Don’t act like you wouldn’t wear it.

And don’t act like I wouldn’t wear this.

All I need in this life of sin,
Is me and my girlfriend
Down to ride to the bloody end,
Just me and my girlfriend

Honestly, I don’t generally like the Joker. He’s a one note villain– his gimmick is that he’s crazy and kills people. That isn’t really what I want out of my villains. It’s a flat motivation and part of why I’m not really digging on Batman’s rogues gallery. How many of them have the gimmick of “I’m just plain crazy” or “I hate Batman?” That’s boring.

So, yeah, generally, I don’t like the Joker. When I do like him, though, is when Harley Quinn is around.

They have an interesting dynamic. Harleen Quinzel was a psychologist who pulled some strings to get assigned to Arkham Asylum specifically to meet the Joker. After they meet, she falls for him hard and tries to seduce him. Joker, unsurprisingly, finds this hilarious and decides to go along with it. What follows is a whirlwind romance of old-fashioned violence, laughs, and whatever you call spousal abuse when you aren’t married.

Harley is kind of spectacularly damaged goods. She’s in love with a mass murderer and takes the abuse he dishes out with nary a complaint, nine times out of ten. She dresses up like a jester and kills people for fun. Her best friend mind controls and kills dudes for fun. She breezes through life doing exactly what she wants, how she wants, to who she wants… actually, that list bit ain’t so bad.

I’ve dug Harley ever since she first appeared on the Batman cartoon. She was a fun twist on the Joker’s style– more concerned with the comedy than the killing. She’s simultaneously playful and menacing. She’s just as likely to give you the joy buzzer as the bang gun. The joke is that both will kill you.

Harley is one of my favorite characters to read about, in part because of the stellar job Karl Kesel and the Dodsons did on her solo series. They spun a tale that combined both her latent guilt, her issues with the Joker, her desire to become her own woman, her desire to have fun, and her belief in love to create something both compelling and entertaining. There are times when I even like the Dodsons’ rendition of Harley better than Bruce Timm’s. They draw her with a smile that’s infectious.

I enjoy the fact that she makes the Joker interesting again. Suddenly, he’s got a foil. Sure, she’s crazy, but she forces him into new areas beyond just “Hee hee hoo hoo look how ZANY and CRAZY and EVILLLL I am!” The opening arc of Harley Quinn involved him faking an injury while living with Harley. Harley was planning this big get-back for Batman while the Joker grew increasingly threatened by how efficient and trustworthy she seemed.

It’s really fun, despite all the murder, and an interesting relationship. Joker, as befitting his supersanity, flipflops between hating her and loving her. One of my favorite scenes between the two is in Emperor Joker. This is after Joker has gained almost infinite power.

I dunno, I dug it.

I really like Harley is what all this boils down to. I actually have four pieces of Harley related art. The first sketch I ever bought was of Harley Quinn, in fact, by Mike Huddleston.

From left to right, top to bottom– Mike Huddleston, Rob Reilly, Dustin Nguyen, and Art Baltazar. Pardon the poor scan on the Gotham Girls print, it was too big for my scanner and I couldn’t find an image of it online. It’s also the only one that isn’t an original.

I was flipping through a trade for Avengers: Disassembled earlier when I came across this ad for the then-upcoming Young Avengers.

Three years after the fact, I have to say that this is a brilliant page. That one little tagline about how it isn’t what we think ends up having three different definitions.

First, you may initially think that these guys are the young versions of the Avengers. Like the Muppet Babies with battle armor. Obviously, that’s not the case.

Second, there’s the fact that a series entitled Young Avengers sounds like it has to suck. It turned out to be really rad, but the very concept sounds like it has every reason to fail. I recall asking internet friend A.o.D. about how the series was after two issues. His response was something to the effect of, “It’s trying hard to convince you that this is a good idea. I have to say it’s doing a good job.”

