As I said in the last article, most What Ifs are interesting in their own way. Whether it’s because they tell a really good story, an abomination of a story or if the changes in reality are completely off the wall, almost every issue has something worth talking about.

I just talked about 100 of these stories and a couple extra ones I thought were crappy. So rather than have me write a bunch of exhaustive issue profiles, how’s about we just look at the bits and pieces that got my attention? It’s time to hand out the What If Honorable Mention Awards!

If I wasn’t so lazy, I would probably Photoshop a bunch of golden Uatu statues.

Edit: It looks like I didn’t have to. Thanks to Kyle Hayes for the award trophy.

Strangest What If Couple: Quicksilver and Gwen Stacy

This comes from What If the Age of Apocalypse Hadn’t Ended (volume 2, #81). Tony Stark, head of the human resistance, joins up with Magneto to figure out a way to save Earth from the coming of Galactus. Among Tony’s fellow human freedom fighters are the Hulk, Sue Storm and, strangely enough, Donald Blake’s bodyguard Gwen Stacy. Er… yeah. I guess with her dad being a cop and all… No, it still sounds goofy.

Pietro is without a sister and Gwen needs a boyfriend who can kill her with whiplash. It’s only natural that these two would find each other.

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Also, as Gavok so nicely pointed out in the post below, today is my birthday.

I am now 23 and even more wise beyond my years. Or is that wet behind the ears?

I’m not much of a DC fan. Not in comparison to Marvel, at the very least. I’ll admit this readily. However, Flash is one of the coolest heroes they have, sometimes even edging out Batman for the top spot. Flash is honestly one of the greatest heroes ever, full stop.

I think that the finest complete DC story is DC – The New Frontier. It oozes cool from front to back. I ordered the Absolute edition of it for my birthday, and it showed up yesterday. I haven’t read it yet, though I did skim the backmatter and annotations. I also skipped directly to one of my favorite spots in the book, a scene featuring Barry Allen springing into action. The first half of this scene is reproduced below.

(One of the annotations for this scene simply says “One of the biggest secrets of New Frontier… Captain Cold is Grant Morrison!” I am seriously loving that redesign, too, from the rings on down. Sharp work.)

I don’t like a lot of the Silver Age heroes. Jordan bores me to tears (though Gavok does have a very interesting take on him being Superman without a cape that he needs to write up), and after that, who’s left? Aquaman? Please. Red Tornado? Don’t even.

Barry Allen, and by extension Iris West/Allen, is pretty awesome, though. I can’t put my finger on why. He’s a forensic scientist with an investigative reporter girlfriend. He doesn’t play up the Clark Kent stumblebum garbage. Instead, he’s just late to things. What better alibi does the fastest man alive need? “Barry can’t be the Flash, he’s been late to every one of our dates!”

Funny bit of trivia: In New Frontier and the proper DCU both, Iris figured out his ID before he told her and just humored him. Barry talks in his sleep in the DCU, and, well, she’s an investigative reporter in NF. She’s no idiot.

If Barry is cool, Iris is, too. She’s the glue that holds the latest Flashes together. Barry’s wife, Wally’s aunt, and Bart’s grandmother. She gave Barry a reason to continue fighting the good fight, she gave Wally confidence, love, and support back when he needed it most, and she saved Bart’s life. Each of them would willingly die for her, and Barry even went so far as to kill for her.

She’s smart, she’s loved, and Iris Allen is, without a doubt, what Lois Lane dreams of growing up to be. Lois wishes she were this cool. She may be the most powerful man in the world’s greatest weakness, but she’s got nothing on Iris West, first lady of the Flash legacy.

Barry and Iris are one of my favorite comics couples. They work. There’s none of that stupid slapstick that pervaded the premarriage Lois & Clark relationship, nor any of the playboy drama that Bruce Wayne brings. Not to mention the blatant or implied infidelity that Ollie brought to the Arrow/Canary partnership.

I think my favorite part of the scene above is the bit where Barry defrosts Iris’s hand. “She’s okay! Just unconscious. I give her hand a quick thaw… I grab a little sugar… and now for the tough guy who shoots at women.”

“I grab a little sugar.” That’s dope. That’s actually better than the bit that Johns had in his run on Flash, where Jay Garrick tips his metal hat and smiles at each person he saves.

Flash Fact: Barry and Iris are cool as ice. So is New Frontier.

