It’s kind of a bad time for my writing. All my go-to articles have been running dry. Jeph Loeb stopped writing Ultimate Marvel comics, so no more of that. I’ve finished writing about Venom. I don’t have too many wrestling PPV shows to rank and review. Just as bad, Marvel has stopped releasing novelizations of their movies. I can no longer know the story of movies in the Avengers Saga a month or so before they’re released. Because of that, I can’t do any informative lists that show all the scenes that were taken out of the original version of the screenplay.

Or can I? While yes, it appears that there isn’t any novelization for Captain America: The First Avenger, that doesn’t mean I’m empty handed. I called in some favors and got to see the extended original cut of the movie. Oh, man. You won’t believe some of the stuff they got rid of! Mostly because it’s all lies.

An entire hour was cut. Removed scenes include:

– A scene where pre-experiment Steve Rogers gets sand kicked in his face at the beach. He meant to gamble a stamp and send a couple bucks to Charles Atlas to make him a man, but got distracted by news of Pearl Harbor.

– When playing hangman with Bucky, he had only one turn left and only the first letter revealed. After biting on his pencil for a moment, he asked if that letter stood for France. Lucky guess.

– When talking with Erskine, the two of them had a long, hearty laugh about how Disney had released a cartoon where Donald Duck was a Nazi. Steve kept insisting, “This is a thing that actually exists! Look it up! Donald is saluting Hitler and everything!” He later had this same conversation with Colonel Phillips, Peggy and even Red Skull. I’m not sure exactly why Marvel would remove this reference.

– When Red Skull steals the first Cosmic Cube and shatters it on the ground for being a forgery, he then curses a blue streak and realizes that he just busted up the real thing after all. Much of his villain plot is based on him trying to find glue and tape, which was scarce in Nazi Germany.

– Much like Arnim Zola was introduced via his face reflected off a monitor, the character of Helmut Zemo was there too. He was introduced by putting his hands behind his back and his shoeless feet on the table while the shot lingered on his purple socks.

– Zemo was actually portrayed as a good guy throughout the movie and was won over by Steve Rogers’ bravado and never-say-die attitude. Then in a post-credits scene, he became evil for no reason whatsoever other than that he was evil in the comics. They were smart enough to remove that. I mean, heh, what kind of rinky-dink superhero movie would pull a bush league stunt like that?

– As Steve was prepped up for the serum treatment, Cable appeared and asked if anyone had seen his wallet around before vanishing.

– After the experiment, as Steve kneeled over the dying body of Erskine, Booster Gold tapped him on the shoulder and asked if he had seen Cable around.

– Instead of a boy, the Hydra assassin took a grown man hostage and threw him into the water below. When Steve went to save him, he said, “Don’t worry, I can swim for I am Prince Namor of Atlantis! Go get him!”

– Steve and Colonel Phillips got in a heated argument over Steve’s desire to fight in the war, which escalated to Phillips ranting about how “The First Avenger” makes no sense. Thor has been alive way longer and he should be considered the first Avenger.

– Red Skull’s laugh was an audio clip of his “huhuhuhuhuhuh!” laugh from the Captain America and the Avengers arcade game.

– More was shown of the Captain America “buy war bonds!” propaganda shows, including how he rose up the ranks of opening for a minstrel show to having the minstrel show open for him.

– Dum Dum Dugan kept telling everyone that in Marvel 616 continuity, he once punched a human-sized Godzilla. He seriously would not shut up about it.

– When Captain America met Red Skull for the first time, Red Skull pulled off his flesh mask to reveal his skeletal features underneath. Then he turned around and spat fire onto an unsuspecting Sub-Zero.

– Howard Stark admitted to Steve that he had in fact never had sex before and was saving himself for another couple decades in order to have a son while in his 50’s. Steve nodded and said, “Naturally!”

– Patriotic WWF wrestler Hacksaw Jim Duggan was going to be recruited into the Howling Commandos, but Marvel ultimately nixed it. Not because of the anachronism, but because his last name was too similar to Dum Dum’s.

– Captain America was too immersed with the unbreakable shield invention that he ignored Howard’s other weapon options. “This next one I call the Infinity Gauntlet. It gives you power over time, space, reality—Steve? Steve, are you listening to me? Hello?”

– Captain America would run into action while yelling “First Avenger Assemble!” but Bucky had to pull him aside and explain to him that it made zero sense and everyone was starting to question his sanity.

– The Howling Commandos kept busting into the house of comedian Red Skelton in a case of mistaken identity. This got old after the third time.

– There’s a hot scene where Steve and Peggy fondue. It’s extremely graphic. I mean, she fondues his brains out! The stuff they do with that cheese wouldn’t even fly in a MAX book.

– Despite Steve’s inability to get drunk, Howard Stark was still able to drink him under the table.

– Captain America finished off Red Skull with the Final Justice.

This is great closure to their earlier meeting, where Cap hadn’t built up three super levels yet.

– The heartbreaking final romantic discussion between Steve and Peggy over the radio was far better than the original final discussion where Steve said, “What’s this button do?” and Peggy lost his signal.

– The female SHIELD agent was honest with Steve about who she was and what happened to him. When she looked downward and snickered uncontrollably, he got indignant and yelled, “HEY! I was frozen for 70 years!”

– Samuel L. Jackson’s Nick Fury told Steve that he had been asleep for a long, long time. He followed that by telling him to, “Go the fuck back to sleep!”

– The final line was Steve being broken up about how he forgot to return a library book before enlisting. “That librarian’s estate is going to kill me for this…”

– The most shocking reveal in the Avengers trailer after the credits? Andy Samberg as Quail Man. Here’s hoping he’s true to the comics.

Seriously, though. If you haven’t seen Captain America yet, check it out. In my opinion, Captain America > Iron Man > Thor > Incredible Hulk > Iron Man 2. Next May is going to have a 5-movie marathon, I can tell you.

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Posted in 4thletter exclusives, Deleted Scenes, Lists, movies by Gavok |