Those two were more immediate definitions. The other one wouldn’t be realized for quite a while. All four of those guys aren’t what you think in terms of what they’re supposedly based on.

Patriot may seem like Young Captain America, but he was lying. He didn’t have any Super Soldier Serum in him for a while. Even when he did, it was from the lesser-known Captain America: his grandfather, Isaiah Bradley.

Asgardian may have had the name and magic to suggest that he had some kind of link to Thor, but that was debunked once he changed his name to Wiccan and discovered that he’s really the son of Scarlet Witch. Somehow. I forgot how that whole thing worked out.

Iron Lad looked like he could be related to Iron Man on the surface, but he turned out to be a young Kang the Conquerer wearing Vision as armor. Now he’s just Vision with young Kang’s personality, albeit with his face blown off. Stupid Skrulls.

Speaking of Skrulls, we then have Hulkling, who has nothing to do with the Hulk other than aping his form. Instead, it turns out he’s the extremely powerful offspring of Captain Marvel and the Skrull Princess Anelle. No gamma radiation for him.

The Black Captain America, Scarlet Witch, Vision and Captain Marvel. The original four Young Avengers may live in the footsteps of heroes, but not in the way you think they would.

NRAMA: And so you were left with a handful of continuity issues as result – – why didn’t the Guardians call a 1011 when all the other New Gods died? Why didn’t Superman recount his experiences in Death of the New Gods when he was talking about the New Gods to the JLA? How did the villains capture J’onn? Obviously, if you dealt in all the minutia of every storyline since Identity Crisis or earlier, you’d go nuts – so what was your personal line in the sand that you used in writing Final Crisis in regards to what “mattered” and what didn’t?

GM: What mattered to me was what had already been written, drawn or plotted in Final Crisis. The Guardians didn’t call 1011 when Lightray and the other gods died in Countdown because, again, Final Crisis was already underway before Countdown came out.

Why didn’t Superman recount his experiences from DOTNG ? Because those experiences hadn’t been thought up or written when I completed Final Crisis #1. If there was only me involved, Orion would have been the first dead New God we saw in a DC comic, starting off the chain of events that we see in Final Crisis. As it is, the best I can do is suggest that the somewhat contradictory depictions of Orion and Darkseid’s last-last-last battle that we witnessed in Countdown and DOTNG recently were apocryphal attempts to describe an indescribable cosmic event.

To reiterate, hopefully for the last time, when we started work on Final Crisis, J.G. and I had no idea what was going to happen in Countdown or Death Of The New Gods because neither of those books existed at that point. The Countdown writers were later asked to ‘seed’ material from Final Crisis and in some cases, probably due to the pressure of filling the pages of a weekly book, that seeding amounted to entire plotlines veering off in directions I had never envisaged, anticipated or planned for in Final Crisis.

The way I see it readers can choose to spend the rest of the year fixating on the plot quirks of a series which has ended, or they can breathe a sight of relief, settle back and enjoy the shiny new DC universe status quo we’re setting up in the pages of Final Crisis and its satellite books. I’m sure both of these paths to enlightenment will find adherents of different temperaments.

Grant Morrison, 2008

Oh, Grant. This sounds like trouble in paradise. Let’s see what wrong, okay? We’ll talk you through this.

I met her last week, this insane tart
We been swimmin’ in each other with the same heart
I mean, I think we might be sections of the same part
And we don’t separate at all until the day’s dark

–El-P, “Oxycontin Pt 2”

I remember back when you and Marvel broke up. It was explosive– Marvel turned around and undid some of your plots and twisted others. Joe Q didn’t take it well at all. He just couldn’t understand that your first love had looked in your direction and batted her eyes. Guys make strange decisions for love. These things happen.

Your first move when hooking back up with the DCU was to see about getting her some nice things. Some new stories, a new character or two, and most of all, self-awareness.

