Archive for the 'Ultimate Edit Week' Category

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New Ultimate Edit Week 3: Day Three

July 27th, 2010 Posted by Gavok

As seen last time, Valkyrie is nice enough to show us her origin story long after anyone really cared anymore. She and her Asgardian friends are showing off their prisoners when the cavalry arrives to save the captured Ultimates. Now we continue with that.

Thanks to the help of ManiacClown who really, really did NOT want me to make a certain reference to the way Hawkeye is posed on the bottom of that second page. You can’t unsee it now, can you? I’ll let you come up with your own joke.

We’ll continue tomorrow as we see what’s going down with Thor.

Day Four!
Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!

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New Ultimate Edit Week 3: Day Two

July 26th, 2010 Posted by Gavok

Yesterday’s installment dealt with Valkyrie and her origins. How she met the Defenders and how Hank Pym does it while wearing his Ant-Man helmet. Much like with Sue Dibny, there’s something kind of wrong about shoehorning in some retcon gross sex stuff on a character who’s still freshly dead. Now we continue with the explanation of how Valkyrie went from one costume to another.

ManiacClown believes Black Panther’s jump is more Kevin Bacon in Footloose, but I pulled rank on him. Plus if I think about it long enough, I’ll get that song stuck in my… Goddamn it.

For the sake of comparison, here’s the edited-in joke from the previous New Ultimate Edit and the not-edited-in joke from this issue of New Ultimates.

vs.

Coincidence?

More rescue bedlam tomorrow.

Day Three!
Day Four!
Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!

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New Ultimate Edit Week 3: Day One

July 25th, 2010 Posted by Gavok

Welcome back to another week of New Ultimate Edit, based on Ultimate New Ultimates featuring that All-American American Ultimate Captain America.

Thor is dead and has decided to fix that by making a baby with Hela. Loki and Enchantress take advantage of his absence by attacking New York City, taking over the minds of the female team members and showing Valkyrie how Thor has been unfaithful to her. Personally, if someone literally traded places with me in the afterlife out of love and selflessness, I think I’d be giving them a ton of leeway in how they spend their tortured eternity. Loki and his turncoat army have succeeded in defeating the Ultimates, outside of those guys who nobody cares about to the point that Enchantress didn’t even bother messing with Shanna.

If you need a more detailed refresher, check out the previous two weeks.

And… go.

Thanks to the ever-classy ManiacClown for his assistance. Tomorrow will feature more flashbacking, followed by bedlam in the present.

Day Two!
Day Three!
Day Four!
Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!

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New Ultimate Edit Week 2: Day Seven

May 15th, 2010 Posted by Gavok

Previously, the male Ultimates have been up to their ears in otherworldly creeps and Zarda going into a bitch-fit certainly isn’t helping things. Not only that, but Valkyrie’s got a big sword with Captain America’s shield’s name on it. Does that shield have a name? It’s a moot point now.

Another week is in the can. ManiacClown and I will be back next time, but keep checking in on 4th Letter and feel free to keep tabs on my Twitter.

Thanks for reading!

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New Ultimate Edit Week 2: Day Six

May 14th, 2010 Posted by Gavok

Where did we leave off? Ah, right. Enchantress sweet-talked Valkyrie and gave her a sword. The male Ultimates are fighting up a storm and Loki is looking swank. Let’s keep it going.

I don’t even know what the hell a Blastoise is. That’s on ManiacClown. We’ll return tomorrow to finish off the week as the ladies finish off the heroes.

Day Seven!

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New Ultimate Edit Week 2: Day Five

May 13th, 2010 Posted by Gavok

Yesterday’s installment was all about the Enchantress going from place to place, brainwashing ladies and having them join her cause. I guess her one difference in her Ultimate incarnation is that she does this to women instead of men. She then starts to win over Valkyrie by showing her that Thor hasn’t been faithful to her and Hawkeye has been stealing her mustard from the fridge.

Let us continue with that scene.

“YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAH!!”

Sorry, ManiacClown insisted I add that. Tomorrow is Enchantress’ plan paying off. Watch out, fellas! Carol Danvers is going to beat you up and she doesn’t even have Ms. Marvel powers!

Day Six!
Day Seven!

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New Ultimate Edit Week 2: Day Four

May 12th, 2010 Posted by Gavok

Yesterday’s action really escalated quickly. I mean, that really got out of hand fast! It jumped up a notch. There were dragons, a man on fire and Black Panther killed a guy!

T’challa, if you’re reading this, you should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you’re probably wanted for murder.

Plus Hawkeye walked in on Tony and Carol post-coitus.

Thanks to ManiacClown for agreeing with me that, yeah, that does sort of look like Mila Kunis. Vindication is fun.

Amora and Valkyrie will continue their girl talk tomorrow. See you then.

Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!

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New Ultimate Edit Week 2: Day Three

May 11th, 2010 Posted by Gavok

Last time in our adventures, Captain America kicked a lady in the lady business and it made her mad enough to jump out a window. We’ve all been there. The Enchantress showed up and introduced herself to Zarda, whose inclusion on the team still makes people scratch their scalps.

Now this happens.

Thanks to ManiacClown, who believes Hawkeye doesn’t use the men’s room because he’s “too pretty to pee standing up”.

Next time, Enchantress keeps doing her thing.

Day Four!
Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!

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New Ultimate Edit Week 2: Day Two

May 10th, 2010 Posted by Gavok

As of yesterday, Captain America had a heated conversation with Valkyrie. A conversation SO heated that Valkyrie’s been balling up her fist. Time for something actiony to happen.

Tomorrow, ManiacClown and I will be back for dragons, orcs, jungle folk, tigers, and post-coitus. See you then.

Day Three!
Day Four!
Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!

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New Ultimate Edit Week 2: Day One

May 9th, 2010 Posted by Gavok

Welcome back for another round of edits. For those who don’t remember what happened in the first issue because they were distracted by Ultimate Red Skull suddenly crying about his daddy issues in Millar’s Ultimates comic, the Defenders have returned from obscurity with special powers and enhancements. It’s like that episode of Gargoyles with the Pack, but without that kickass Australian Dingo guy around. Dingo ruled. They stole Mjolnir from Valkyrie, Loki and an army of monsters invaded and Tony Stark introduced Carol Danvers to at least three STDs.

And now, we move forward.

Thanks to ManiacClown for warning me that having the pointing Captain America say, “Only you can prevent forest terrorism!” is a little too much of a stretch. We’ll be back tomorrow with more from Cap and Valkyrie.

But my point remains: Dingo ruled.

Day Two!
Day Three!
Day Four!
Day Five!
Day Six!
Day Seven!

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