180) Last Blade/Last Blade 2 – HYO AMANO
Amongst all the serious swordsman characters in the Last Blade series, you have Hyo Amano, a dopey playboy with a love for cherry blossoms and sake. His endings are unique in that they’re multiple choice. He meets up with you the player (except in the second game, where he has his friend track you down for him) and uses you as a drinking companion. His actions vary based on whether you say you’re a man, woman or don’t answer at all. Either way, he’s friendly and insists you drink with him.
The second game branches out some more and he breaks the fourth wall a bit by giving you info and hints about the game. Such as this.
No, I don’t know the internet! This is the early 19th century!
179) Street Fighter III – ORO
Oro is a senin, an ancient, top-level martial artist who has spent many years living as a hermit. Considered to be possibly the most powerful character in Street Fighter lore, Oro makes things fair by fighting only with one arm. His ending shows him from the neck up, rubbing his chin with the clouds behind him. He wonders about finding someone to pass his knowledge on to and the only fighter he sees any promise in is Ryu. It’s about here where it pans out to show just where Oro happens to be at the time of this introspection.
Luckily, William Shatner can’t see this.
Oro decides that whether Ryu wants it or not, he’s going to make him into his new apprentice and the plane flies off into the horizon.
178) TEKKEN TAG TOURNAMENT 2 – DR. BOSCONOVITCH
Dr. Geppetto Bosconovitch is busy in his lab, going over DNA samples of Jinpachi Mishima, Heihachi Mishima, Kazuya Mishima, Jin Kazama and the series’ latest hero character and member of the dysfunctional bloodline Lars Alexanderrson. The data intrigues the doctor, as he mostly focuses on Jinpachi, Heihachi and Lars, the three who haven’t been affected by the Devil Gene. He looks at the way Jinpachi and Heihachi have aged from their twenties to their fifties. Naturally, he doesn’t have such data for Lars, who is still a relative youngster. Granted, a youngster with lots of gray streaks in his hair.
The three headshots appear on a monitor and focus on what Bosconovitch is really looking into.
Apparently, by not falling victim to the Devil Gene, you WILL fall victim to hereditary balding. Poor Lars. It cuts to him and his team of soldiers flying in a helicopter. Lars seems annoyed by the wind blowing his hair back, so he asks if they can close the window for him.
177) Tatsunoki vs. Capcom (US) – FRANK WEST
Somehow, a man known for fighting malls full of zombies with whatever blunt object he can get his hands on is the most down-to-earth character in Tatsunoki vs. Capcom: Ultimate All-Stars. With the adventure over, Frank enjoys some final moments with all the outlandish anime and video game characters from the two companies. Some of the members of G-Force talk up how he helped save reality and they wish he didn’t have to go. Frank, being a big photographer, notes that there’s one thing they all need to do before they go their separate ways. He asks them all to gather around him.
Days later, we see Frank taking a break during the events of the first Dead Rising. As companions Brad and Jessie note, he keeps going back to looking at a picture in his phone that they believe to be him at some kind of Halloween party. Jessie asks if the photo has a title.
Frank decides that if they ever get out of this situation, he’s going to make a “best of” photo book and include this picture. As for the title, he settles on calling it “Ultimate All-Stars.”
176) Tekken 6 – SERGEI DRAGUNOV
One Tekken character I don’t like is Raven. A knockoff of Wesley Snipes as Blade, his whole deal is to just hang out and talk about his secret organization, as if anyone gives a damn. Then he acts like a jerk to Yoshimitsu over the course of several games while antagonizing the kickass Dragunov.
Dragunov is weird in the sense that he’s the ultimate villain design. He’s a Russian military man who chooses never to speak, but instead will hum to himself. His pale, scarred face is constantly deadpan and his winning animations are completely creepy. Plus he looks like Tommy Wisseau. His fighting style is centered around breaking limbs with his bare hands. He’s a cold, calculated man and yet he isn’t shown to be outright evil. He’s just a man doing his government duties.