Remember that, Grant? You wanted your girl to look her best and able to stand on her own two feet. What followed was Seven Soldiers, Batman, and 52. You got Final Crisis kickstarted. You know what? It worked. Your girl was strutting down the street, all eyes on her like it was the Silver Age all over again.

Then, the troubles started. Batman ended up late enough to need a four issue fill-in. All-Star Superman’s schedule went a little rocky and you caught some heat for it. 52 went off without a hitch… almost. It would’ve gone perfectly without Bulleteer, who kept showing up in the series and flying around.

“Wait,” you said. “Guys, really. She can’t fly. She wouldn’t join a superteam. What’s going on?” No one knew. It just happened.

Weird things kept happening. Your Batman run featured a fairly ill-received crossover. It seemed to go nowhere. Your big Final Crisis plans involved the New Gods being put on ice for up to a year to heighten the tension of the first issue. Instead, they were, in your own words, “were passed around like hepatitis B to practically every writer at DC to toy with as they pleased.”

You weren’t happy about that, were you? It’s like your girl is being unfaithful to you. So, you went to get back at her. You went to Virgin Comics and helped them create a new cartoon. That’s big bucks right there, plus better exposure than comics. You started writing movie scripts. Yeah, that’s right– we know about you and We3.

Your relationship is looking a little sour, Grant. It’s a rough patch, you say? I’m not so sure.

You see, your girl, your sentient DC Universe? It woke up, took a look around, and decided you weren’t treating her right. No more lobster for dinner. You might bring home some Popeye’s, but that was about it. The champagne was replaced with box wine. And man, what happened to all the fun you two used to have? Seven Soldiers was over. You kept saying that Final Crisis was coming soon, but it always felt far away.

She got fed up, Grant. She left you.

And we made love to the thought that life’s ill
And how it’s crazy that through all of this swill
How you can bump into the beautiful while jumpin’ from sills

–El-P, “Oxycontin Pt. 2”

She found somebody else. Who was it?

It’s your homeboy Geoff Johns, Grant.

Think about it. He went from Infinite Crisis, which was a little rough to say the least, straight into 52. 52 was where he met you, wasn’t it? What came after 52? Oh… it was the Sinestro Corps War. That’s the beginning of a mega-arc that basically sprang out of what, an eight page story from twenty years ago?

That’s continuity at work, Grant. The DCU is whispering her secrets into Geoff’s ears and telling him exactly what to do. Remember that?

It’s cool, Grant. You’re still amazing. It’s just that you’re destined for bigger and better things. I heard that you’re all topsy-turvy for Vertigo. That’s good for you, man. Keep it moving. You’re technically going back to your ex, but she was good to you, wasn’t she? You guys parted amicably, I think. Maybe it’ll work out this time.

Don’t let the DCU get you down. She’s found a good man in Geoff. He’s going to treat her right, so don’t worry about that. You just do you. Go ahead and get Final Crisis done and out of the way so that you and JH Williams III can get the Vertigo series jumping off. Impress her as soon as you get her, Grant. You don’t want to get your feelings hurt, man.

You can do it, man. You’re a handsome dude with big ideas. You’ll be fine. Keep it 100, man, and you’ll have everyone out there, not just Vertigo, checking for you.

(You know I’m back, right? You can find this re-debut simulcast on Funnybook Babylon, my Black Comics Cartel family.)

It’s a busy time for the Hulk. Not only is his movie at the top of the box office charts, smashing up the Happening, but he’s getting a lot of play for a character who currently only has a supporting role in his own book. A shitty book, but at least he has connections elsewhere. Incredible Hercules, co-starring Hulk’s little buddy Amadeus Cho, is one of Marvel’s best books right now. Skaar: Son of Hulk just started up and last week gave us a one-shot by Jeff Parker about futuristic warrior feminist Thundra going back in time to scrape some DNA off Hulk and make a green futuristic warrior feminist daughter. Then you have Wolverine, where we see that 50 years in the future, Hulk’s inbred grandchildren rule California with an iron fist. Whatever that’s all about.

