Archive for March, 2010


Five Years Blogging: A Life Well Wasted 09

March 28th, 2010 Posted by david brothers

Chad has part 08!

DB: That links thing is a great idea. Gavin has a table of contents page, but that thing has hundreds of posts. I’ll have to do that… after I forget to do it for forever and then do it all one night at 2 in the morning because I feel guilty. Which is, in fact, more or less how I get my blogging done. My sleeping schedule went all off-kilter for a lot of 2009, and I pretty much had something like three to four hours a day for the latter quarter of the year, weekends excepted. So, you know, I got a lot of writing done.

Guilt helps, and it’s a pretty good motivator. People send me books out of the blue now, which is enormously flattering, but it tends to lead to a stack of unread or unreviewed books on my table. Ask Esther– every time she comes over to do a podcast, I’ve added half a dozen books to the stack and someone sent me a couple others. So, guilt makes me sit down and go “I need to talk about this so I haven’t wasted someone else’s money.” Sometimes it works out really well. Sometimes I don’t like a book until I re-read it with an eye toward a review, and the increased focus opens up new pathways in the text.

But the only motivator that really matters, the only one I really pay regular attention to (sorry deadlines, I love you but I don’t like you), is my personal feelings on a book. If it was a book that left me with nothing more to say than “Welp, that sure was a comic book,” I don’t talk about it. (Once I started applying that to my pull list, I suddenly started buying fewer comics.) I need to have some kind of strong reaction to a comic, be it positive or negative. Books that I care about, or hate, or that threw me for a loop, or provoked some kind of emotional response beyond “Whooo comics!” are the books that bug me like a splinter. I need to say something about them, I want to talk to people about them, I want people to tell me what I missed, and I want to organize my thoughts on them so that I better understand them.

A good example is that issue of The Brave & The Bold where the boring Flash goes back to World War II and has a good cry about how great the Greatest Generation was while they die all around him. I wasn’t going to read it at first, because that series had been a pit of mediocrity (with a couple highlights) for a long time, but David Uzumeri read it and egged me on. So, you know, I read it, and wow. I hadn’t hated a comic book like that in a long time. And I think it shows in the review.

Another great motivator is getting into the conversation. I tend to agree with Tucker on the subject of critical discourse: “who cares?” If I feel like I should say something because everyone else is doing it, I generally refrain from jumping in. I’d rather talk about what I like and let the discourse build organically. There’ve been times when I was going to write about something, some new book or hot button issue, but kept putting it off, and then Jog or Matthew Brady post about it and I just throw my hands up in defeat because they did it so much better than I would have. (More than a few times. I love those guys.) But if other people are writing about something, and it’s something I’m hyped about and have a perspective or point that they missed, I’ll definitely hop in. But never just because I feel like I have to.

Does that make sense? Is it hypocritical? I dunno. But I’m with you- I don’t want to write a lot without really having anything to say.

The thing about my process is that at some point, I think fairly early in high school, I realized that I hated writing drafts. You mean to tell me that I have to write something twice? So I’d basically write a finished essay for the first draft, save it, reverse-engineer that into an outline, then chop out a paragraph or two, intentionally botch some grammar (commas are easy to mis-use and easy to fix!), and turn that in as the first draft. I’d get feedback, incorporate whatever fixes whatever actually mattered into my pristine final document, and turn that in. So, yeah, I was a) an amazing underachiever and b) impossibly arrogant, but it worked. And that’s affected how I write for myself to this day, save in the day job. I have to do outlines for clients whenever I’m working on a new book, but my outlines tend to be these hyper-detailed monsters, several pages in length with every key point and feature and idea integrated into the mix. On 4l! and elsewhere? I just go at it.

At best, as far as planning goes, I work with brief notes. Just a couple lines of things I want to touch on, maybe a sentence I want to use, and a few quotes to springboard a paragraph or two. Normally, I start with a blank screen and just go. That usually ends up with me rearranging paragraphs in editing and chopping out a couple hundred words once I’m finished. In fact, I did that with this response. The high school story came after this paragraph before.

This method is easy for me because I’m generally thinking posts over for hours before I start writing. I know exactly what I want to say, just not how I’m actually going to say it. By the time I’m sitting down to actually do it, I can just pound it out and get it done. I try to be careful and source things I write about, like writers, artists, images, and dates, and that takes some time. The actual writing itself, though, is a pretty smooth process.