Raven’s ending shows Dragunov and his men wheeling away the corpse of Tekken 6 big bad Azazel. Raven shows up, gets through Dragunov’s men, steals a black orb from inside Azazel’s ribcage and escapes by jumping onto a plane. Dragunov’s anger shows as he slightly bares his teeth.
But! What if you play through as Dragunov? Similar situation happens, but once Raven escapes, Dragunov has it taken care of.
Dragunov looks up at the explosion and while he isn’t exactly smiling, his shifting lack of scowl might as well be considered the same thing.
To Hell with Raven.
175) King of Fighters ’99 – TEAM KOREA
Since 1994, two-bit criminals Chang Koehan and Choi Bounge have been prisoners of one Kim Kaphwan, a taekwondo practitioner with a heart for justice. While well-meaning, Kim is a bit unhinged at times and insists that he’ll reform these two via constant taekwondo training. Throughout the years, the two have tried to insist that they were on the up-and-up, only to trip up and reveal their true intentions, earning them another year of intense training. In the ’99 tournament, things get worse for them as Kim’s old rival Jhun Hoon joins the team. As if one Kim wasn’t enough.
After escaping the NESTS Cartel’s hideout, the four have a moment in the desert. Chang and Choi sit it out and listen as Kim and Jhun argue about whose style of taekwondo is better. Chang and Choi realize that they’ll never be able to escape the two, so there’s only one option left. Chang sneaks up on the two with his wrecking ball ready while Choi soars through the sky with his Freddy Krueger talons out. Throughout the credits, we see silhouettes of Chang crushing Kim to a pulp while Choi slices up Jhun. The two outright murder their masters and stand in the sand, covered in blood, smiling at their newfound freedom.
It was just a fantasy. Even if they had a chance against Kim and Jhun (they don’t), they’ve been too tamed. Kim’s teachings are actually working. At first, they seem proud. They haven’t felt guilty about anything all year! Then they decide that they’re going to have to dedicate themselves to being evil the following year to bring themselves back to normal. Regardless, their change of heart is unseen by Kim and Jhun, a la the Boy Who Cried Wolf. Not only are they in for another year of training, but now they’ll be split up for the year with Chang learning exclusively under Kim and Jhun training Choi. The two grumble at their misfortune.
174) Street Fighter Alpha 3 – DAN HIBIKI
Dan is Street Fighter’s resident comedy character/weakling/moron, so M. Bison could not be more surprised that he’s been beaten by this pink-wearing dork. Dan unleashes a combination of strikes that proceed to melt Bison’s face away as he dies asking how this could possibly happen.
Dan decides that he’s going to use Bison’s base as his new Saikyo dojo, where he can teach his useless style to the world. Days pass and we see that his only student is Blanka. This is the first time the two oddballs have been put together as buddies (also the first time they were ever in a game together) and whoever came up with that deserves a medal. Despite Blanka being an expert on rolling around like a ball, Dan focuses on only that and helps improve Blanka’s rolling skills.
What the two don’t realize is that Charlie, Chun-Li and a whole lot of fighter jets have discovered the secret Shadaloo base with no idea that Bison’s been taken down. Charlie prepares to bomb the place to kingdom come.
Beneath the ground, Dan and Blanka roll back and forth like a couple of idiots with no idea what’s in store for them. It ends with Dan giving the thumbs up and saying that Saikyo Style will live on forever!
173) Mortal Kombat 9 – FREDDY KRUEGER
You have to hand it to Netherrealm Studios. They handled their downloadable characters expertly. Between the large cast of the Mortal Kombat reboot and the initial downloadable characters, they had run out of Kombatants that anyone really cared about. They needed something big for their final reveal. Seeing as how they’re both owned by Warner Brothers, Netherrealm was able to score putting Freddy Krueger in the game. And he fit like a glove!
His story is that during Shao Kahn’s invasion, Freddy challenged him for his soul. Kahn knew that Freddy was too powerful in the dream world, so he magically pulled Freddy into the real world, where he’s mortal. Freddy has created two razor gloves and intends to get his revenge on Kahn so he can return home and go back to terrorizing the children of Elm Street.