Hulk is becoming like the gamma irradiated Wilt Chamberlain of Marvel.

A few weeks ago at work, we got a bunch of Hulk books for kids to tie in with the new movie. Junior novelizations, picture books, coloring books and so on. One thing we got was an activity book that came with a tiny little Hulk figure, held onto the cover with a plastic shell. The figure is supposed to be tossed into water, where it will expand into six times its original size.

Being that some (most) children are little bastards, one of the copies of that activity book got trashed. The plastic covering got torn off and it became unsellable. I pulled that copy of the book to be sent back to the publisher, but decided to at least put that Hulk figure to good use. I called over my manager and we got a cup of water, filled it up and dropped the Hulk in there, ready for the mild thrill of watching it grow like one of Rita’s creations.

…nothing happened.

Going back to the book, we found that we needed to wait up to ten days for it to grow. Christ, what’s the freaking point? If I felt like waiting over a week for some pointless green thing to grow, I’d buy a Chia Pet.

Could you imagine how lame Hulk would be if Banner had to wait ten days to transform, like some kind of superhero Brady Law? “Sorry, Tony. I’d love to help you and the guys fight Kang the Conquerer, but I have three more days of making myself angry before I can be any help. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a Small Wonder marathon I need to get back to.”

Enough days have passed and the Hulk has indeed grown quite a bit. Although he may be bigger and stronger, Hulk has certainly seen better days.

HULK IS NOT ANIMAL!

You ever read Marvel Ruins where instead of becoming a green-skin giant, the gamma bomb turned Bruce Banner into a mountain of tumors? If you haven’t, don’t. The comic sucks. But I can’t shake the memory from looking at this thing. Maybe his bicep isn’t angry enough.

Those black lines are supposed to be ridges in his forehead, but I can’t help but think of them as cartoony eyes. Like something Kirby would have. In fact, it reminds me of Roast Beef from Achewood.

Poor, poor SpongeHulk Tornpants. Maybe he can get a job working for Dr. Frankenstein or move into a bell tower.

The “Will they? Won’t they?” over Batwoman is basically over. Todd Klein (accidentally?) confirmed it on his revamped Current Projects page.

Rucka on words, JH Williams III on art, Todd Klein on letters.

Caught the midnight showing of Incredible Hulk tonight. Very fun movie that’s definitely better than the Ang Lee non-prequel. It flows nicely and the action wasn’t too brief, as it sometimes felt in Iron Man. Not to say it’s better than Iron Man, because it isn’t, but there’s no shame in that. Besides, this is the second episode of the Avengers Movie Saga and it does feel right in that respect.

Several weeks back I read the Peter David novelization, as I’m wont to do, so I already had been spoiled in terms of the plot. While there are few surprises, there’s still the interesting experience of seeing stuff that was in the original version of the story that got cut out. I’ve done this before, of course, with Spider-Man 3 and Iron Man. The former was originally a solid story until important chunks of it got cut out. The latter remained good, despite a subplot cut out because of the Air Force’s say so.

With Incredible Hulk, the good outweighed the bad in terms of cuts. God, did it ever. Yes, there was definitely some stuff that should have stayed in there. No doubt. It’s just that a lot of scenes that got ousted had the potential to be really bad. Really bad. I’m talking Superman’s cellophane S projectile bad. I’m talking Matt Murdock fighting Elektra at the playground bad. I’m talking the entirety of Rise of the Silver Surfer bad. It’s cool that I count that movie as one long, horrible scene, right?

Word on the street is that there are 70 minutes of stuff cut. It’ll probably be seen in DVD form. Whether or not that makes for a better movie remains to be seen. The deleted scenes below, filled with spoilers, don’t seem to sum up to 70 minutes, but when it comes to cutting them being a good or bad idea, I’ll let you be the judge.

