This has been a rather bad week for me, especially on the writing front. I haven’t been able to post much due to a variety of things, but one of them is that I’m writing like 50 projects at once. A new Deadshot’s Tophat installment, a thing on Booster Gold, a thing on Two-Face, a new Ruin the Moment compilation, another compilation of CHIKARA covers based on comics, something on Dark Knight and a bunch of other things I won’t mention in fear of being incriminated when I don’t get around to finishing them.

When my indecision was driving me absolutely cross-eyed, CHIKARA’s own Tim Donst showed up to slap some sense into me. He was interested in an interview. God bless him.

Now, you may be saying, “Say, didn’t you interview Tim Donst already?” Well, yes and no. Months back, I tried, but young Timothy was in a rather unique situation. Due to a knock on the head and some brainwashing, Tim had become a member of UltraMantis Black’s sinister group, the Order of the Neo-Solar Temple. That worked out in regards to how the abbreviation “ONST” makes up most of his name, but it kind of soured my interview. Rather than getting any real answers, I just had UltraMantis Black answering on Tim’s behalf. The scoundrel.

Ah! But it was merely a ruse. Tim Donst wasn’t brainwashed after all. He was just a spy, working to gain UltraMantis’ trust and exploit it for information. With his work done, he escaped the Order’s clutches unscathed and went back to his patriotic and wholesome ways.

Only, while a member of the Order, Tim struck up a bizarre friendship with Hydra, the Starscream/Beast Man to UltraMantis’ Megatron/Skeletor. The two of them acquired the three consecutive wins necessary to garner a title shot against the tag champs. But after the truth about Tim’s behavior was revealed, UltraMantis was less than pleased.

Thankfully, it didn’t take long for Hydra to turn against UltraMantis and form a level of BFFitude between an American icon and a sea creature unseen since Captain America and Namor! In fact, all we need is Fire Ant and we have the CHIKARA version of the Invaders!

On to the interview!

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Today I went to yet another CHIKARA show. When all the fun was over, I walked outside to find an ice cream truck. Since it was hot as hell in the arena, I indulged in a vanilla cone with sprinkles. As I’m enjoying it, I find wrestler Vin Gerard just lounging around by the entrance.

Gerard’s story is this: he used to be Equinox, a masked luchador with sloppy high-flying skills that hung around the undercard until being unmasked. He was exposed as being Vin Gerard, a drop-out of the CHIKARA Wrestlefactory who decided to sneak onto the roster by pretending to be a Mexican export. He was ostracized by his peers and fell down a downward spiral of anger and black eyeshadow. Basically, he’s emo.

The thing is, he uses this twist to give what may be one of the most genius pieces of wrestling merchandise I have ever seen. Sometimes wrestlers will give you a signed 8-by-10 of themselves for a couple bucks. Not Vin. No, for a couple bucks, you get a H8-by-10. He will sign a picture of himself, make it out to you and list just why he hates you.

I couldn’t pass this up and paid him with my free hand. By this point, the sun has already melted my ice cream to the point that it’s covered my hand and is dripping on the sidewalk. Ergo…

What a guy.

And on another note, during intermission, me and CHIKARA newcomer Steve “The Turtle” Weiner (whose theme is that awful/awesome song from the TMNT Coming Out of Our Shells Tour) did a happening duet of one of Coach Z’s greatest hits. Truly, this man is my kindred spirit.