By defeating Kahn, Freddy has ultimately saved Earthrealm. Nightwolf realizes that Freddy is an evil spirit, so he decides, “Yo, I got this.” Does he kill the mortal Freddy, thus ending the nightmare once and for all? Nope! He performs a ritual that sends Freddy back to whence he came. Which Freddy wanted in the first place.
Nightwolf, you nitwit.
172) Marvel vs. Capcom 3 – X-23
Lot of blade-handed people in this article. X-23 stands over a beaten Galactus and gives us a rare smile. Wolverine, off-screen, is pretty impressed. X-23 brings up that her father has never slain a giant galactic god, bringing into question his status as, “the best at what I do.”
The next image shows that they’re in front of the X-Mansion and Wolverine is wearing a bathrobe while drinking his morning coffee (probably spiked with something). Wolverine tells her that she can have the title, as long as she gets that trash off his lawn.
When they rereleased the game as Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3, they changed the art to make Galactus’ placement a little more obnoxious.
171) Dead or Alive 3 – BASS ARMSTRONG
The Hollywood Hulk Hogan knockoff Bass rides down a desert highway in his motorcycle “Tina” which he has named after his estranged daughter. Weirdo. Metal music blares as we see him ride on via different angles until his bike abruptly putters out. Bass tries to start it up again, but nothing. He steps off and does what anyone would do in this situation and lightly kicks the bike. In response, there’s an explosion of fumes that engulf him.
Bass responds to this in the most sensible of all manners.
HE SUPLEXES HIS MOTORCYCLE!
Later, we see him trying to fix up the bike, when his daughter Tina drives by, not even noticing her father. Bass calls out to her, but is ignored. Who cares? Did you just see that man suplex his fucking motorcycle?!
170) Street Fighter Alpha 3 – ZANGIEF
After defeating M. Bison in the name of Mother Russia, Zangief leaves him for dead so he can go take out this Psycho Drive device he heard Bison rambling about earlier. Searching through Shadaloo’s base, he stumbles across fellow fighter E. Honda. At first, Zangief thinks the sumo is one of Bison’s goons, but Honda explains that he is also out to destroy Shadaloo. It’s just that he’s lost. Zangief talks up the need to find the Psycho Drive and luckily, Honda has seen something that fits the description.
Honda leads him to a laboratory with the big laser in the middle. Zangief is prepared to just pull the plug on it, but it starts to activate and fires its beam in order to repower the ailing Bison. Zangief needs to act now and comes up with the best plan. With Honda’s okay, he grabs the big man and proceeds to deliver spinning piledrivers all over the place.
Thus, the laser shuts down and Bison proceeds to melt away. The two wrestlers laugh about what a great team they make and it’s said that their heroism is long admired in Russia.
169) Soul Calibur III – OLCADAN
It never made sense to me. Namco created such a great design: a grizzled weapon master with an owl head. Then they put him in one game and never used him ever again!
Olcadan’s deal is that he’s a very ancient warrior who was cursed by the god Ares by being turned into an owl man and being stuck in a labyrinth, where time stands still. Finally escaping, Olcadan finds himself in slightly less ancient times and becomes acquainted with the concepts of money and the ever-powerful sword Soul Edge. Always up for a challenge, Olcadan goes off to destroy Soul Edge once and for all.
Soul Calibur III features alternate endings depending on pressing the right button at the right spot. Normally, Olcadan shatters the giant, gross sword with a chop of his hand and goes on to start his own dojo. If you press the correct button, Olcadan stops himself at the last second and thinks twice about it.
Cut to a weapons shop where we see a female clerk who seems to have zero interest in buying the sword from him. While we don’t hear anything, we do see him angrily trying to haggle. A second clerk comes in and convinces the first to buy the ugly thing. The fact that neither is taken aback by the man having an owl head and the sword having a giant, blinking eyeball only adds to the comedy. She hands Olcadan three gold pieces and he goes on his way.
Yes, Olcadan just sold the most evil and powerful weapon in the world for a couple coins.
Underneath it all, it is pretty badass that Olcadan was able to carry that to the shop and let it go without succumbing to its sinister power.