The Black History Month series every year are killers. I love them, and I like doing them (particularly because, as you said, who else is? precious few.), but they’re tiring and draining above and beyond the normal posts. This year I did something different, posting only about BHM during February (and focusing strictly on the positive), which I think helped my focus but increased my stress. I mean, that last weekend of February– I was awake for maybe twelve hours, total, across Saturday and Sunday. I was completely beat, just thoroughly drained.

By the end of each and every year of posts, I just want to quit talking about black people and comics entirely because it’s such an unpleasant experience. But that isn’t true– the experience is also wonderful and enlightening for myself. It’s just very stressful, because I’m trying to live up to whatever impossible imaginary standard I’ve set for myself. I generally just keep my head down and barrel through and things tend to work out okay. Have you ever had trouble writing something you wanted to do? How’d you get past it?

CN: I find that stress you feel a little hard to imagine since I have nothing like that. I’m a white heterosexual male, so I’ve never felt any pressure to discuss things from any of those perspectives and it’s difficult to know what it’s like to do so or to feel like you ‘should’ do so. No one expects anything like that from me — nor do I expect it from myself.

I do have problems writing essays and posts sometimes. I have a couple of documents on my desktop. One is a list of books to do reread reviews on for CSBG and the other is a list of topics for essays/posts on comics. And both lists just keep growing. I’m awful at actually writing things for the blog unless I either have a deadline or am trying to avoid doing other work. That’s why I like doing things like blogathons or themed months/weeks/whatever. By saying in public that I will be doing a series of posts on a set schedule, I can’t really put them off. If I say that you’re getting a new post every day, then I have to do that post every day. Without an external reason to do something, I’m really bad at getting things done. Sometimes, when I’m lucky, an idea will come to me and I’ll be so excited that I’ll just do it without thinking too much, but that’s rare. I’ve had a shortcut to a word document about The Programme and Thomas Pynchon sitting on my desktop for a couple of months and I just never work on it, because there’s always something else to do — or some way to waste time that doesn’t involve doing that.

One thing that I keep wanting to do is the write-up of Automatic Kafka as part of my examination of Joe Casey’s comics. I haven’t done some of his recent stuff, but this is the big hole in my analysis. It’s intimidating since the book is so important and central to his body of work that I’ve never felt ready to take it on. Of course, there’s nothing stopping me from doing it and then going back and revising my writing in a few years.

Then again, some ideas I have for essays are just good ideas that I know I’ll never do because they’re too big or don’t really interest me. One idea is for an essay on ‘the universe as a character’ when looking at Marvel and DC, which sounds great, but doesn’t really appeal to me as a writer. At least right now.

It’s also difficult to read books sometimes without feeling like I should then write about them. One thing I’ve noticed about blogging and reviewing is that it makes reading comics a bit of a chore at times. Not all of the time or even the majority of the times, but sometimes. Sometimes, I just want to read my books and not worry about what I think about them and how I can express those thoughts and opinions to others. So, I’ve been trying to read books at times just because I want to, not to write about. I recently reread Marvel 1602 for that purpose. I had the urge to reread it, so I did. I had no intention of writing about it and I haven’t. Has that ever been a problem for you? I think it’s affected me more as a reviewer for CBR where I’ll finish one week’s worth of reviews only for the next batch to begin and it’s every week without a break… then again, I have my own issues with the never-ending, ongoing parts of life (why can’t I just take a break from sleeping or eating or waking up once in a while? come on!).

Chad has part nine!

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The Wrestlemania Countdown: Day Eleven

March 28th, 2010 Posted by Gavok

This was supposed to be up last night, but the stupid website was down until about an hour ago. Bullshit. I’ll have to post Day Twelve tomorrow instead.

For one last Tales of Wrestlemania, we might as well look at the guy whose name is synonymous with the show. Shawn Michaels, who calls himself “Mr. Wrestlemania” has a ton of Wrestlemania appearances and it makes for a good synopsis of his storied career.

Wrestlemania 5: He and Marty Jannetty lose decisively against the Twin Towers.

Wrestlemania 6: He and Marty lose another match, but at least it’s because of cheating.

Wrestlemania 7: Finally, he and Marty win a match.

Wrestlemania 8: Michaels is on his own as a heel, managed by Sensational Sherri. The commentators can’t stop talking about how Michaels is destined for the Intercontinental Championship.

Wrestlemania 9: Michaels is now the Intercontinental Champion as predicted. He keeps his title despite losing his match. Also, Sherri is now out to get him.

