Where did we leave off? Ah, right. Enchantress sweet-talked Valkyrie and gave her a sword. The male Ultimates are fighting up a storm and Loki is looking swank. Let’s keep it going.

I don’t even know what the hell a Blastoise is. That’s on ManiacClown. We’ll return tomorrow to finish off the week as the ladies finish off the heroes.

Day Seven!

Yesterday’s installment was all about the Enchantress going from place to place, brainwashing ladies and having them join her cause. I guess her one difference in her Ultimate incarnation is that she does this to women instead of men. She then starts to win over Valkyrie by showing her that Thor hasn’t been faithful to her and Hawkeye has been stealing her mustard from the fridge.

Let us continue with that scene.

“YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAH!!”

Sorry, ManiacClown insisted I add that. Tomorrow is Enchantress’ plan paying off. Watch out, fellas! Carol Danvers is going to beat you up and she doesn’t even have Ms. Marvel powers!

Day Six!
Day Seven!

Yesterday’s action really escalated quickly. I mean, that really got out of hand fast! It jumped up a notch. There were dragons, a man on fire and Black Panther killed a guy!

T’challa, if you’re reading this, you should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you’re probably wanted for murder.

Plus Hawkeye walked in on Tony and Carol post-coitus.

Thanks to ManiacClown for agreeing with me that, yeah, that does sort of look like Mila Kunis. Vindication is fun.

Amora and Valkyrie will continue their girl talk tomorrow. See you then.

Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!

Last time in our adventures, Captain America kicked a lady in the lady business and it made her mad enough to jump out a window. We’ve all been there. The Enchantress showed up and introduced herself to Zarda, whose inclusion on the team still makes people scratch their scalps.

Now this happens.

Thanks to ManiacClown, who believes Hawkeye doesn’t use the men’s room because he’s “too pretty to pee standing up”.

Next time, Enchantress keeps doing her thing.

Day Four!
Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!

As of yesterday, Captain America had a heated conversation with Valkyrie. A conversation SO heated that Valkyrie’s been balling up her fist. Time for something actiony to happen.

Tomorrow, ManiacClown and I will be back for dragons, orcs, jungle folk, tigers, and post-coitus. See you then.

Day Three!
Day Four!
Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!

Welcome back for another round of edits. For those who don’t remember what happened in the first issue because they were distracted by Ultimate Red Skull suddenly crying about his daddy issues in Millar’s Ultimates comic, the Defenders have returned from obscurity with special powers and enhancements. It’s like that episode of Gargoyles with the Pack, but without that kickass Australian Dingo guy around. Dingo ruled. They stole Mjolnir from Valkyrie, Loki and an army of monsters invaded and Tony Stark introduced Carol Danvers to at least three STDs.

And now, we move forward.

Thanks to ManiacClown for warning me that having the pointing Captain America say, “Only you can prevent forest terrorism!” is a little too much of a stretch. We’ll be back tomorrow with more from Cap and Valkyrie.

But my point remains: Dingo ruled.

Day Two!
Day Three!
Day Four!
Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!

Iron Man 2 has been released and I checked it out last night. Personally, I enjoyed it, but doubly after having read the Alexander Irvine novelization. Much like with going from the graphic novel of Kick-Ass to the movie Kick-Ass, the transition from a weak telling of a story to a strong telling of a story can make such a difference based purely on the comparison.

I always love doing this little experiment of checking out the novelization of comic book movies, then seeing how the final product compares. I’ve been doing it for the past few years and they’ve always seemed to be based on the full version of the story. The novelization is what the movie is like before the editor cuts off chunks. Sometimes this works out for the better (Incredible Hulk). Sometimes this works out for the worse (Spider-Man 3). There’s even the first Iron Man, where the second act had to be refilmed and edited around just to make the Air Force happy.

Iron Man 2 is a different beast, since it doesn’t appear to be based on the full version of the screenplay, but of an earlier, incomplete version. There are plotholes and loose ends riddling the story that the movie is nice enough to fix. Even better, some of the climactic moments are so ridiculously underwhelming that the final cinematic output is a godsend.