168) Art of Fighting 2 – JACK TURNER
The Art of Fighting 2 endings are just weird and I’m certain that much of it comes from the English translators throwing the script out the window and making shit up. That explains why in various endings, Master Lee works endlessly to discover the cure for hemorrhoids, military guy John Crawley is asked to rescue the President’s pet canary and there’s the troubling ending where ninja Eiji Kisaragi mentions being in love with Fatal Fury character Mai Shiranui. Even though Art of Fighting takes place 20 years before Fatal Fury. Ew.
Anyway, Jack Turner is an oversized thug who mops the floor with top criminal Geese Howard. Geese escapes, but Jack is able to rally a bunch of punks and goons in a scene not unlike the beginning of the Warriors. Standing before them all, he says that they will no longer hide in the shadows.
He demands that they all follow his lead and they cheer him on. Then there’s the stinger as it shows a close-up of loud-mouthed Jack.
“Little did Jack’s followers realize the Neo Black Cats were to become a creative dance group.”
167) Samurai Showdown IV – KYOSHIRO SENRYO
Hey, speaking of creative dance!
Among all the samurai warriors fighting in the Samurai Showdown series, you have dedicated kabuki actor Kyoshiro Senryo. With his adventure concluded, he says, “Now, back to the smell of the crowd and the roar of greasepaint!”
Kyoshiro’s career as an entertainer really takes off, but his new “demon dance” is so powerful that he unknowingly summons an evil force to reign terror on the lands.
HERE COMES THAT GUY! Quick, Kyoshiro! Throw your phone at THAT GUY!
Sorry, but when a fighting game ending shares the same plot as an episode of Metalocalypse, I have no choice but to give it some love.
166) Rage of the Dragons – ELIAS PATRICK AND ALICE CARROL
Tag-team fighting game Rage of the Dragons has a cool thing going by introducing Elias Patrick, the badass priest with no sleeves. The game’s plot has to do with a villain named Johann, who is powered by an evil force called the Black Dragon. Elias is an exorcist, taking care of Alice, a little girl who is possessed and probably killed her parents because of it. Finding himself at a dead end, Elias figures that Johann is somehow related to what’s going on with Alice. If he wants answers, he’s going to have to… enter himself… and the ten-year-old girl… into a fighting tournament… um… Actually, that’s kind of fucked up.
After defeating Johann, the Black Dragon appears and absorbs the demonic presence from within Alice. Becoming whole, it laughs at Elias for serving the girl to it on a silver platter. With no more need for Alice, the Black Dragon causes the building to crumble. Alice is about to be crushed by debris, when Elias saves her at the last second.
He insists that she runs, despite her wishes to help him. She escapes, but the place goes down, seemingly killing Elias. Later, we see a lonely Alice sitting on a swing. She’s free of the evil presence, but she’s also without Elias, making her truly alone. Unseen and unheard by Alice, Elias watches in the background, saying that he’ll always be watching over her. She’s now able to choose her own path, but Elias’ path is clear. The Lord wants him to kick that Black Dragon’s ass and that’s exactly what he’s set to do.
165) Tattoo Assassins – LUKE CORD
I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I just needed to include one more of these endings.
The game’s story deals with some random people whose tattoos are magic and they can use them to attack. The rock star guy has skeleton-related attacks, the yakuza guy can use a two-headed dragon, etc. Luke Cord, a wrongly-accused Navy SEAL on the run from the law, got stuck with an octopus tattoo on his chest. I guess it could be worse. For one, you could be independent pro wrestler Icarus.
Luke’s ending shows him on the cover of newspaper Sea Food Today. It’s said that he’s been able to clear his name and the man behind his supposed crimes is behind bars. Then he goes to Hollywood and stars in a successful sitcom.
And that’s out there, but not too out there. A lot of fighting game endings end with, “Then he goes to Hollywood and becomes a star.” Besides, the game is filled with weird crap already.
Then I see the picture on the side, where we see what his show is.
I laughed way too hard at this terrible joke. Way too hard.
164) Power Instinct 2 – SAIZO HATTORI
All of the endings in the Power Instinct series are comedic, but almost all of them miss the mark. In the first two games, the plot is that there’s a tournament where whoever can defeat the final boss wins leadership of her ninja clan. In other words, you have an entire army of ninjas to do your bidding. A prime idea that never meets its potential.
