Join Batman’s Book Club

October 29th, 2008 by | Tags: , , ,
Because to read makes his speaking English good.

Because to read makes his speaking English good.

In a recent post I wrote about authors I would like to see write comic book novelizations. In the comments I mentioned that some characters in comics had also written books. I want those books. What can I say? Some people want action figures, I want these.

Of course, I already mentioned the book I would most insist on having, but I’ll do it again, because it’s too good not to repeat. In Batman: Gotham Adventures #10 Harley Quinn is released from Arkham Asylum and the news reports that she is writing a tell-all book. In the end it turned out that she was writing a ‘Harley Quinn Romance’ called Masks of Love in which a vigilante called Owlman fell in love with a master criminal called Punchinello the Clown Girl. A bodice-ripping romance written by a recovering psychopath about her ex-boyfriend’s arch-enemy. Yes, I know that DC would get it written by someone too insignificant to insist on their name on the cover, but you can’t tell me that that wouldn’t be a fantastic read and sell like crazy.

Batgirl's right.  Listen to her.

Batgirl's right. Listen to her.

There are other books in the DCU that I’d be interested in reading. Wonder Woman wrote a book designed to spark debate about politics and morality, which sounds dull, but you’d only need a few hints about Amazonian girl-on-girl-on-girl-on-girl-on-immortal-warrior-girl ceremonies to spice it up. Also, the cover was supposed to have been done by Kyle Raynor. Lois Lane’s evolving articles on Superman would make a great little book.

Yeah.  You'd read the crap out of that book.  Admit it.

Yeah. You'd read the crap out of that book. Admit it.

And then there are the diaries. A surprising amount of people in costumes and masks keep journals. The one I’d like to see is Alfred Pennyworth’s. I think he would have a very different take on that fateful night when a bat came crashing through the window and inspired Bruce Wayne to take on a certain persona in order to strike fear into the hearts of criminals. I have a feeling that it would be something cutting yet classy, followed by a long lament about how it feels to listen to someone rant on and on about how cowardly and superstitious criminals are while having to scrub guano out of the rug.

Just do what Batman does and wear protection.

Just do what Batman does and wear protection.

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One comment to “Join Batman’s Book Club”

  1. That last one is probably Harley’s best line, in anything, ever.