Superman #163: What Do You Get the JLA for Christmas?

This very special issue of Superman comes from 2001, after Lex Luthor was elected President. In it, Superman goes around meeting with various JLA members to complain about the Luthor situation before giving them a crappy Christmas gift. Then he goes and fucks Lois in the city of Kandor while ripping off Plastic Man’s jokes.

The list of presents are as follows:

For Plastic Man: rubber bands
For Martian Manhunter: a box of Ore— er Chocos Cookies
For Aquaman: a Metropolis snow globe
For Green Lantern (the one without pubes): jewelry polish
For Flash: tube socks
For Wonder Woman: a tiny replica of Mjolnir, no doubt to remind her of the most unimportant subplot in Marvel vs. DC
For Batman: a magnifying glass
For Booster Gold and The Question: supporting character roles on the greatest cartoon on TV

A gimmick of the issue was that each segment was drawn by a different artist. That included the absolute horror of Rob Liefeld drawing Aquaman. Read the rest of this entry �

Ah, the holidays. A time of family and buying and having to listen to songs about grandmothers and their relationships with reindeer. A time where I find myself watching the final twenty minutes or so of It’s a Wonderful Life or any incarnation of a Christmas Carol that happens to be on TV. Where I think about the old days, where Fred Flintstone would allow his best friend to finally have some of his sugary cereal without chipping in. A time of talking in sentence fragments.

It’s also the day of two of the greatest superheroes to never wear tights. One guy went around for years, using his powers to heal and feed people. He died a pretty kickass death (still need that issue, as I only own the novelization), but for the past 2,000 years, his fans have been clamoring for him to come back. He was a second-generation character, but his dad was WAY too overpowered.

The other guy spends the year in his headquarters, preparing to aid the innocent and punish the guilty. He and his many sidekicks monitor the world as he summons his power for a yearly run of super-speed, stealth and exercise of his bottomless stomach. While some find his ways a bit creepy (watching you as you sleep) and anti-Semitic (only using his power to help the Christians), he still gets support for taking in freaks – such as the talking mound of snow and the mutant reindeer – to help with his annual mission to spread good.

The thought of these bearded men made me think of these other super-powered heroes, trying to do the right thing. What are they up to during those days? And so, I tried to read as many Christmas-based comic books as I could. There are quite a lot out there, whether they be Christmas specials or just issues in December that decide to join the bandwagon.

Let us begin, shall we? Read the rest of this entry �

You can scope info on the Religion of Comic Book Characters here.

Batman (Bruce Wayne) – Catholic

Superman (Clark Kent/Kal-El) – raised Protestant (in some versions prior to 1986, he worshipped Kryptonian god Rao, which was explicitly addressed beginning in mid-1980s)

Spider-Man (Peter Parker) – Protestant

Wonder Woman (Princess Diana aka Diana Prince) – Greco-Roman classical religion

Captain Marvel (Billy Batson, published by Fawcett, then DC) – Greco-Roman classical religion

Daredevil (Matt Murdock) – Catholic

Captain America (Steve Rogers) – Protestant

Elektra (Elektra Natchios) – Greek Orthodox (clearly depicted at the funeral of her father in the 2004 movie; according to some sources she is depicted as Catholic in the comics)

Very interesting stuff. Links courtesy of The BEAT.

Bruce Wayne isn’t Batman’s mask, despite what some noted writers and fans would have you believe. Bruce Wayne is Bruce Wayne. Batman is simply a convenient tool that Bruce Wayne uses to help assauge his guilt over his parents’ murder.

There’s a couple of varying stories on what happened the night they were killed, but two things are certain: the movie was Bruce’s idea (Year One and the Loeb & Sale books) and he said three words to them that he can never, ever take back: “I hate you” (Azzarello and Risso’s Broken City).

The combination of the two are what helps to drive his crusade. He’s atoning for his sin against his parents by way of making sure that it will never, ever happen to anyone else. It’s a crusade that he cannot win, and he knows it, but refuses to admit it. He isn’t patching up wounds with chewing gum, he’s out there to stamp out all crime. He isn’t going to stop until he’s done.

If you look at a lot of scenes where Bruce takes off his cowl, you’ll notice that he’s either showing his human side (usually to his sidekicks) or getting down to serious business (JLA: World War III). That’s the true Bruce Wayne right there.

Batman is a weapon. Bruce Wayne is the man who wields it.

4thletter is back. Watch this space.