Saizo Hattori is a dark ninja wearing a more helmet-y ninja mask, like Shredder. He never takes it off and it’s kind of a mystery why. Is he hiding horrible scars? Is he even human? What is his big secret?
At the end of the second game, he’s rewarded with a crown and ninja henchman Kuroko asks him to remove his mask so that he can properly fit the crown on his head. Saizo refuses. Kuroko doesn’t understand why. Saizo removes his mask and faces away from Kuroko, explaining his reasons.
The real reason Saizo refuses to ever show his face is because he’s been wearing that damn mask for so long that he’s gained really unfortunate tan lines. He whines that he looks like a raccoon, so the mask stays on, no matter what.
163) Tekken Tag Tournament 2 – LEI WULONG
Lot of fighting games feature characters based on real people or preexisting characters. While there’s the occasional Jackie Chan pastiche – for instance, Fatal Fury’s Hon Fu – a lot of games fall back on Bruce Lee. Tekken happens to have both a Jackie Chan via Lei Wulong and a Bruce Lee via Marshall Law. Well, I suppose they have two Bruce Lees, since Marshall’s son Forest is also Bruce Lee, but that’s beside the point.
Lei and Law aren’t really connected via story. Lei is an action cop, usually chasing after the game’s bad guys, while Law is a mediocre chef with a taste for get-rich-quick schemes. Still, such a match-up is hard to resist and Tekken Tag 2 gives us just that.
Lei is eating alone at Law’s restaurant and Law quietly walks by. Lei playfully trips him, but Law catches himself and lands unharmed. He takes this as a challenge, so the two have an impromptu sparring session. It’s extremely fun to watch, as the animators do a great job nailing down Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan’s distinct fighting styles. Fighting back and forth, the two leap at each other and proceed to simultaneously land a bone-crunching kick to the other’s face.
The two decide to call it a draw.
162) Street Fighter: The Movie (Playstation) – E. HONDA
Street Fighter: the Movie is the target that never stops being fun to attack. Personally, I love the flick, but it is a gigantic pile of stupid. Especially with how it got its own video game spinoff. I was so happy to find out that the arcade and home versions of the game feature completely different endings. It’s like when you put a dollar in a vending machine and get two candy bars.
Honda goes back to being a sumo and dominates the sport, finally achieving the title of grand champion. He’s so dominant that the only challenge he gets is when his new friend Zangief (even in this continuity they’re sudden BFFs) stops by the dojo for a practice bout. Here’s Honda’s record against Zangief, along with a picture of Honda eating a sandwich for absolutely no reason.
161) Rival School: United by Fate – ROY BROMWELL
Rival Schools is about a city in Japan where teenagers have been going missing and sometimes reappear brainwashed. Representatives from different schools have started investigating, all paranoid about who might be behind it. Among the ill-tempered teens is Roy Bromwell, a football-playing American exchange student from preppy Pacific High School. Roy is the racist jerk who hates the game’s main character Batsu and pretty much all of Japan. Nobody really remembers him, mainly because his girlfriend Tiffany looks like this.
To this day, I don’t get what the fuck is going on with Tiffany’s outfit. I understand that they’re trying to go for titillation and she’s American, but really… what the hell? “All right, Roy! I’m ready to help save our school! First let me put on my half-leotard, do-rag, boxing gloves and garter belt suspenders that also hold up my star bra! Let them all cower at the sight of my underboob! …Crap, I can’t pick this wedgie with these gloves.”
By the end of the game, Roy’s learned his lesson. He’s no longer closed-minded and has become good friends with Batsu. He almost wishes he could stay in Japan, but knows that he can help them better via returning to America. Fast forward 20 years and Roy’s helped everyone by growing one sweet beard.
Oh, and also he’s the President of the United States, using his experiences with the whole mind-control episode as inspiration to cooperate with Japan and make them America’s greatest ally. In other words, he follows in the footsteps of Mike Haggar by going into office after beating up a whole lot of people. I love politics in the Street Fighter universe.