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Yep. It’s already time for another interview, this time with an honest-to-Gog comic fan. First, I should point out that it’s been a while since I’ve done any articles that compare the CHIKARA DVD covers to their comic book counterparts, but I should be getting around to that next week. I hope.

In the meantime, check out this awesome cover of Café Culture, featuring Claudio Castagnoli.

Obviously, that’s based on the comic cover where… uh… Despero was… er… enjoying a cup of coffee. Yeah.

…………

So! This time I get to interview Shayne Hawke, a charismatic youngster in the CHIKARA ranks with a lot going for him. He’s entered in this weekend’s Young Lions Cup 6 tournament, convinced he’s going to make it to the end and acquire the championship trophy. Meanwhile, he and his raspy mentor Mitch Ryder have won three tag matches in a row, thereby earning them a title shot against the tag champs Delirious and Hallowicked.

Shayne Hawke agreed to meet me up on the 4th Letter Helicarrier for an interview, mainly as an excuse to keep his pale hide out of the sun for a few minutes. I mean, that’s not what he told me, but I got that vibe just from looking at him. Anyway, the interview.

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Over the past few years, with all the various comic mega-events shoved down our gullets, the idea of the tie-in comic has been make-or-break to the main series. House of M seemed to do it the best, where all the tie-ins were completely unnecessary to the main series, but were mostly well-written and made for a good expansion to what was going on. Annihilation dodged the bullet by having seemingly no real tie-ins at all. Infinite Crisis became a huge mess where you had to know a lot about what was going on in the smaller books to truly get the story. Civil War, as far as I’m concerned, is the worst offender. The main series was competently-written, if a little convoluted, and Millar wrote very fair versions of Captain America and Iron Man. Then you look at all the tie-ins where Captain America is the perfect god of morality and Iron Man is the king of all assholes. The only truly good tie-ins were the two Captain America/Iron Man one-shots.

With Secret Invasion, the issues of New Avengers and Mighty Avengers, whether good or bad, are in a class of their own. After all, Secret Invasion is Bendis’ big cumulative storyline tying together a lot of loose ends from those series. They’re more like extended scenes and extra issues to the miniseries than anything else. Discarding those, I honestly haven’t read too many of the Invasion tie-ins. Yes, Captain Marvel was completely amazing and Hercules is a blast regardless of what story it’s linked to, but I’m not a regular reader of Ms. Marvel and I haven’t picked up Captain Britain yet, so I can’t comment on them.

That brings us to Secret Invasion: Who Do You Trust? This one-shot, based on five different stories, gives us more details on certain characters and their roles in the series. The five writers, Brian Reed, Mike Carey, Christos N. Gage, Zeb Wells and Jeff Parker keep things extremely competent and diverse in topic, while staying true to the series.

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I’ve talked about the differences between Marvel’s What If comics and DC’s Elseworlds comics before, but another major contrast has made itself apparent to me. They are both about taking a cool out-of-continuity concept and running with it as a full story. The problem with Elseworlds is that a lot of the time they get bogged down by either the need for familiarity (how many times has Kal-El become Superman when the entire idea of the story is that Kal-El is not Superman?) or the over-complication of the storyline.

Take JLA: Destiny for instance. The four-issue miniseries is based on a concept that is so full of promise that it could have carried the story itself. They could have just plugged it into the DC Universe and let loose a great story. Writer John Arcudi decided not to, seemingly going for more of an epic clusterfuck of a story. So this big twist in DC history is made into part of a bigger theme. It also becomes merely a subplot to the whole miniseries and this big shocker that should have been the selling point for the comic isn’t fully revealed to the reader until the third issue.

A couple years back, when I first read Destiny, I scoured online for reviews. I’m too lazy to check now, but all the reviews I found were for the first two issues only. Some didn’t make it past the first. Nobody knew what the point of the story was yet and had no indication that they were going to discover it in the final two issues, so everyone dropped it like a rock.

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