Wrestlemania 10: Michaels starts going down the road of being a dick, which is what ultimately causes the ladder match against Razor Ramon for the undisputed Intercontinental Champion. Michaels loses the match and the title.

Wrestlemania 11: A year after the ladder match, Michaels has moved up the ladder and gets a world title shot. It isn’t the true main event and he does lose, but he’s made it this far.

Wrestlemania 12: Take two! Half of the show is dedicated to Michaels winning the belt off Bret Hart. When he wins, he continues to be a dick towards Bret.

Wrestlemania 13: Speaking of being a dick to Bret, he ducks out of wrestling at the show and dropping the title to Bret because he lost his smile. Still shows up with a big intro anyway and commentates the main event. Puts over the Undertaker huge, even though they haven’t met in the ring yet.

Wrestlemania 14: His back is messed up and he has to retire. He drops the title to Steve Austin, though there are rumors that he was reluctant to do so. He steps away from wrestling for the most part and the Attitude Era begins.

Wrestlemania 15: Just because he can’t wrestle doesn’t mean he can’t make an appearance. He appears prior to the main event to tell off Vince McMahon with threats to take him down physically if need be.

Wrestlemania 16: Michaels is relegated to just showing up for Fan Axxess and signing autographs while one overzealous fan yells at the camera that they should bring him back. He vanishes from the scene for the next two Wrestlemanias.

Wrestlemania 19: Michaels has made a shocking recovery from his back problems and is back in the ring. He’s no longer the young up-and-comer. He’s now the veteran, facing Chris Jericho, who is essentially the younger version of Michaels.

Wrestlemania 20: Swerves his way into the main event title match, but it isn’t meant to be. He loses without being involved in the finale.

Wrestlemania 21: Wrestles Kurt Angle in what is essentially callback to Wrestlemania 12. Angle is angry that Michaels’ 1996 showing trumped him winning a gold medal.

Wrestlemania 22: Michaels faces Vince McMahon and destroys him in an angle that could be portrayed as Michaels destroying a representative of what kind of man he used to be.

Wrestlemania 23: Michaels goes to the main event against the champion, but Michaels doesn’t win. At his level, he no longer truly needs the title.

Wrestlemania 24: Defeats Ric Flair and, as part of the stipulation, Flair has to retire. An important landmark in Michaels’ career.

Wrestlemania 25: Puts his own legendary list of Wrestlemania accomplishments against the Undertaker. He fights hard to get to this match, beating JBL and Kozlov for the right, but falls just short of victory.

Wrestlemania 26: It all comes to a head. He can’t let that loss stand. Defeating the Undertaker at Wrestlemania is all that’s left for him to do. If he can’t succeed, he will do like Flair two years before and walk away from the squared circle.

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Art Imitating Life

March 27th, 2010 Posted by david brothers

Yesterday’s Dinosaur Comics is pretty much how every podcast pre-recording session goes between me and Esther:

In this situation, I am T-Rex and she is Utahraptor.

True story.

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Five Years Blogging: A Life Well Wasted 07

March 27th, 2010 Posted by david brothers

We’re still talking blogging! Chad has part six, this is part seven!

DB: I used to make the Casey/Kelly mistake off and on when I was getting back into comics. It doesn’t help that they’re both involved with man of Action, they’ve both had runs on Superman, and have done several books that I’m extremely fond of. Also they’re both named Joe, and I mean, people barely pay enough attention to know how to spell Frank Quitely, it seems like

And you’re right– Wildcats 3.0 was the eye-opener for me. I want to say that I was pretty high off The Invisibles and these new and amazing comics that actually meant things, maybe partway through the series, and a friend pointed me at 3.0. I dove into it blind, only familiar with the original WildC.A.T.s, and loved it. Dustin Nguyen’s art was a huge surprise to me, expressive and action-packed, and he’s been a favorite ever since. Casey hit the “Comics for grown-ups” spot in a way that very few people had, and 3.0 has been a personal favorite ever since. It’s flawed, sometimes hilariously so, but one of those books that I enjoy basically cover to cover.

I worked my way backwards from there, reading his runs on Wildcats and Mr. Majestic midway through 3.0. I never made it as far back as his ’90s Marvel work. I’m not sure why, but it never seemed like something I needed to do. His Wildstorm work seemed like all I need to know, you know? Excepting Automatic Kafka, I mean. I never got into that one.