SPIDER-MAN AND POWER PACK #4 (of 4)
Written by MARC SUMERAK
Pencils and Cover by GURIHIRU
It’s siblings vs. symbiotes as Spider-Man and Power Pack find themselves up against a new enemy they never expected — one of their own teammates! Has sweet little Katie Power finally gone to the dark side…and if so, will she ever want to come back?! Find out in the spine-tingling conclusion to this team-up tale!
32 PGS./All Ages …$2.99

Is it just me or is this the single most adorable comics cover to ever come out of Marvel? Gurihiru did a bang-up job on it. Katie Power as Venom (though she may be afraid of spiders) is a pretty funny idea. I look at this comic and think, “Now this is a comic I want to read!”

I’ve got some catching up to do for 4l. Got some new headers to upload, most of them courtesy of the big G-A-V-O-K, a couple posts to make, and hopefully pull off something special for our one-year anniversary for the relaunch.

Busy bee.

Well, it’s been four months of lead-up. When the first part of the countdown came out, Lynxara asked about why I’d do a top 100 list for a series of books that only have 175 issues. Especially when I count two-parters as one entry. Truth be told, this isn’t like ranking the best issues of Nightwing or Mighty Thor. Most comic series have cohesion and you usually have an idea of what to expect in each issue. Writers, artists and story remain the same for months and sometimes years at a time.

What If, on the other hand, is different. What If is the ultimate comic book box of chocolates. Writers, artists, stories, ideas and tones change from issue to issue. Many stories are good. Many are bad. But almost every one of them is interesting in its own way. I could have easily have done a top 20 or top 50 list and be done long ago, but there’s too much fun we’d be missing out on. No jive-talking Incredible Hulk, or Matt Murdock crying over Wilson Fisk’s death bed, or Kraven the Hunter eating Peter Parker’s face.

Now let’s get in our Quinjet and take us down to #1.

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I don’t have a lot of time at the moment (so go read Gavok’s What-If countdown, it’s great) but I do want to give you guys a heads-up!

Your local B Dalton or Barnes & Noble bookstore may have a sweet deal for you lurking around. They released a bunch of the Marvel Masterworks series in softcover format a couple years ago at 12.95 a piece.

I dropped by my local B Dalton today (and a tip of the hat here to the awesome manager there, her ladyship Shonda Wilson) and they had marked the books down to five dollars. I got 45 (or so) issues of early Marvel comics today for 25 bucks. Well, less, because I am technically an employee, but still!

Five dollars, people.

Here’s some ISBNs to make it easy on you.
The Amazing Spider-Man vol 1 (collecting ASM 1-10): 0-7607-3793-2
The Amazing Spider-Man vol 2 (collecting ASM 11-19): 0-7607-4957-4
The Amazing Spider-Man vol 3 (collecting ASM 20-30 & Annual 1): 0-7607-5565-5
Uncanny X-Men vol 1 (collecting The X-Men 94-100 & Giant-Size X-Men 1): 0-7607-4958-2
Uncanny X-Men vol 2 (collecting The X-Men 101-110): 0-7607-5566-3

Links go to the BN.com website, where the books are listed at full price. I don’t think that this is just a local deal, so give your local B&N or B Dalton a call and see if they can’t order one of these for you. I’m talking 30 issues of Lee/Ditko Spidey and the very beginning of Claremont on X-Men here.

I also bought Daredevil HC v6, wrapping up the Bendis/Maleev run in glorious hardcover format, Black Widow: The Things They Say About Her, Black Widow by Grayson/Rucka/Jones/Hampton, Gambit v2 by Layman/Jeanty, War Stories v2 by Ennis, and Daredevil: Means & Ends by David Lapham. Lads and ladies, I think I may have a problem. An addiction.

However: Comics :toot:!

Jesus, we’re actually at the top ten. And some of you haven’t even lost interest yet. I’m proud.

What If: Avengers Disassembled came out the other day. You might be wondering if I would have placed it on this list if it came out several months back. The answer is no. No, I can’t really get behind an issue that tries to retcon a major story into something that makes even less sense. Having written this paragraph, I realize the John Byrne jokes write themselves.

Before I start this, one more call for anyone interested in drawing fake covers for the countdown finale. Come on, you know you want to.

10) WHAT IF THE FANTASTIC FOUR’S SECOND CHILD HAD LIVED?

Issue: Volume 2, #30
Writer: Jim Valentino, Ron Marz
Artist: Dale Eaglesham, Rurik Tyler
Spider-Man death: No
Background: In-between having Franklin and Valeria, there was another time Sue was pregnant with Reed’s kid. Unfortunately, there were radiation-related complications due to the team’s recent venture into the Negative Zone. Reed went to Doctor Otto Octavius – supervillain Doc Ock and the biggest expert on radiation – for help. Ock went berserk for a bit and the two had it out on the rooftops of New York City. Reed calmed Ock down and he agreed to help out. Unfortunately, they were half an hour late. Sue had a miscarriage. So let’s say Ock didn’t freak out and made it just in time? We have two stories here on two different sides of the spectrum.