Let’s take a look at what was changed.

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The trick with interviewing comics creators is not coming off like that kind of fan.  You know the one: the fan that takes things personally, gets overly involved in every story arc and character moment, and generally makes life miserable for anyone unlucky enough to get their attention. 

This is particularly hard when you most definitely are that kind of fan, especially when it comes to – oh, I don’t know, let me pick a character out of a hat – Batgirl.  I admit, when I came up to Bryan Q Miller, the current writer of Batgirl, I was bouncing on my heels a little.  Despite everything, though, he agreed to an interview.

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The Outfit is the latest volume of Darwyn Cooke’s ongoing adaptation of Donald Westlake/Richard Stark’s series of books starring Parker. Last year’s The Hunter made most of the Best Of lists. We did a podcast on it, I reviewed it, and Tucker Stone tells you exactly why you should read it. If you haven’t read it… get with it, mayne, it’s only sixteen bucks. Skip the Siege and Brightest Day tie-ins, they’ll be there when you get back.

The Man With the Getaway Face is a prelude to The Outfit. It’s the first chapter of the novel, a story complete unto itself, and is a great lead-in to what’s sure to be a great work. Westlake and Cooke are masters at what they do and IDW knows how to package a book. October feels far away, but Cooke’s adaptation of The Man With the Getaway Face has me convinced that The Outfit will be just as good, if not better, than The Hunter.

Here’s an excerpt from The Outfit, which is one of my most favorite bits of writing. You can see this scene with Robert Duvall in the Parker role, playing a man named Macklin, in 1973’s The Outfit, but I think the book still wins out for sheer poetry.

The receptionist knew that no one was supposed to come behind the desk. If anyone tried to without permission, she was to push the button on the floor under her desk. But this time she didn’t even think of the button. She reached, instead, for the package. Suddenly, the mailman grabbed her wrist, yanked her from the chair, and hurled her into a corner. She landed heavily on her side, knocking her head against the wall. When she looked up dazed, the mailman had an automatic trained on her. “Can you scream louder than this gun?” he said in a low voice.

She stared at the gun. She couldn’t have screamed if she’d wanted to. She couldn’t even breathe.

The outer door opened and the four men came in, two carrying shotguns, and two machine guns. The girl couldn’t believe it, it was like something in the movies. Gangsters carried machine guns back in 1930. There was no such thing as a machine gun in real life. Machine guns and Walt Disney mice, all make-believe.

The mailman put his gun away under his coat, and removed the mailbag from his shoulder. He took cord from the mail sack and tied the receptionist’s hands and feet. She gaped at him unbelievingly as he tightened the knots. They were in the wrong office, she thought. It might be a television show shooting scenes on location, they must have wanted the office next door and these men had come into the wrong place. It must be a mistake.

The mailman gagged her with a spare handkerchief as one of the other men brought the two musical instrument cases and two briefcases in from the outside hall. The mailman took the briefcases. The men with the machine guns led the way. They all walked down the inner hall and stopped at the door next to the book-keeping room. The mailman opened the door, and all five of them boiled into the room.

This was the room where the alarm buzzer would have rung if the receptionist had remembered to ring it. Four men in brown uniforms wearing pistols and Sam Browne belts, were sitting at a table playing poker. They jumped up when the door burst open, then they all froze. They believed in machine guns.

The Man With the Getaway Face is the only look you’ll get at The Outfit until its release in October.

Except… I have two extra copies of the The Man With the Getaway Face oversized preview. So, who wants them? Who is ready to work for them? Here are the terms. You need to give me answers to one of the three prompts below this paragraph. Use your real name when you answer, not your pseudonym. Make sure your email address is legit, too. And please be from the United States– overseas shipping is pricey.

1) What is your favorite scene from a book Darwyn Cooke drew, wrote, or created on his own? Why is it your favorite?
2) What is your favorite scene from a crime comic, movie, or novel, and why? Make sure to tell me the title, author, and actors involved, depending on the medium.
3) Tell me why you liked The Hunter.

Sound good? Hit the comments, let’s get it going.