I followed Casey from there, hopping back over to Marvel after The Intimates went out in a blaze of… something. I read a few of his Roy Thomas/Geoff Johns books over there- Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, First Family, a few others- and found them ranging from pretty cool to being kinda boring. I was into Godland for a while, too, but fell behind in trades. I’ve heard that it’s wrapping soon, so I’ll grab it in bulk then and tear through.

Casey struck me as a differently kind of accessible Grant Morrison. Not more accessible, exactly, but a different kind of accessible. They both can play around with psychedelic and traditional superhero frameworks in their work, but they approach it from different, though complementary, angles. I think I like him best when he’s in his Wildcats 3.0 mode, which is reflected in his Youngblood, The Intimates, and Final Crisis Aftermath: Dance. Playing with public relations, the idea of what makes a hero, youth culture, all of that really tickles my fancy. I recently reread Casey’s run on Uncanny X-Men, and I can see why the editors picked him to write alongside Morrison. I wish it had worked out better than it did, but there are kernels of great ideas there, and once Casey hits his stride, he’s off the book.

It’s similar to your point about his work on the human level of things. People working out how to be heroes, or trying to be heroes in the face of everything around them fighting against them, is endlessly fascinating to me. Even old Luke Cage comics scratch that itch for me.

Where do you see yourself going with GraphiContent and your other work? I know you wear several hats as far as writing online goes- are all the gigs a stepping stone on your way to a dream job or are you already there?

CN: I’m definitely not there, but I seem to be on my way. Go back to before October 2008 and all I was doing was GraphiContent, so in the year and a bit since then, I’ve managed to get a pretty sweet gig doing reviews for CBR, got invited to join Comics Should be Good, and earned a spot co-writing a wrestling column at (which has led to other writing for that site). Now, only one of those gigs actually pays (and not nearly enough to live on — enough to buy comics, though, which is pretty damn great), so I’m not where I want to be, which is a full-time writer, but things are progressing. I’ve never thought of GraphiContent as a means to that, oddly enough. I’ve always approach the blog as a place where I’d post my thoughts on comics because I want to write about comics. I’ve never used a hit counter, because attracting an audience was never a goal. Writing on there was for me first and if anyone else liked it, well that’s good, too.

Beyond the blog, I also write fiction and have a Master’s in English with a specialisation in creative writing, so I’ve been pursuing fiction writing, too. For my Master’s, I wrote a novel as my thesis and have been sending it out. I have a short story coming out in an anthology of Canadian writers under 30 this spring that I actually just got the proofs for, which was an odd experience in a good way. I will admit that my fiction writing has been overtaken by the online stuff this past year, which I’m hoping to change.

I know you recently got a new gig writing for Comic Alliance, so is your goal to make a living off of this as well? Do you just do non-fiction criticism stuff or do you dabble in fiction as well?

Chad has part 08!

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The Wrestlemania Countdown: Day Ten

March 26th, 2010 Posted by Gavok

Today’s Tales of Wrestlemania is about Lex Luger.

Wrestlemania 8: Lex isn’t even wrestling. He’s being used for the World Bodybuilding Federation and appears to talk to Bobby Heenan about how jacked he is. Then he drinks some milk. Waste of time.

Wrestlemania 9: They’re really pushing Lex by not only going over Mr. Perfect, but claiming that he beat up Bret Hart earlier in the day. Unfortunately for the Narcissist, this match with Bret will never come to be.

Wrestlemania 10: Having become a patriotic Hogan knockoff, Lex has a title shot against Yokozuna. Despite all these hints that he and Bret are going to meet in the finals, Lex is screwed over by the man he beat just a year earlier: Mr. Perfect. Dang.

Wrestlemania 11: Any momentum Lex has ever had is long gone. Now he’s relegated to teaming up with the British Bulldog and opening the show. He still won’t be having any matches with Bret because he’s no longer in his league. That’s harsh.

Which reminds me, I remember a rumor that Lex was going to win the title at Wrestlemania 10, but blabbed it to a reporter and they had to change the booking of the show. I never found out if that was bullshit or not.

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Til there’s none.

March 26th, 2010 Posted by Esther Inglis-Arkell

Batman wearing a Bathead.  That will never stop being awesome, and I will always be a little bit placated whenever I see it.  That’s just how it’s going to be around here.

Look at that art.  Look at it!

And oh my god, the clasp on the cape is another bat! 

DC, sometimes you are smooth.

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Five Years Blogging: A Life Well Wasted 05

March 26th, 2010 Posted by david brothers

We’re doing it and doing it and doing it well! Chad has part 4! This is part 5!

