Today’s Tales of Wrestlemania is about Lex Luger.

Wrestlemania 8: Lex isn’t even wrestling. He’s being used for the World Bodybuilding Federation and appears to talk to Bobby Heenan about how jacked he is. Then he drinks some milk. Waste of time.

Wrestlemania 9: They’re really pushing Lex by not only going over Mr. Perfect, but claiming that he beat up Bret Hart earlier in the day. Unfortunately for the Narcissist, this match with Bret will never come to be.

Wrestlemania 10: Having become a patriotic Hogan knockoff, Lex has a title shot against Yokozuna. Despite all these hints that he and Bret are going to meet in the finals, Lex is screwed over by the man he beat just a year earlier: Mr. Perfect. Dang.

Wrestlemania 11: Any momentum Lex has ever had is long gone. Now he’s relegated to teaming up with the British Bulldog and opening the show. He still won’t be having any matches with Bret because he’s no longer in his league. That’s harsh.

Which reminds me, I remember a rumor that Lex was going to win the title at Wrestlemania 10, but blabbed it to a reporter and they had to change the booking of the show. I never found out if that was bullshit or not.

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The Royal Rumble was last night, meaning you no longer care about anything I have to say. Yeah, well… shut up, okay?

I thought the event was top notch. Jack Swagger vs. John Morrison is going to make a very fine PPV main event one day.

The Rumble match itself was pretty good. It had a lot of fun spots, but got bogged down by keeping the ring too full. They were so determined to keep every single main eventer in the ring until the end while keeping them scattered on the card that it seemed to blow up in their face.

But the highlight of the Rumble?

MAMA MIA!

(thanks to Jerusalem for the gif)

Let’s finish this off and call it a day.

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