a head. He can’t let that loss stand. Defeating the Undertaker at Wrestlemania is all that’s left for him to do. If he can’t succeed, he will do like Flair two years before and walk away from the squared circle.

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Today’s Tales of Wrestlemania is about Lex Luger.

Wrestlemania 8: Lex isn’t even wrestling. He’s being used for the World Bodybuilding Federation and appears to talk to Bobby Heenan about how jacked he is. Then he drinks some milk. Waste of time.

Wrestlemania 9: They’re really pushing Lex by not only going over Mr. Perfect, but claiming that he beat up Bret Hart earlier in the day. Unfortunately for the Narcissist, this match with Bret will never come to be.

Wrestlemania 10: Having become a patriotic Hogan knockoff, Lex has a title shot against Yokozuna. Despite all these hints that he and Bret are going to meet in the finals, Lex is screwed over by the man he beat just a year earlier: Mr. Perfect. Dang.

Wrestlemania 11: Any momentum Lex has ever had is long gone. Now he’s relegated to teaming up with the British Bulldog and opening the show. He still won’t be having any matches with Bret because he’s no longer in his league. That’s harsh.

Which reminds me, I remember a rumor that Lex was going to win the title at Wrestlemania 10, but blabbed it to a reporter and they had to change the booking of the show. I never found out if that was bullshit or not.

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For today’s Tales of Wrestlemania, we’ll do a double. First, King Kong Bundy.

Wrestlemania 1: Bundy appears in the second match and annihilates Special Delivery Jones in seconds. Obviously, this guy has momentum.

Wrestlemania 2: That momentum has brought him to the main event against Hulk Hogan for the title. Bundy loses the match and has nowhere to go but down.

Wrestlemania 3: He’s fallen so far that he’s now in a comedy mixed tag match featuring four midgets and Hillbilly Jim. That’s like hitting rock bottom.

Wrestlemania 11: He returns and is used as a threat of the week against the Undertaker. He’s handily beaten. But hey, at least your Wrestlemania career still looks better than SD Jones!

Here’s a quick one for Yokozuna.

Wrestlemania 9: Yokozuna’s Wrestlemania debut has him win the main event against Bret Hart through cheating. He gets the title, but foolishly challenges Hulk Hogan and loses the belt. It’s not too bad. He’s still the top heel of the company.

Wrestlemania 10: After Bret loses to Owen in the opening bout, Yokozuna is able to get past his first round match with Lex Luger thanks to a crooked referee. It takes a year, but Bret Hart finally avenges his loss from the previous show. There goes Yokozuna’s belt.

Wrestlemania 11: Yokozuna falls down the card, but who better to team with than Bret’s other opponent from last year, Owen Hart? The two win the tag titles off the Smoking Gunns. This looks like the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Wrestlemania 12: Got bad news, Yokozuna. First, you and Owen are now enemies. Second, we’re feeding you to Vader, so you’re yesterday’s news. And third, you really, really need to do something about that nasty pube beard of yours. Don’t you own a mirror?

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For today’s Tales of Wrestlemania profile, let’s go with Andre the Giant.

Wrestlemania 1: Andre battles and defeats Big John Studd with Andre’s very career on the line. In Studd’s corner is Bobby “The Brain” Heenan.

Wrestlemania 2: Andre continues to show his dominance by winning the big battle royal. Later, in the main event, Heenan’s acquisition King Kong Bundy fails to defeat Hogan for the title.

Wrestlemania 3: Andre and Heenan have joined forces to get the title off Hogan. Andre loses the match. Once again, Heenan has failed.

Wrestlemania 4: Andre has a rematch with Hogan, though this time represented by Ted Dibiase. Andre succeeds in taking Hogan out of the tournament, but when he tries to take out Savage, Hogan appears to strike him down. Also at this show, Jake Roberts has a match with Rick Rude that starts a feud between Jake and the Heenan Family.

Wrestlemania 5: Andre is back with Heenan and is going after Jake Roberts. Big John Studd is the referee. Andre is disqualified and chased off by Jake, giving Studd some face closure in their rivalry.

Wrestlemania 6: Andre and Haku are the tag champs. They lose the belts to Demolition and Heenan has had enough. Ever since turning heel, Andre has yet to get a victory at Wrestlemania. Heenan slaps Andre and sets him off.

Wrestlemania 7: Andre is too broken down to wrestle, but he does show up to help Big Boss Man fight the Heenan Family. After helping clear the area of Mr. Perfect, Haku and the Barbarian, Andre gives some words of encouragement to Boss Man and effectively passes the torch before moving on.

Has kind of an Anakin Skywalker ring to it.

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Let’s take a second to look at some random Wrestlemania trivia.

Jeff Hardy and Goldust share the worst win-loss records with 0-5. After them are Crush and the Dudley Boyz, each with 0-4.

“Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff is the only wrestler to go from the main event of one Wrestlemania to the opening match of the next. Similarly, Lex Luger and Eddie Guerrero have gone from having world title matches on one show to being in the opening match the following year. Edge and Chris Jericho have done the reverse by being in the opening match one year and then the main event the following.

Hulk Hogan vs. Zeus was once in the cards for the main event of Wrestlemania 6.

For three years in a row, scheduled matches were dropped from Wrestlemania’s card due to time restraints: British Bulldog vs. the Berzerker (Wrestlemania 8), Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Kamala (Wrestlemania 9) and a ten-man tag match (Wrestlemania 10).

