Where did we leave off? Ah, right. Enchantress sweet-talked Valkyrie and gave her a sword. The male Ultimates are fighting up a storm and Loki is looking swank. Let’s keep it going.

I don’t even know what the hell a Blastoise is. That’s on ManiacClown. We’ll return tomorrow to finish off the week as the ladies finish off the heroes.

Day Seven!

Yesterday’s installment was all about the Enchantress going from place to place, brainwashing ladies and having them join her cause. I guess her one difference in her Ultimate incarnation is that she does this to women instead of men. She then starts to win over Valkyrie by showing her that Thor hasn’t been faithful to her and Hawkeye has been stealing her mustard from the fridge.

Let us continue with that scene.

“YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAH!!”

Sorry, ManiacClown insisted I add that. Tomorrow is Enchantress’ plan paying off. Watch out, fellas! Carol Danvers is going to beat you up and she doesn’t even have Ms. Marvel powers!

Day Six!
Day Seven!

Yesterday’s action really escalated quickly. I mean, that really got out of hand fast! It jumped up a notch. There were dragons, a man on fire and Black Panther killed a guy!

T’challa, if you’re reading this, you should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you’re probably wanted for murder.

Plus Hawkeye walked in on Tony and Carol post-coitus.

Thanks to ManiacClown for agreeing with me that, yeah, that does sort of look like Mila Kunis. Vindication is fun.

Amora and Valkyrie will continue their girl talk tomorrow. See you then.

Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!

Last time in our adventures, Captain America kicked a lady in the lady business and it made her mad enough to jump out a window. We’ve all been there. The Enchantress showed up and introduced herself to Zarda, whose inclusion on the team still makes people scratch their scalps.

Now this happens.

Thanks to ManiacClown, who believes Hawkeye doesn’t use the men’s room because he’s “too pretty to pee standing up”.

Next time, Enchantress keeps doing her thing.

Day Four!
Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!

As of yesterday, Captain America had a heated conversation with Valkyrie. A conversation SO heated that Valkyrie’s been balling up her fist. Time for something actiony to happen.

Tomorrow, ManiacClown and I will be back for dragons, orcs, jungle folk, tigers, and post-coitus. See you then.

Day Three!
Day Four!
Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!

Welcome back for another round of edits. For those who don’t remember what happened in the first issue because they were distracted by Ultimate Red Skull suddenly crying about his daddy issues in Millar’s Ultimates comic, the Defenders have returned from obscurity with special powers and enhancements. It’s like that episode of Gargoyles with the Pack, but without that kickass Australian Dingo guy around. Dingo ruled. They stole Mjolnir from Valkyrie, Loki and an army of monsters invaded and Tony Stark introduced Carol Danvers to at least three STDs.

And now, we move forward.

Thanks to ManiacClown for warning me that having the pointing Captain America say, “Only you can prevent forest terrorism!” is a little too much of a stretch. We’ll be back tomorrow with more from Cap and Valkyrie.

But my point remains: Dingo ruled.

Day Two!
Day Three!
Day Four!
Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!

The penultimate pages showed Carol Danvers and Tony Stark getting all shouty and arguey. Then Shanna the She-Devil, Ka-Zar, some tigers and the mute Black Panther who isn’t Captain America in disguise this time hang out in Central Park. Things suddenly get cold. What could this mean?

That’s all for this week. ManiacClown would strangle me if I didn’t at least feature the Farmville SHIELD image he made for a throwaway gag. Really, the guy would just give me updates about stuff I don’t understand. Never played Farmville and never plan to. Here you go.

Stay tuned for this Wednesday as my 12-day Wrestlemania Countdown begins, tough guy!