DB: I’ve had a slightly different experience. It leads to a lot more off-the-cuff remarks, brief bursts of info from myself regarding whatever book I just finished reading or whatever subject I care to talk about. I kinda like how, barring extra late nights, I can post an update about the latest issue of Amazing Spider-Man or throw up a link to some amazing art I found and get an almost instantaneous response. It extends the Wednesday-at-the-shop experience over the course of a week.

You’re definitely right about 140 characters being a real constraint, but I’ve found that it really forces you to get to the point. Writing posts tend to involve a certain amount of beating around the bush sometimes, though I’ve been trying to break that habit. Sometimes I want to soften the blow before bringing the hammer down on a book, or explain the context of where I’m coming from. With Twitter, there’s no context and no room for softening. You have enough room for “That was a really bad issue, and I’m pretty appalled that anybody in that company thought it was worth publishing. Why even bother?” It’s all very blunt, but I appreciate that. Sometimes I’m reading a post and just waiting for someone to actually make a declarative statement– be it “this book is good” or “this book is bad.” With Twitter, that’s all you have.

I’ve found Twitter most helpful when it comes to getting book recommendations. #MangaMonday has been a huge help for me in finding new manga to read, not to mention people being excited about books I’d never heard of before.

Here’s a different direction- how do you find stuff to read and review for the blog? What’s your type of comic and do you have trouble stepping out of that comfort zone?

CN: To be fair, I’m usually a pretty direct guy, so Twitter hasn’t changed that. One of the things I hate most about my writing is how direct it is and how tough I find it to write really long posts at times because I’ll say in one sentence what others seem to take five to say. I don’t know why I see that as a bad thing, though… probably has to do with minimums on essays in school.

I’m a pretty ‘mainstream’ guy in that most of the comics I buy are from Marvel or DC. A lot of the non-Marvel/DC comics are written by guys who I discovered at those companies like Warren Ellis and Garth Ennis. It’s a weakness that I have tried to overcome and keep on trying to overcome. But, given money issues, it can be hard to step outside of the comfort zone. Or, rather, not being able to afford to possibly waste your money on something you’ll hate is an excuse to stick with what you know. I’ve used the CBR gig as a chance to try some new things, but even that’s fairly limited to the regular Marvel/DC output for the majority of my reviews because, well, that’s what the majority of readers want to read reviews of. But, when I get the chance, I’ll try anything new if someone whose opinion I trust recommends it. If I see you or Tim or Tucker or Jog praise something quite heavily, I’ll usually write it down or make a point to remember it somehow. You mention manga, of which I own exactly two books. I know! Shameful. The two books, though, were purchased because I saw a lot of praise for them from people whose opinions I trust/agree with and I loved both. (The books being Ode to Kirihito by Tezuka and Tekkonkinkreet by Matsumoto.) I’m pretty open to giving anything a shot if people say it’s good (and I have the cash to spare).

My reviews on my blog are usually just whatever books I bought that week and didn’t review for CBR. For the longer essays/posts that are different… that just depends on if I have something special to say. Usually it will be motivated by looking out and seeing that no one has said anything yet. I did my post on Brian Azzarello’s Deathblow because I hadn’t seen anyone else really talking about it. That’s how I got started on Casey’s work and Starlin’s… even the Bendis Avengers stuff was because I hadn’t seen anyone really tackle all of it as a whole despite his work being dismissed for only reading well in bulk… I like to be a little different, I guess.

My pull list these days is pretty much determined by creator. I’ll buy almost everything by Warren Ellis, Joe Casey, Grant Morrison… I’ll usually give Vertigo books a shot if they seem interesting. Some small press stuff like glamourpuss and Rasl I buy because I’ve read so many great things about Sim and Smith’s work that I didn’t want to miss out on them this time (and I love both books).

I don’t know what my type of comic is. Do Joe Casey and Warren Ellis have a lot in common really? I think my type of comic is the sort that approaches the material (whatever that may be) with genuine intelligence and an attempt to not simply do the same old thing. People accuse Ellis, to give an example, of doing the same thing over and over, but that’s not true as anyone who actually pays attention to him knows. His characters may not change, but his approach to writing books, to creating comics, is always in flux as he works to do new things and find new ways to communicate in the medium. It’s not always obvious and may be something as simple as releasing a bunch of three-issue minis to see how structuring a story across 66 pages works, but it’s something. It’s more than a lot of people try. Casey is the same way, always trying new things, always experimenting… I like people who try new things within the confines of pop comics. Of balancing the needs of experimentation and entertaining. Go too far in either direction and it’s a little boring. Of course, how Bendis’s Avengers work for Marvel fits into that is questionable, I know. Ha.