Shawn Michaels and Finlay have both opened three Wrestlemanias in a row.

Bret Hart and Owen Hart have a combined 20 matches at Wrestlemania. Only one of those matches (Bret vs. Austin) has ended with a Sharpshooter.

Wrestlemania 4 is the only time Ted Dibiase has won or lost a match via pin. He’s never won or lost via submission despite his finisher.

Yokozuna has wrestled four world title matches over the course of two consecutive Wrestlemanias.

Undertaker vs. Big Boss Man is the only heel vs. heel match to take place at Wrestlemania.

The mini-tournament in Wrestlemania 10 was decided with a coin toss in-story. Had it started with Bret Hart vs. Yokozuna, Lex Luger would have had a singles match with Crush before facing the winner.

If you face Kurt Angle in a title match at Wrestlemania, you will win. If there is no title on the line, you will lose.

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Since I’m spending all this time talking about every Wrestlemania match, I thought it would be worthwhile to take a quick gander at what didn’t occur at Wrestlemania. Here’s a list of the various pre-show matches.

Wrestlemania 6: Paul Roma defeats the Brooklyn Brawler
Wrestlemania 7: Koko B. Ware defeats the Brooklyn Brawler
Wrestlemania 8: The Bushwackers defeat the Beverly Brothers
Wrestlemania 9: “El Matador” Tito Santana defeats Papa Shango
Wrestlemania 10: The Heavenly Bodies defeat the Bushwackers
Wrestlemania 12: The Bodydonnas defeat the Godwinns to win the Tag Team Championships
Wrestlemania 13: Billy Gunn defeats Flash Funk
Wrestlemania 15: Jacqueline defeats Ivory, D’Lo Brown and Test win a battle royal where the last two survivors get a tag title shot at the PPV
Wrestlemania 17: Justin Credible and X-Pac defeat Steve Blackman and Grand Master Sexay
Wrestlemania 18: Rikishi, Scotty 2 Hotty and Albert defeat Mr. Perfect, Lance Storm and Test
Wrestlemania 19: Lance Storm and Chief Morley defeat Kane and Rob Van Dam
Wrestlemania 21: Booker T wins a Raw vs. Smackdown battle royal
Wrestlemania 22: Viscera wins a Raw vs. Smackdown battle royal
Wrestlemania 23: Ric Flair and Carlito defeat Chavo Guerrero and Gregory Helms
Wrestlemania 24: Kane wins a battle royal to earn a match against the ECW champion at the PPV
Wrestlemania 25: Carlito and Primo defeat John Morrison and the Miz in a Lumberjack Match to win the Unified Tag Team Championships.

Now on with the chlorophyll.

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Over a year ago, I took my enjoyment of the WWE Royal Rumble match and turned it into a week-long list. Watching 20+ 1-hour matches wasn’t too hard and I think it came off pretty well. The one true way to follow it up would be to give the same business to all 25 Wrestlemanias, only as a twelve-day countdown. It’s a tall order.

For one, there are more Wrestlemanias than Royal Rumbles. Secondly, each show lasts somewhere between 3-4 hours, with Wrestlemania 20 lasting a full 5 hours. I had my work cut out for me, so I spent the last two months watching every show in random order. The last major problem is how do I rank it? With the Royal Rumbles, I was only ranking the Rumble matches themselves and that isn’t TOO hard. With all the Wrestlemanias, there are over 250 matches in total.

Some lists I’ve seen don’t so much rate the shows as wholes, but as a handful of moments. A couple good memories or a couple bad memories can paint a full picture in your head about how the show was, even though you’re missing out on all the other bells and whistles. So here’s how I decided to do this.

Each match gets rated 0-10, based on how much I liked it. It doesn’t have to be a great technical exhibition. I know a long while back, Dave Meltzer voted Hogan vs. Andre at Wrestlemania 3 as “negative four stars”, but I’m not Dave Meltzer. I rated it high because it’s an epic match that tells a good story. I’m not going to point out what number I rated each match (I don’t want that to be the focus), but I will tell you this: there’s only one Wrestlemania match I’ve considered SO BAD that I had to give it a zero. I’ll let you guess that one. It isn’t in today’s update.

Anyway, each match is rated 0-10. Every main event and top title match (WWF/WWE Title and World Heavyweight Title) are counted twice, since they have more emphasis on the show. The exception is the Bret Hart/Shawn Michaels Iron Man Match, which I count as three matches. Then there’s “the atmosphere”, which counts as two matches. The atmosphere is the grab bag of miscellaneous stuff from the show that isn’t part of an actual match. Backstage segments, in-ring segments, intro videos, the arena’s setup, musical segments and so on. The bells and whistles of the show. When all that’s done, I average out the tally and give it a final score. Sounds fair, I think.

The two things I don’t take into consideration are the national anthem segments in the beginning – because it’s silly to have to compare them – and the dark matches/Free for All/Heat matches. Though I will hold it against the show if there’s a fairly high profile match during the pre-show that really should have been on the PPV.

Oh, and I’m going to toss in the YouTube videos of WWE Legends of Wrestlemania’s rivalry packages when we get to those specific matches. They rule too much not to.

Just about every Wrestlemania list I’ve seen considers Wrestlemania 9 the absolute worst Wrestlemania. Not me. Check it.

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