Settle Back and Watch the Fireworks When Bat-Mite Meets Bat-Girl!

June 15th, 2010 by | Tags: ,

The issue starts with Bat-Girl standing on a swinging swing, hitting a man who is on the top of a see-saw, because another man is stuck at the bottom of the see-saw. 

This raises so many questons.

Why are the swings and the see-saw so close together?  Why are they indoors?  If they are indoors, is it a store?  And what kind of sad criminal robs a playground equipment store?  The heroes are just a distraction at this point.

Commissioner Gordon sends Batwoman and Batman off to the Washington DC to ‘testify before a Senat Crime Committee’ and I love all things Batgirl, but I’d rather have read about that.

As soon as they’re gone, Bat-Girl throws her arms around Robin.  He tells her to stop, because he’s ‘devoted to another woman.’  Bat-Girl runs home and cries.  Bat-Mite shows up and offers to help her win Robin’s love by looking very impressive on patrol.  This shows the difference between me and Bat-Girl.  She’s happy for the help of the 18-inch-tall man in the batsuit who appears out of no where and already knows about her, while I would just be wondering if he’d been looking at me in shower. 

Bat-Girl and Robin go out on patrol, with the invisible Bat-Mite following them.  They come across ‘the night watchman from the Gotham Playground Equipment Company.’  Oh my god.  I was right.  Bat-Girl does well enough to impress even Bat-Mite, but she’s depressed because Robin didn’t compliment her.  Bat-Mite says he has another plan for the next night, and Bat-Girl agrees to it without so much as a ‘make sure it doesn’t involve you looking at me in the shower.’  We really do think differently, Betty.

The next night, Bat-Girl saves a movie star from a rampaging tiger, and he kisses her.  Robin gets jealous, and Bat-Mite is pleased.

The third step is to fake a Bat-Girl’s kidnapping to make Robin worry about her.  She’s not only seeing little men, but making handshake bargains with them.  I’d say that’s enough to make him worry all on its own, but they don’t seem to agree. 

Of course, real thugs kidnap her instead.  She realizes it and leaves a clue behind.  Bat-Mite realizes what happened and explains everything, and they go find the thugs – at a gold-plated trophy store, stealing gold.  They threaten Bat-Girl, she makes the obligatory, “Don’t worry about me!  Get them!” comment, and Bat-Mite, being all-powerful but also all-stupid, makes the trophies come to life and beat up the thugs.

Later, Bat-Girl apologizes to Robin, and he shows her ‘the other woman.’  It’s the statue of Blind Justice in front of the court house.  That slut!  You know, Robin, she gives it out to anybody.

Robin explains that Batman said that crime-fighting is too important to let romance distract him and Robin wants to make the same kind of ‘sacrifice.’  Just then Batman returns and says that Robin’s too young to make that kind of decision and so he shouldn’t worry about that.  So remember kids – youth is the time to experiment sexually without thinking about the future!  Batman said so!

Bat-Girl throws her arms around Robin and kisses him.  He does not look happy.

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8 comments to “Settle Back and Watch the Fireworks When Bat-Mite Meets Bat-Girl!”

  1. Esther, you’re my friend and I respect you, but you mentioned Bat-Mite meeting Batgirl and… Sorry, I have to show you up on this.

    Everybody sit back and watch this magic.

  2. I’m not familiar with the type of thing I am seeing.

  3. Good to see Gazoo found work after the Flinstones finished….

  4. Thanks, but what issue? Could you throw that in next time?

  5. Damn you, Gavok. Now I’m going to have to find an MP3 of that song.

  6. But Man?

  7. OK. I’ve never done drugs, but I’m obviously high. Someone get me a dozen beef and bean burritos and a large Mountain Dew, because the comedown’s going to be a sonuvabitch.

  8. OK, I made the mistake of typing that out without finishing the video. I’m not high, I’ve obviously at some point during the day gone flat out insane. Scratch those burritos, send me a bottle of Risperdal and pass me the closest straitjacket.