The first story is best described as a horror story. Franklin wakes up from a horrible vision of the future where his father is dead. His parents just think he had a simple nightmare and leave it at that, but Franklin already knows that there’s a monster living inside his mother. Over time, Sue’s pregnancy takes a horrible toll on her. She gets weaker by the day and almost skeletal, soon losing her invisibility powers. When she gives birth to her child, she dies in the process. Reed names the baby Sue in order to deal with the loss of his wife.

As experience has taught us throughout this countdown, this isn’t going to end well at all.

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Adam Beechen interviewed at CBR

It is sure to make a few waves regarding Cass Cain, but here’s a bit that I liked:

RT: Did you like the character?

AB: She’s a great character. Her central struggle to rise above what she was raised to become is terrifically compelling stuff. I went through and picked up a number of months’ worth of issues prior to One-Year-Later. So I was around for the last major storyarc, and I got the trades of the first few storyarcs, all of which were excellent.

Ours was not an easy story to write because it was a radical shift in a major character who had struggled for so long for her entire existence to overcome the way she was brought up. But I have friends who have worked hard to triumph over bad decisions or bad circumstances and have done really well for a time, only to fall back. It’s a sad thing to watch happen, really painful, but it happens, so it seemed plausible to me in Cassandra’s case.

RT: Are you satisfied with the way it was handled?

AB: I wish I could have taken more time with it, and explored more about why she changed and more about the information that shook her life up. My inclination is to spread that information and build the story gradually. Initially the arc was going to be six issues, but the arc was compressed to four issues, so some of the information was compressed as a matter of necessity. Maybe too much.

If I could do it over again, I would get into it a little more so that, while it wouldn’t make fans of Batgirl happy, it would get in there and explain what happened a little bit better.

Beechen isn’t exactly the pitchfork-and-tails demon I’ve seen him described to be on message boards by Cass fans. His mustache isn’t even long enough to twirl!

I was talking with dub, or hermanos, or 4thletter, or David, or Janet, or Ms. Jackson if you’re nasty, and the topic of Warren Ellis came up in the conversation.

I’ve seen a lot of people just this week talk about Ellis’s work as “cynical,” to the point where it seems to be the word you use to describe him. It’s an overused adjective used to discuss the body of his work.

The thing is that I don’t think that’s accurate, and I never have. Talking to dub, I figured out why.

For dramatic overthinking of funnybook swearing, read on after the cut:

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I realized last night that I’ve been reading comics for nearly twenty years, ever since around 1988/1989. Crazy stuff, man.

Anyway, this character is near and dear to my heart. Domino, Beatriz, Patch Eye, whatever you want to call her. She was a member of Cable’s crack Six Pack mercenary team, she’s crazy good with guns, and her mutant luck power is way better than that jerk Longshot’s. Things just happen to fall into place for her.

The power is kind of hilarious in retrospect, because I remember when it was revealed that the Domino we all came to know and love in X-Force was not the real Dom. She was Copycat, a blue-skinned shapeshifter the whole time! Mind = blown. The real Dom came back pissed and probably should’ve rightly killed Copycat. She eventually lightened up (lie) and joined X-Force.

I also love her design. She’d probably be hideous in real life, but the white skin and black eye-patch just look good on the comics page. It’s a striking bit of visual design. It makes her distinct enough that she doesn’t have to worry about wearing some standard costume to be recognizable.

You know what else is funny? Rob Liefeld created and co-created some great characters when he was at Marvel. I am secure enough in my comics nerddom that I can admit that. Sure, his Image/Extreme/Awesome characters were Bloodskin, Bagobones, Violencebloodstrikedeath and whatever, but Cable, Domino, Deadpool, G.W. Bridge, Kane/Weapon X, and Stryfe? All cool characters.

“Cable?!” you shout. “Stryfe?!” you scream. I like both of them. The mutant twin cloning bit is kind of stupid on an epic level, but the X-Cutioner’s Song turned out to be quite a ride. Stryfe finally just breaking down and wanting love from his biological (sort of) parents, Cable sacrificing himself to save those same parents, that’s good stuff.

People like to say “There are no bad characters, only bad writers.” I wholeheartedly agree. I liked X-Force as a kid. Looking back, a lot of it was dreck, yeah. But, look at these characters now. Fabian Nicieza is helping keep the spark lit for a lot of them, but people like them despite their early ’90s Liefeldian origins.

A good writer can make a “bad” character great.

I just want another Domino series, even if I have to write it myself. She’s too great of a character to relegate to guest-star status.