I’ll admit that some books will get a look before others because of that whole ‘I loved the character as a kid and I can’t help myself’ bullshit. I gave Straczynski’s Thor six issues to win me over because I like Thor. And it won me over. I know you have a similar thing for Spider-Man. Those characters that we’ll check in on for no reason other than we like them. Do you ever find that mentality a little weird? How you do buy/find books? Did what I just say make sense? Heh.

Want to read part 6? Click!

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Yo! 4thletter! Raps! 01

March 26th, 2010 Posted by david brothers

Being a quick roundup, with commentary, of my favorite music videos of the week. A weekly feature, barring a week where no one with talent releases a music video worth watching. This first week is playing catchup a little, so you might’ve seen some of these before. Videos subject to go down for copyright violations, so browse wisely.

Big Boi – Fo Yo Sorrows feat. Too Short, George Clinton, SamChris
Let’s be honest: I grew up on OutKast, and they are definitely the greatest rap group of all time. Andre 3000 built a rep as the poet and Big Boi as the pimp, but over the past few years, Big Boi has shown that both halves of the duo are both skilled on the mic and eccentric on the beats. This video features Too $hort, who is way older than I expected but still the same old G on his four bars, and “Just to let you know that everything is straight/I say stank you very much ’cause we appreciate the hate/Now go get yourself a handgun, you fuckin wit a great/ Put it your mouth and squeeze it like your morning toothpaste.”

And, most importantly, it’s a music video with an extended break, something that probably hasn’t happened since the last time OutKast dropped.

Pac Div – Shut Up f. The Cool Kids
This beat is tremendous– it’s the kind of sparse speaker music that really knocks. Something to ride to with the volume all the way turned up. The way the beat spins down between verses… I’m a fan. “Don’t talk to me about fashion, dog, you be wildin/You still think Coogi stylin, who’s the stylist?”

Below the cut: Reflection Eternal, Joell Ortiz, Bobby Ray, and more Reflection Eternal.
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Clears Away the Cobwebs and the Sorrow

March 25th, 2010 Posted by Esther Inglis-Arkell

Power Girl’s cat has been amazing and delighting us for decades.  It is Alfred to her Bruce, chocolate to her peanut butter, Simon to her everyone else on American Idol.  It’s the Candy in her land, the Trivial in her Pursuit, it adds the poly to her Mono.

I could go on.  Trust me.  I love that damn cat.

Here’s hoping the thing is always featured in the many Winnick issues to come.

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The Wrestlemania Countdown: Day Nine

March 25th, 2010 Posted by Gavok

For today’s Tales of Wrestlemania, we’ll do a double. First, King Kong Bundy.

Wrestlemania 1: Bundy appears in the second match and annihilates Special Delivery Jones in seconds. Obviously, this guy has momentum.

Wrestlemania 2: That momentum has brought him to the main event against Hulk Hogan for the title. Bundy loses the match and has nowhere to go but down.

Wrestlemania 3: He’s fallen so far that he’s now in a comedy mixed tag match featuring four midgets and Hillbilly Jim. That’s like hitting rock bottom.

Wrestlemania 11: He returns and is used as a threat of the week against the Undertaker. He’s handily beaten. But hey, at least your Wrestlemania career still looks better than SD Jones!

Here’s a quick one for Yokozuna.

Wrestlemania 9: Yokozuna’s Wrestlemania debut has him win the main event against Bret Hart through cheating. He gets the title, but foolishly challenges Hulk Hogan and loses the belt. It’s not too bad. He’s still the top heel of the company.

Wrestlemania 10: After Bret loses to Owen in the opening bout, Yokozuna is able to get past his first round match with Lex Luger thanks to a crooked referee. It takes a year, but Bret Hart finally avenges his loss from the previous show. There goes Yokozuna’s belt.

Wrestlemania 11: Yokozuna falls down the card, but who better to team with than Bret’s other opponent from last year, Owen Hart? The two win the tag titles off the Smoking Gunns. This looks like the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Wrestlemania 12: Got bad news, Yokozuna. First, you and Owen are now enemies. Second, we’re feeding you to Vader, so you’re yesterday’s news. And third, you really, really need to do something about that nasty pube beard of yours. Don’t you own a mirror?

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